Fakers!
by TheGreatHibiki
Summary: It was a bad joke, one heard from her mother that brought about a great change in both her own life, and the life of a man who became her most precious person.
1. The Joke

FAKERS!

By

Hibiki

"I own nothing but the memories of a horrible joke gone wrong." ~Hibiki.

01010101010101

It wasn't a high brow joke. Hell to be honest, it wasn't even a good one, just something her mother had said to her father just the other day that she had heard from one of her more gossiping friends. The girls night out at a local bar seemed the most opportune moment to use it, an with the few drinks in her like she had made it seem the most hilarious thing she had ever heard.

"…and he said "Would you like to try a screaming orgasm?"." She smirked as everyone of her friends, all of them unsaid but known virgins… much like herself though none of them would admit it. "And she replies, "No, but if you give me a few notes I can fake it!"!" She smiled trying to hold in her laughs to join in with the others… that never came.

"God Ino, that's horrible!" Sakura face palmed in mortification at hearing such a horrible joke.

"That had to be the worst… I can't even call it a joke. It was so… crude!" Ten-ten replied before downing her drink as if to remove the taste of the joke from her mouth.

"…" Hinata, as red as a tomato merely shook her head as she toyed with her index fingers.

"That was comedic gold gals! You all are just too…" _bitchy crabby _Ino thought. "High strung." She finished holding in her worlds twice better than she was her liquor.

"High? Strung?" Temari ground out, ironically proving Ino's point. "And what would YOU know of a 'Screaming Orgasm', Yamanaka?" Using her fingers to punctuate the 'S' and 'O' with added force and inflection.

Now there is a skill that should be taught to all Shinobi, from the moment they join till the day they die. Oushi-Kuso no jutsu. The Toro Kaka. The effluence from the Taurus of the Bovinae genus Bos. That's right kiddies. The art of the Bullshit. Some people are true masters of this art, and Yamanaka Ino was no lightweight in this regard, having learned the trait from her mother and subsequently her father (basically in the validity that he was not, in fact, whipped.). So without any conscious effort words poured from her mouth like a waterfall. She would later blame the spout on an item with the same name attached to a keg.

"From experience twit." _Oh shit I said what? _Her mind blanked but her body reacted with any grace a master of an art form could. No twitch, flinch, or gesture could be read to say otherwise and the smirk grew into a grin that assumed 'I know damn well what I mean.' Stupid body, it was going to get her killed one day.

"What did you say?" Sakura was paying attention to her best friend now, in fact they were all were. Crap.

"When!" Ten-ten, ever the more tomboy and outgoing one jumped in, shit brain go with the flow or we're sunk, Ino's body remarked, not that anyone could see only a smirk reemerge as she leaned in a stage whisper voice.

"Just about all the time, Ten-chan." She said loudly enough Hinata looked ready to collapse into a pile of red goo and Sakura's face matched her hair. The other blonde wasn't convinced however and, later on Ino would bother curse and love her for it, spoke up her skepticisms.

"Okay then, from whom?" The girls all looked to Temari as she focused on Ino's face, trying to pierce through Ino's random flying fictitious folly, then back awaiting her answer. "Or are you saying that your fingers do the job for you?" An out, of course, and prove she had no idea what she was saying and was fibbing. _Oh hell no_. The younger blonde was having none of it. But what… or rather whom could she use? She had to be quick, decisive and the clock was already ticking. Her eyes latched onto the other blonde, more specifically her hair and at once a name appeared. Why not, he was perfect. They all knew him, but not that intimately, and she knew he hadn't gotten with any of the girls present. Psh and it wasn't like he would hear.

"Naruto!" The room went silent from shock almost at once as the girls stared at her… then looked up. _Why woul-?_

"Ino-chan." _Aw shit! _She ignored the now passed out form of Hinata slumping against the floor as she looked up into the stormy blue eyes of a flushed and agitated Toad Sage_._

"Hi Naruto."_ Stupid body._

010101010101

Welcome to my bizarre attempt at a mature humor story. I blame my dad for starting up a joke today, one some of you may have heard. About a man in a bar buying a drink and listening to another man and his monkey play a song. Once the song was done the monkey raced about collecting tribute. The monkey reached the drinking man only for the man to not have a dime left. In a swift motion the monkey turns about and dunks his rear into the man's glass. In anger the man strode up to the piano player and said 'Do you know your monkey has his ass in my cup?" to which the pianist replied "No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it."

Being in the weird mood I was My mind makes an obscene joke that you find here. I had been trying to think out Memories 13, but the seriousness wasn't there, only a bad joke and Naruto plots in my head. This, aptly named 'Fakers!' is the end result. I do not know HOW far I intend to go with this. Only that it has merit and like my others just flowed from me. Memories at the rate it's being pulled out of me looks like sometime next month. This, however, might be updated next week… hell tomorrow perhaps.


	2. Say what now?

FAKERS!

Chapter two: Say what now?

By

Hibiki

"Even if two men walk into a bar, I don't own anything in the story but the penguin in the corner." ~Hibiki

02020202020202

"Hi Naruto." Stupid girl.

"May I speak with you for a moment, in PRIVATE?" His eye was twitching, and the vein throbbing just underneath his hitai-ate almost distracted him from the beauty before him as she gazed up at him with that sexy smirk.

"Sure honey." She slide up, okay how does a girl make standing up look that attractive? He turned, wishing not to show the others his blush as he and Ino strode some distance away. It was loud so he wasn't too worried about them hearing but still Ino and he had a lot to talk about. Namely.

"What the HELL Ino?" He began. "What in the world would possess you to…"

02020202020202

Four pairs of eyes looked to them from the booth Ino had just departed from as the two blondes gestured and remarked to one another. They were just far enough away that only small parts of their conversation would reach.

"… Say that to EVERYONE?" Naruto began running his hand through his hair in a disarming way that made the lady's blush at his unease. It made him cute. Ino started off quietly, unsure and also a little put off by his own nervousness

"…believe me." Ino remarked her hands crossed under her breasts in a slightly guarded position as she stood somewhat aloof from him.

"So that makes it right to say something so…. So…" He fumbled with the words and when they failed he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to him. So bold was his action Ino had no time to respond as Naruto leaned in to whisper into Ino ear. The jerks of his head served to show whatever he was remarking was punctuated with forceful words and coupled with Ino's growing eyes made the ladies in waiting squirm with intrigue, this was getting even juicier than before.

"N-Naruto… I… I didn't know, I didn't think…" Ino looked ready to fold, her whole face downtrodden. What had he said?

"No you didn't." He said, it wasn't loud but the half whisper was sharp and made all the women wince. "That's not something I like spread around… … Sakura-chan and the others to look at me differently because of that."

"Because he can make us scream?" Temari remarked softly. The other ladies blushed looking at Naruto in a different light despite what he just said. And a few feet lower than his face.

"I understand Naruto…" Ino put her hand on his chest, as if to ease the man's anger filled torso. "…with me." His body calmed considerably and his face's tensed marred countenance changed back into that handsome foxy one that just screamed lightheartedness.

"Whoa when did Ino and Naruto get so close?" Ten-Ten remarked. "I'm jealous."

"Thanks Ino-chan." He squeezed her shoulders softly. Ino smirked.

"Don't think this allows you to just grab me and drag me for who knows what every time." Ino laughed. Naruto remarked back unheard of the ambient noise in the bar but their faces took on a playful matched set of smirks.

"Wow I didn't think Naruto was so forceful." Sakura "It's… weird." Everyone at the booth replaced 'weird' with 'hot'.

"Oh really Uzumaki? You just try it, anytime anywhere. …show you the …ight of your life."

"Wow they're kinky." Ten-ten remarked. Hinata was out again.

"Ino is such a slut." Sakura growled out as she watched Ino flick Naruto's nose playfully earning a equally playful slap on the ass as Naruto and the Blonde female walked back. Ino made a look that said pain but with Naruto's smile already focused on the four ladies, having hastily rushed to their original seats. She just quirked an eyebrow and walked a little more slinky to the booth, her grin one of conquest as she looked to the looking and inquisitive females watching their every move.

"Hey girls." They said in unison, looked to each other then laughed. The girls all wiggled in their seat at his normal foxy smile as he turned his blue eyes upon them all. Ino, smirking at their reactions, took her place next to Sakura again as Naruto casually stood, arms on the back of the booth, over them. With his reach and stature he seemed to hover over all of them with his bare arms, due to his civilian clothes, showing off casually (because he was clueless to their thoughts, like all of us men are.) a little masculine ego. Given where their thoughts were going they didn't mind it in the least.

"You girls having a good night?" He laughed as a few weak yeses, one loud hell yeah (stupid Ino), and a flushed nod returned to him. "Alright, glad to hear it. I'd love to stay and hang out with such pretty gals." Hinata failed them once again. "But I gotta finish some paperwork for baa-chan then start out for an early morning mission with my team. I'll see you later, Hina-why'd she faint?… erm, See ya Ten-ten-chan, Temari-chan, Sakura-chan." He turned to leave when Ino called out to him.

"After all that and I don't get any sort of farewell? How rude." Ino remarked then gasped when a kiss so soft and light ghosted over her right ear. So sudden and unexpected it arced a spear of pleasure that enflamed her senses to the warm breath against her shoulder.

"Farewell, Ino. Careful what you wish for." He whispered making her shiver and lift her neck towards his lips instinctively. With a slight nibble and suckle against her neck and he was gone leaving a moan half bitten off as she bit her lip, her eyes closed against the thrill his mouth against her flushed skin. When she finally came down from the surge of pleasure the blitz attack had caused and opened her eyes to four blushed and stunned faces.

"…Holy shit." She remarked, fanning herself to try and shake off the effect of just his mouth against her had brought. Holy shit was right, that was just his mouth on her NECK? She was going to have kill him for this later. She would have responded to the other ladies looks but five drinks were set down before them. Four of them brown with a hint of foam and a fifth, decidedly red and intriguingly smelling one in front of the pale eyed beauty.

"Um we didn't order any drinks." Sakura started.

"These were bought by Blondie's boy toy over there." The waitress pointed to the flushed Ino. "And I quote: "Four 'Screaming Orgasms' (The entire table went into various states of red) for Sakura, Ten-ten, Temari, and Ino-chan and a 'Bloody Mary' for Hinata-chan, because she seems a little anemic.". So yeah these are yours ladies." The waitress slide over to Ino as Hinata pouted at her different drink. "You better keep a hold of him, He's pretty damn hot, sweet, and from what your saying talented to boot."

"…yeah." He did seem so. So stunned she didn't realize what she thought.

0202020202

Naruto sighed as he tried to block out the feeling of Ino's neck against his lips and the sound of her moan as he wrote up the finals of the next mission block they would be giving out the next day. What had possessed him to kiss her he didn't have a clue, but it was sticking with him no matter what he did. This was going to be a long night.

020202020202

Finished up chapter two but from here, I dunno. We'll see what the day brings. Hate having to use American styled drinks but the urge to use the "Screaming Orgasm" in a way to pay Ino back and prank the lot of them. My mum and big sis always went on with tomato juice when I had low blood pressure and when my dad began to become enemic and honestly to me Hinata is so much fun playing her as the blushing little sister type.


	3. The Stud, The Dud, and Fugly

Fakers!

Chapter Three: The Stud, The Dud, and The Fugly

"And so he says 'I don't own anything here but what's in the wrong hole!'." ~Hibiki

030303030303

It was decidedly odd. Naruto had come to the decision, that today just topped his all around weird ass shit list. It wasn't all that different from before the Pein attack if you wanted to merely generalize it. Anything more and it became a whole new level of weird that he found himself in.

"They say he can… with just his toun-!"

"-jerk, if only I could hold out for hours. Stamina freak."

"I heard his thing is the size of a horse even when he's not-"

"-ly that bitch hadn't gotten him first I could ride that mon-"

"I wonder if he swings? I'd LOVE to try him-" Gah… those were just some of the whispers running around. And he would never walk a hundred feet near Yamaguchi-san EVER again. People pointed, looked at him in odd ways, and then the whispering began. The only new thing was the level of hatred apparent in the men's eyes… except Yamaguchi-san. Naruto shivered. That man's reactions were more like the women. Blushing, obvious (even to him) glances downwards lower that made him uncomfortable, whispering with other women, and giving him looks that made him feel more like meat in a Akimichi's sight than a Jounin of the leaf. Yamaguchi was going right up there on the list with those gothy looking girls who obsess about that damnable lip lock with the Teme.

Oh well he was safe now. Located in Training Ground Seven, his team of ladies waited for him. Futowari Haruka, Haruna, and Harumi. The Futowari Haru triplets. The Futowari clan was not a high clan nor was it influential. Survivors from the Kiri blood hunts, the clan had sought and was given asylum in Konoha, even taking a small section of the Uchiha compound as theirs. However the clan grew well and these girls were the first of 25 from the clan going into active service. Impressive though it seems the bloodline of the Futowari were not a doujutsu or an elemental hybrid but a type of birth superfluity. Every birth was a set of triplets, usually females though two of twelve triplet troops were male or had a male in them. Given how hard it was to handle the birth of triplets on a kunoichi body, nearly 90% of the Futowari women died of childbirth.

The Haru Mitsugo(Triplets) were the first to keep their mother in Konoha, thanks to the Medical Corp of Konoha. With mortality rates plummeting and the Futowari's population began to rise, the clan pledged eternal allegiance to the leaf village and all in her, and with the death of (most of) the Uchiha clan the Futowari expanded. And then here you are today, with three rather pretty kunoichi. Triplets of the clan always worked well with each other, so despite normal laws against putting siblings onto the same team the three were allowed together. As would most of the other triplets.

Which made it a pain in the ass in the mornings to figure out who was whom. Three pair of violet eyes peered up at him as they rested against the big tree by the water. It was a damn shame he didn't have Sai's artistic talents because he could have made a fortune on the image alone. If he could trust Sai not to talk about his 'Not So Small Naruto' he would find the man and have him draw it. But no, Sai had gotten a little more… open about his tastes than he would like, and he didn't want to corrupt his cute little students.

"Good Morning Sensei!" The girls chirped out, ah there was Haruna, that smile proves it.

"Morning ladies."

"It is true Sensei that you have a horse's coc-MPHHHH!" Haruka, the calmest of the trio, covered who had to be tactless (Even for him) Harumi's mouth as he stood there stunned and his mouth flopping about like a koi out of water.

"Never mind my idiot sister, Sensei. She has been talking with some of the villagers about Yamanaka-sensei's and your relationship, general sexual practices, and your genital size." Ah that explains a lo…

"Wait. **WHAT**?"

0303030303

Never had a day been so embarrassing, though one came pretty close. He still couldn't look Shizune in the face without blushing. Nearly half the women population… and a few men… Naruto really didn't care if you were… _that _way. Just so long as you don't go after him. Naruto shuddered. Anyway half the female population had asked for missions for his team, or outright just him. While financially a godsend for him and his team, and all the required D ranks were just about out of the way, it was pure torture. He was hit on, flirted with, just about molested and tackled to the floor on every one of the solo missions.

That was almost as bad as being double teamed by Harumi and whomever had the tedious job (Lift the soup can from the cabinet's top shelf to bottom 80 times! He was JOUNIN for gods sake! And his ass cheek was going to have a permanent pinch mark, he knew it!) as they gossiped about him and Ino's torrid affair in the Second Hokage's left nostril, or Ayame Ichiraku using Ino's sex seared belly to cook his food on because the chef's stove was broken… Okay he had to admit that one kinda turned him on. But the rumors and whispers and just straight out crap he had heard in a seven hour period were beginning to take a toll on the Jounin. He needed a buffer or he was going to freak out. This was getting ridiculous. He needed to talk to Ino, because frankly she owed him. At least he finally could get away from them and get some sleep. His team had done so many jobs that the smirking Hokage (Stupid Baa-chan) had given him a week off from missions. Maybe if he stayed holed up in his apartment for the week the rumors would go away.

There were voices around the corner. He knew them but couldn't place them. A warning bell went off in his head.

"You were in the same team as his sugar you would know after all." Holy shit that was a flamboyant voice.

"Well it's true, he does have a rather large-" Rather emotionless. Gosh it was on the tip of his….

"OH MY~! There he **IS** girls~!" Wait that was-!

Mr. Yamaguchi.

Dressed in all his; too-short short shorts, skin tight chest length shit, and reversed pink do-rag hiding the comb over; glory.

WAS RIGHT THERE… Talking with SAI…. AND THE GOTHIES! OH MY GOD THEY WERE POINTING AT HIS-!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!"

"What a stud!" Yamaguchi exclaimed as he tightened the knot on his 'Kiss me I'm beautiful' shirt above his wrinkly navel to give chase to the now distant blonde speck running like a certain Neriman Martial Artist from a feisty feline.

030303030303

AN:

Yamaguchi, is the over the top WAAAAAAAY too stereotyped version of homosexuality, even for Japan. I'd hope people would get that and that this which I am writing is completely not needed. However I'll spell it out to anyone offended. I don't matter if your black or white green purple blah blah and all that. In my line of work I get couples and folks of all races, spirituality, and sexuality. This afternoon I even took photos the most adorable couple ever. it made a group of girls rather uncomfortable to see two women like that but meh, I'd hope (and doubt) they'll get over it. People need to just chill and not worry about what other people are like. This isn't the last gay joke, nor is it the only bad humor going to be found here. This and Cold as Ice (Which is being worked on as well as Reality while I sort though memories writers forest. Block don't have shit on me.) will have highly controversial things, some I believe in, others I do not but feel make a better story. Offended oh well, I'll write so long as not every review I get for the chapter is negative.


	4. Eye Candy

Fakers!

Chapter Four: Eye candy

"What's red and black and not mine all over? These characters!" ~Hibiki

0404040404

Ino was having a good day. Morino-san had given her the next four days off as Konoha's snake Mistress had returned from her mission a little… uptight. An uptight Mitarashi Anko was a nuke nin's worst nightmare and so most of the T&I department was on leave until her eccentricities had been… calmed, and for the cleaning crew to get out the bloodstains.

So there she sat lounging like a cat in the sun on her window seat/sofa of her apartment reading, or rather trying to read, a book on species of flowers indigenous to the now completely snow free Spring Country. With the semi cool weather having moved in it was cool enough to enjoy the fresh air her little window seat provided. Her favorite grey sweater, the one that went to her palms and kept her wrists warm, had slid up a little on her tummy from when she had slipped down to a more comfortable position, but so comfortable was the posture she ignored it. Despite her loose shin high pants her legs arced over one another sensually. So was the scene that Uzumaki Naruto found himself in as he jumped up into the window desperate to remove himself from the ardor of one scary scary old man and figure out a way to stop this…

0404040404

Now let it be said there are many, many things sexy on a woman's body. Some men were all about breasts, the feel, the firmness or softness, and the subtle and intoxicating feel of the woman's heart racing underneath them as you … ahem. Yes well, others were all about legs and rears. Long supple legs, perfect for wrapping around you in lust and love, the sleekness of her muscles as she even walks that draws your eyes up to gaze of that rear you'd like to just grasp and squeeze. Her neck, vulnerable and tempting that stirred something primal in a man. The back and shoulders could even be erotic, in both massage and the expanse of skin that a guy could run his hands over in coitus. Some guys liked toes. Well they could be cute but some folks just get a little odd even for him.

But no, Naruto was a fan of curves, all curves gentle, smooth and feminine. No greater was there a turn on for him, than that of the stomach. He was a tummy man, and he had thought himself weird for years until Shizune had finally figured out why he blushed every time she had him touch her belly to feel the baby. Ashamed to find her attractive even when she was married and having child, he stopped coming by until she had found (read: cornered) him. They had a nice long talk, in which he couldn't have been more embarrassed, well… at least until today, about it. But he had come to terms, the stomach of a woman, from flat and smooth to filling with new life was probably the most lovely part of a woman to him.

Over the years having grown use to the fact he had a taste for it he found his eyes checking out various women in his life. With Sakura, his once long time crush, he found like the rest of her tomboyish frame that in which he liked was underdeveloped, it was cute, but if she gained any more muscle she'd have a more manly stomach than him. It wasn't a total turn off, she had an amazing ass, but he liked a little more… woman. On the flip side, while adorable when younger Moegi's plump kiddy figure had turned into a rather voluptuous if a little over the top womanly figure of her 18 year old body. At that age he didn't feel to bad about looking and what he found was just a bit too much woman than anything. But no worries there. Konohamaru had finally woken up one day to the fact his goofy haired best friend had turned into a top heavy looker and the two had been happily together since. He was happy for them, though a little jealous. He shook his head to remove the negative thought. Heck he could even say when his team got to be her age he'd have to (and gladly agree to, as they were like his kids) beat the men off with a stick. Tsunade Baa-chan though he wasn't certain what was the genjutsu or not had a pretty sexy one… But he could honestly say Ino was one of the more pleasing women he had ever seen in almost all of those above mentioned items, and like any male had harbored a small bit of sexual attraction to her, it didn't help she constantly flashed that tone supple tummy around, teasing him since his return to Konoha with Jiraiya almost five years ago.

So here he was one moment harassed by the third most ugly person he had ever seen then graced upon the visage of Ino's flat kissable skin, more exposed than he had ever seen before by a rouge thumb as her left hand absently played along the edge of the sweater. The contours of her body that ran from the sides of her breasts, barely hidden though he was still in debate to curse or thank the gods on that, down softly of her lower chest around that… he tried not to drool, tapered from her flaring hips and slipped into her low hugging pants. The line of her curves mixed teasingly into the folds the loose fabric created until they gave way to strong opulent legs that no outfit could deny. Feminine ankles gently tapping her house shoed feet as she hummed a tune only she could hear. Her soft, though rather toneless, voice stopped and he turned his head up to catch cornflower blue eyes looking into his.

_Aw shit._

040404040404

She couldn't concentrate, no matter what her mind kept going back into that moment not two days past. It didn't help that she had come into a section of the book all about a golden spiraled corolla flower with an orange gynoecium. A hardy flower that was one of the first to regularly grow in the semi spring winter country. It became a tradition to use the flowers for important events to give thanks to the people who had allowed them the freedom to even have them. But none so important like the anniversary of the overlord's defeat, a defeat team seven had a hand in. The aptly named Hana no Naruto. The Maelstrom Flower named for the man who did so much for their country. GOD! She huffed and almost threw the book. Could she just have a moment when that… that…. MAN didn't appear before her! It wasn't fair! She had time off, she could lounge about all she wanted, no one to impress, no one to bluff, no one to torture… but all she could keep thinking about were Naruto's words. The words that broke her heart for how much hurt she unwittingly put him into, into his forgiveness that made her melt, into his kiss, his smile, his voice, his breath, and hell, even the small hickey he'd given her that still hadn't gone away. Now even his NAME was popping up. If she wasn't careful he himself might randomly pop up! The thought made her stomach flutter and her breath catch. _God calm down Yamanaka! _She absently rubbed her exposed stomach trying to settle it as she began to hum a song her mother had sung to her to calm her when she was a child…

Then the warm sun was blocked. She almost instinctively knew whose eyes were crawling over her body before she looked to him. His face, flushed from running, moved with his eyes as they ran up and down her body before settling onto hers. His crystal blue eyes bore into hers. The tingle in her belly began to grow.

_Aw Shit._

040404040404

God I wish Memories was progressing as fast as this one. I got two words on that one since I wrote Fakers! 3. Two. Forget calling it a Writers block, log, forest, whatever. It's a damn wall of hell. I'm at a not so fun part of the story, which is not fun to write, and this is just silly and fun all around, I think that might be the cause.

Oh and yeah I'm a tummy man. Don't get me wrong, I love just about all there is about women, but the stomach is a weakness of mine. Hell I had an odd ass moment where in Avatar (The Cameron one) where the main blue chick slides up next to the main character for the first time and bam! My brain ignored the fuzzy tailed nature and says 'That's a sexy tummy.' it then returned to hating the movie but hey that two seconds I was intrigued (I had to admit I was a fan of them then, because I thought the character was ugly otherwise)

Chapter five: Agree to What?


	5. Where the heart is, where is starts

Fakers!

Chapter Five: Where the heart is, where is starts.

"What happened to this fic? 'I guess it ran out of Charcters, settings, and plot. Almost all of those belong to Kishimoto'." ~Hibiki

0505050505

"Hi…" He said.

"…Hi" She said.

… Great conversationalists they were…

"Um, could we… erm, talk?" Naruto managed to utter out.

"Sure." Okay not bad so far he thought. "Can we start by why you are in my window, blocking my light, and staring at me that doesn't end in me beating you to death and ruining my carpet?" Okay maybe so bad so far. "And take your shoes off, it's rude."

0505050505

"Wow I was wondering about the citizen watches were dodging me, I couldn't find any to get the day's gossip-I mean ah, information." Ino twirled her finger in the condensation her iced tea had made. It was a little cool for the cool beverage, not to mention iced tea was rather off notion for the fire country as it was but she loved the taste. "So they think you and I?" She gestured to themselves.

"Yep."

"Are not only dating?"

"Right."

"But having sex?"

"U-uh yeaah?"

"In very kinky and overt manors?"

"yes." He squeaked his face red.

"And the fact your penis is the size of a-?"

"Can we skip that one? I don't even know _why_ I told you that!" God he was so embarrassed, by him blurting it out as well as her obvious look down… _there_. And her CONSTANTLY BRINGING IT UP!

"Well this isn't good… This city runs on gossip like you on ramen." She said her chin rested between her thumb and index finger as she thought.

"Hey! I eat other things too!" She ignored him.

"How can we make them stop, without making it seem like we're either covering it up or lying through our teeth."

"I dunno, that's why I went looking for you."

"Sakura and the others if they caught word of the fact I was lying would just rub all this in my face if the truth came out. So it's no good trying to fix it then."

"Do I have a say in this?" He pouted.

"No shut up." He pouted more.

"So we know we can't make them stop without some big scene, we know they won't stop if we tell them the truth, so what does that leave us?" She was stumped but he wasn't he was looking hard at her chewing his lip. The he brightened and looked to her with oomph.

"So, let's prove them right instead!" Naruto had a smile that reminded her of that little shrimp he had been before his training trip. That foxy prankster. "We'll do exactly as they think we're doing!" WHAT?

[SMACK!]

"You jerk!" She growled out, she should have known.

"Ack! Not like that Ino-chan!"

"Then what did you mean, hentai?" He winced at the name. Okay that was a little harsh.

"We play a prank on them. Let them believe what they want, see it, get over it, then when it's all old news and no one cares anymore we 'break up'." She got it.

"So we let everyone think they got the right idea, kinda like what we did with Sakura and the others in the bar right?" He nodded. "But only, it's the entire village?"

"It'll be tough, I mean I'm sure there must be some guy out there you like, I'd hate to give him the wrong idea." She shook her head negative.

"There really hasn't been anyone since Shika." Aside from her previous one shot dates, her first real relationship lasted only a week. She was too high strung, he was too lazy. They say opposites attract, but really there was just too much difference. The Nara and Yamanaka heir had broken it off before things got too crazy, and because of it they were still the best of friends! Okay that sounded too utterly perky even for her. "No one has really interested me since."

"I can't believe it, your too nice and pretty not to have guys follow you around." She had the decency to look away as a blush erupted from her face. Stupid tactless idiot, you don't just blurt that at a girl. (AN: It took me years to figure out that one too…) She puffed her cheeks in a huff trying to make the color fade from her face before she turned to him, ignoring the small grin. "Yup really cute like that." Okay now she was mimicking Hinata.

"W-well what about you? Your sitting here flirting with me pretty damn well!" He blushed this time and began stuttering. "You have to have someone you like. What about Sakura?"

"That…" He sighed and looked out the window. "…Is sorta like you and Shikamaru." Oh.

"Okay what about Hinata? You KNOW she has a major crush on you." Hell the whole village knew it since the Pein attack.

"You know why that can't go anywhere, Yamanaka." whoa. She had seen him hostile at others but that was cold. His stormy eyes had frozen and his shoulders squared. She quickly came to the opinion that an Angry Naruto was a Hot Naruto. Good Greif was there a side of this idiot that didn't seem to make her squirm in one way or another?

"Y-yeah, sorry…" She mumbled. It all came back to those words he had whispered to her two days ago didn't it?

"It's… okay. Sorry." His eyes closed and his shoulders relaxed as he sat back taking a deep breath. "You know why I'm not going to hurt her more. Why I won't let anyone get that close… I'm really sorry about that night Ino, about what I said." Just like that night Ino couldn't resist putting her hand on his chest in comfort.

"I know you are, that's why I said it was okay. Like I said though, your secret is safe with me. I promise." He still remained sullen though and Ino was having none of it. Her hand left his chest and flicked his nose, just like she had that night. He started, his face in a pout before he lost his frown in favor of smiling as she giggled. "There, that's the Naruto I know. So sure, it makes sense." He looked at her confused, which she supposed he would, given they had gone in five different directions in the last two minutes. "About fooling an entire village full of ninja that you and I are hopelessly in love and can't keep our hands off the each other's body." Oh yeah, nothing is more of a esteem builder than a man who rather pleasant in his own right looks at you like that.

"Might be closer to the truth than you know, Ino-hime." Her heart started beating a little faster as he whispered huskily at her. Still remarkably tactless, but so far it hasn't been that bad hearing these. He was making her feel rather like a princess. "Er, Ino-chan." He quickly fixed. Leaning well into his comfort range, she put a finger on his lips and shook her head, okay that was kinda girly girl shit she had read about in those stupid books, bleh. Still got his attention though so I guess there was some merit to it.

"I like that. Hime. Only Daddy calls me that, it's perfect." He gulped as he looked into her sky blue eyes.

"O-okay Ino… Hime." They both blushed at that and he slid away a little to make some space.

"Stupid." She remarked sitting against him in the window. "Look, sit like we're together don't sit across the room from me." She took his arms and wrapped them around her belly.

"R-right." his voice shook, nervousness she assumed.

"G-get use to this, we're gonna need to be lovey-dovey with one another for people to fall for this." Okay so maybe being wrapped up in his arms, his oddly pleasant scent invade her every breath, and his warmth pooling against her back, was making her a little nervous as well.

"Right." He said rather huskily into her ear making her bite her lip again at the sensation against her. What was him and her neck? Yeah! Tell him girl!

"Oh yeah one more point, don't you dare leave something like this on me ever again." She turned her head to the side, exposing her neck to his gaze, and pointed to the area of the hickey. To her surprise his eyes widened and before she knew it his hands were on her shoulders, his fingers dancing against her skin. But what surprised her most was…

"Ino, are you okay, did I do that? I'm sorry! Does it hurt?" His voice was worried, panicked even. She couldn't look him in the eye either to see if he was okay because that same surge from that night hit her again, making her arch into his touch and bite her lip to keep from releasing the sigh slash moan his calloused digit was dragging out of her. He went silent as a moan finally did slip from her lips. His thumbnail had run along the mark, and the stimulation the nerve under it as his thumb softly stroked against her neck was maddening. Her fingers dug into his hair as she shook with pleasure as his other hand joined the stroking a few moments later. The double sided attack on her neck made her positively melt against him. Lulling her head back to rest against his shoulder, she gazed with her eyes half lidded up to find him looking at her with both surprise and… what she hoped was longing. He licked his lips and the urge to kiss them took hold.

"N-Nartuo!" She gasped as she came back into her senses and grabbed his hands with hers. Her breath came in gasps as she tried to calm. "P-please…" If he did anymore she wouldn't be able to stop.

"I-'m sorry! I…" He hung his head, only to look almost shell-shocked when her lips caressed his jaw line in a soft wet trail.

"D-don't be." She remained nuzzled up against him. "You just have no idea how good you are with your hands, do you Naruto-baka?" She half teased him as she regained some control. Bastard really didn't know did he.

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"Really?" He WAS intrigued. His hands, like most ninja, had a rough calloused nature, and like most, were never thought as anything special. The exhilaration he had felt, the joy he felt, the power as she basically writhed in his arms due to them was so… Addicting. So much it scared him.

He had to be careful… Her voice, her movements, her laughter, her joy, her body, her soul. All so… satisfying to be around and breathtaking to behold… It would be so, so incredibly easy to become addicted to her. And that was the very LAST thing he could allow happen.

As he tuned back in as she began to recount what needed to be understood as they prepared to prank the entire village, he only hoped the prank didn't backfire. The fact her lavender and peach scent still stirred that longing he had felt when she looked at him didn't give him much hope.

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"Oi Uzumaki!" His building owner called out to him just as he passed the office window before the apartment stairs, the evening sky had long since past into night when he and Ino had stopped talking. It was nice, sitting with her talking about things, getting to know her better, learning what she liked, …holding her. Yeah he was pretty sure he was sunk as he shook his head and turned back to the Ooya. The man wasn't the nicest, actually what building owner was? Anyway they usually ignored one another, Naruto paid his rent early, and the landlord made sure there wouldn't be any reason for the two to have to deal with each other. So it was rare when they did talk.

"Hai, Ooya-san(landlord)?"

"You gotcha self a neighbor up there now, so no funny stuff you hear me boy?"

"I understand." Ass. And sure enough there are were a strange precession of six movers, doing their job swiftly as they moved steadily up the stairs with him. Making it to the top floor of his apartment he found a familiar face. Letting the movers past he waited until he could walk over to speak.

"…Sai?"

"Oh hello Naruto-kun. Good evening." The pale skinned man smiled in his usually fake way. The blue eyed man looked to his fellow ninja with some wariness, but after today he was just ready to collapse.

"Evening. Why are you here? Did you need sumthin'?" Lord he hoped not, his nice warm bed was so close and he was exhausted.

"Oh not really I was just helping a friend move in." Huh, Naruto hadn't thought the rather emotionless guy even had any other friends (Not that he was being cruel in saying that just rather Sai kept to himself since the fourth Shinobi war's end). In fact the only people the blonde man could remember Sai hanging out with recently were the goth girls and-!

"Hello Suga." A rather flamboyant voice whispered huskily into his ear sending chills though him.

"Grk!" Naruto choked out. His back snapped to attention as the hairs all over his body stood on end. Manly hands gripped his shoulders, massaging his overly tense shoulders in a waaaay too friendly way.

"I was SO tired of my old place, I just wanted to get out of there and somewhere I could have some… company." Naruto was behind Sai in an instant, his eyes wide as he stared with naked fear at Yamaguchi. GAH, Never use the words naked and Yamaguchi in the same sentence again... ARGH! He just did! Dammit!

"You're…. you're the…. The… The new….."

"I'm your new neighbor honey, and I hope to see LOTS of each other from now on." No no no, no way in hell. He'd rather see Baa-chan's naked and probably wrinkly ass without her jutsu than see any more of Yamaguchi.

"hahaha." he laughed more fake than Sai's smile and continued weakly with. "Well that's nice and all, welcome to the apartment Yamaguchi-san."

"Thank you Naruto-baby!" EEEEEEEEE. "Why don't you come on over and we can have a moving in party!" SHIT! LIE for the love of KAMI-SAMA! LIE Like you have never had before.

"Ah that's cool and all." He winced at the man's hopeful expression, even if he was scared to death of the man he hated hurting anyone's feelings." "But I ah, well, I kinda need to get to bed, Ino and I have some things to do tomorrow" Ino wouldn't mind, yeah, she did say he could come over any old time. (he knew damn well she didn't mean the very next day.)

"Oh that's no problem, we could always party at YOUR place instead." All color had drained from his normally tanned face. Oh man, he was screwed either way. There was only one option.

"Actually…." Thunder rumbled in the distance ominously.

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[knock knock knock] It was barely heard over the late night storm that had pulled in from the west.

Ino blinked awake, then blearily turned to her clock. It was half past midnight, who in their right mind would come knocking at her door at this hour. Quickly throwing a robe over her nightie she padded her way over to her door to find a pitiful site. Wet from the rain he looked more like a drowned flaxen rat than the strongest Jounin of the village.

"Mmmm…Naruto?" She murmured sleepily rubbing the sleep from her eyes with the back of her hand. "Whatta doing here?"

"My home is… not safe to sleep at, at the moment. I was kinda hoping that maybe I could stay here? I don't even mind if I have to sleep in the tub." Ino blinked.

"What's wrong with your house?"

"Yamaguchi moved in next door." Ino blinked again, then giggled. "OI! It's not that funny! He wanted to have PARTY and get to 'know me better' as he put it. When I said I needed to sleep he offered to party at my place. Sai was with him, I don't trust either of them at the moment." Pride aside in fear for his virgin rear end the man got on his knees tugging at her robe. "Please Ino-chan, let me bask in the radiance of your kindness and I will worship you forever, please take me in please!"

"Why not Sakura?" She whispered in fear of waking the neighbors.

"How would it look if I went to the girl I use to have a crush on when the girl I Lov-" He gulped, even in the context of the lie they were perpetrating he couldn't say it. "Like is here." He was silent for a moment or two letting her take it all in before continuing.

"You're the _only_ choice, please Ino?"

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Unbeknownst to them, Mrs Kurogama, Ino's neighbor had opened her door just at the moment to figure out what the commotion was about. What she found pushed the old widow into staying more stealthy than any ninja known to man. Juicy news knew no boundaries.

"You're the _only_ choice, please Ino?" In the darkness of the corridor she barely made out her neighbor in her robe standing stunned before that man of hers, the Stud as they were calling him at the corner morning meetings, on his knees, soaking wet, his face awash with nervousness (if she only knew it was either sleeping at Ino's, under a bridge, or taking his chances at his house and waking up… yeah). Oh my! Looks like Harumi-chan's Sensei was making the move! Poor little dear was going to be heartbroken, but oh the looks she was going to get dropping this bomb!

"Yes." Kurogama's eyes widened at what she had just heard!

"Really? For real? Oh Ino-hime thank you! You're my angel! I love you!" Yamanaka's face flushed so bright she nearly lit up the hallway as he took her hands and kissed them. Akane Kurogama nearly squealed with delight! Such a cute and romantic couple. It reminded her of her dearly departed Hiro, bless his soul, and her at that age.

"Baka! Your still sopping wet! Get off your knees and get in here before you catch a cold! Your making a mess on the floor as it is!" She pulled him up and brought him into her apartment and Kurogama giggled mischievously before slipping back into her room.

Tomorrow was a new day, and the girls wouldn't believe what she had for them!

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She made him wait shivering in her entranceway while she stepped back to get a towel big enough to dry off his large frame, being rather petite she wasn't so certain she even had a towel big enough.

"Take off your jacket and shirt, even with that fox in your stomach you're susceptible to infections and I will have no boyfriend of mine getting sick on my watch, real or not!" She remarked over her shoulder as she went. This wasn't the flirty or playful Ino he was use to seeing lately, but rather the medic nin before she switched to the T&I program, so it wasn't much of a surprise that he did as she asked without so much of a blush or hint of nervousness. He had learned long ago that you followed the doctor's orders. His teammate and Hokage had pounded that into his skull, quite literally.

She held out her hands and took his clothes from him with a nod before she looked up at his hitai-ate.

"But Ino…" She put her foot down.

"No buts. That's almost as bad as leaving a wet shirt on." He sighed and pouted at her but removed his prized headband and handing it almost hesitantly in her hand. His wet locks fell right into his eyes blocking the view of her victorious smirk at winning the small argument. He pushed his hair back with a wave of his hand to look at her in the eyes.

"Be careful with it okay, that's the plate given to me by Iruka-sensei. It was his father's before his." her eyes widened as she realized she was holding something rather precious. He reached out and gave her shoulder a slight squeeze. "I trust you. After all if I couldn't trust my girlfriend who can I trust?" He gave a foxy grin when she smiled, laughing softy at his rub, and handed him a towel.

"You're such a baka. I'll go start these in the wash and I'll see if I can find something for you to wear in some of Daddy's things he leaves here. I doubt you'd feel up to wandering around me naked after all." He blushed and began stuttering as she smirked and sashayed away.

"Frankly I don't know how I'd feel about it." He mumbled to himself as he began scrubbing at his face. Three days ago, he heard Ino mention to most of the girls his age that he was good in bed. It made him both so embarrassed and upset about it that he had pulled her aside and said a few things he was both stunned and shamed to say. Things he knew he had upset her about on what was suppose to be a fun night out for her and at once he had forgiven her. She had accepted and being in the playful mood she'd put him in, he had ordered those drinks (He hoped Hinata-chan was doing okay, it was tough to be anemic and a ninja, Sakura had said so before). Two days later the whole town is all about Ino and his' supposed relationship and it seemed like as it went on people's imaginations were getting more and more outrageous. In a desperate and spur of the moment action he had found Ino again and the two had planned for damage control. Fake a relationship for a while, let people get it all out of their systems then 'break up' and things would go back to normal. That made sense to him.

So how was it he was half naked inside his "girlfriend's" house while she found him something to sleep in? That wasn't making so much sense.

A second towel plopped onto his head and small hands ruffled his hair inside of the rough cloth.

"Stop being mopey. Your in my beautiful radiance, remember? So you should be all smiles and worshiping me." He chuckled softly as she cheered him up again. Gently grasping one of her hands he brought each knuckle up and gave a soft kiss to each.

"How can I be sad in the presence of such a amazing person like my Ino-hime." She gave a shuddered breath that made his knees shake.

"S-stop, Naruto-baka." Her voice trembled, just as her hand did, she gently squeezed his hand before he let go. She moved onto his right arm with the towel as he worked on his left shoulder. Naruto kept quiet a little uncertain if he had crossed some line he hadn't known about while Ino tried to focus on anything but his muscular body and that feel of his soft lips against her skin. His torso was done after a short while and Ino handed him some black pants.

"Those seem a bit big for you, Ino-hime." She rolled her eyes.

"Like I said earlier, every now and then when my daddy does something really stupid he gets kicked out of the house and I let him stay over. He has a small stash of clothes incase he needs to go to work and mom's still mad at him."

"He's lucky to have a daughter like you then." Naruto smiled, and took the pants to the bathroom to change and finish drying off. When he came out Ino had to resist drooling, It was apparent Naruto was going commando, as those pants of her fathers were just barely sitting high enough to keep him modest, but only just. He looked like one of those models for those clothes companies, only he didn't have Sasuke's hair or attitude. The pant's really left nothing to the imagination but a certain part she had a feeling more than half the village was obsessed about. "A little snug I guess." He guessed? When he handed her the last of his wet clothes she could almost swore she confirmed he was a natural blonde. How the hell was she, a normal warm blooded female with desires and interests suppose to keep her eyes off her 'boyfriend'. She almost wished they were dating so she would have the right to molest him like her body wanted to.

"Well I won't keep you, I'll be fine in here, thank you again so much Ino-hime." She blinked then reached out and took his hand to keep him from slipping back into the bathing area.

"No Naruto, not in there…" Did he really think she was going to let a man who spent who knows how long out in freezing rain sleep in that tiny cold little bathtub?

"You're letting me sleep on the couch? Thanks Ino-hime." Sure that was an out, but she wasn't taking it. Those were really getting her in trouble recently. She pulled him further till she was at her bedroom door. "I-Ino-hime?" D-damn him for sounding so vulnerable. He made it sound cute.

"You came here first, asked me to take you in, put your trust in me, so now it's my turn to put my trust in you." He looked uncertain. "I refuse to let someone who was soaking wet sleep in a bathtub. And no offense my couch isn't big enough for someone your size, you'd probably break it." While it was really a lie, there was some truth to the statement, he was a large man and even now in the dim light distorted by the rainfall his topless form towered over her, yet it filled her with safety more than fear. She attributed it to being Naruto's warm and inviting nature. She had too, too much riding on her not to mess it up. Not just her feelings but, She smiled softly as he freaked out.

"B-but I'm a… and you're a… It's not proper!" Ino actually laughed out loud at that.

"Since when is Uzumaki Naruto worried about proper?" She giggled.

"Well, most women tend to have a little more reser…" He trailed off as he realized he was about to put his foot into his mouth. Ino thankfully didn't call him on it.

"Well I am not most women, now am I?" She jabbed her thumb into her chest as she smirked up at him. He laughed and shook his head in defeat.

"I just can't say no to you Ino. Besides what male is going to say no to sleeping in the same room such a incredible woman like Yamanaka Ino-hime? I'd be a fool not to." Her smirk widened as he followed her in.

"Who said anything about just the room?" He ran headlong into the doorframe.

"I-Ino-hime?" D-Damn that cute shaky voice!

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It took her ten more minutes to coax Naruto into the room with her. Jeez it wasn't like she was going to BITE him or anything. In a way it was frustrating, here she was virtually telling a man to jump into bed with her, she refused to acknowledge how that sounded, and he was being stubbornly NOBLE! It was two o'clock in the morning, screw noble she just wanted to go to bed. If he didn't accept in the next five minutes he WAS sleeping in the fucking tub, conscience be damned! And it did rather sting her pride he COULD resist her charms.

"Naruto, do you consider me an adult?" She tried, and failed, to hide the smirk that came as he checked out her nightie covered figure again for the third time that minute. Oh yeah that's an ego booster, forget what she said about resisting her.

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"O-of course." he stuttered out. This was a very awkward position to be in for him, and frankly he was wondering why he was resisting this. Oh right sleeping next to that would lead to him in a pool of blood and probably a life as a eunuch. AND WHOULD SHE STOP LIFTING HER TOP UP AND ITCHING THAT SEXY BELLY OF HERS IT WAS DRIVING HIM NUTS!

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"And I think you of as an adult, most of the time." He had the grace to ignore her body long enough to look annoyed at the quip, which was good because the way he was focused on her stomach every time she itched that spot where the stupid scratchy tag was, was getting her a little too hot to think.

"Your point, Ino-chan?" Aw not hime? She must have touched a sore subject.

"My POINT! Is we are both adults and there is nothing wrong with this! Look Naruto if you think I am going to hit you because you might accidentally grope me or something in our sleep don't worry, I understand." She watched as he winced at that. Was that it? He was afraid of touching her inappropriately? "This isn't some stupid book where the two main character end up spooned together after the female specifically told the male he wasn't to come near her. I…" She blushed, remembering Sakura getting mighty upset with her one morning. "I cuddle… So it's gonna damn well happen and I'm comfortable enough you to be my hot foxy cuddle toy, what's wrong with waking up next to me huh?" Damn if her face wasn't going to explode in a fireball his was.

"N-nothing… it actually… sounds really, …really nice." The last part was whispered but heard none the less. A surge of warmth flowed out from her torso filling her body with lightness that willed her into action, she walked over and tugged Naruto up.

"Come to bed." Now damn if that whispered command didn't sound suggestive. It worked too because he stopped resisting. The two of them slipped into the cool sheets of her bed and Ino instantly slid up against his warmth to escape the chill… Okay now her face was going to explode. "Looks like there are some truths to those rumors, huh?" God she felt like a tart sometimes.

"G-gomen!" She wrapped her leg around one of his before he could even pull away. "Ino?" Wow he really must be embarrassed to drop all of the honorifics.

"It's normal, and frankly I find it rather ego inflating that I can cause this in you." She wiggled her rear against it a little, loving that primeval power to make such a strong man's breathe quicken under her touch and gasped a little herself when his large hand latched onto her bare stomach, pulling her against him. Wow, she was being rather bold (of course so was he), and why was it Naruto that caused and allowed her to feel all these things. Not for the first time that day she thought how almost sad it was that it wasn't real. She yawned softly already getting drowsy in the heat his body was creating, and being lulled to sleep by the sound of his heartbeat.

"Goodnight Naruto-baka."

"Goodnight, my Ino-hime." Ino couldn't help but smile and squeeze his hand on her tummy in response to his possessive remark before falling asleep, the smile still on her face.

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Next Chapter: …On Swift Wings

This was postponed due to a virus being collected while researching nightgowns. And before you ask is was sorta like Ero-sennin's kind of research. I was looking for the right look for Ino, and was going to describe it here, but well I came across one of those buttons that refuse to let you do anything but click it, knowing what that meant I tried to kill the browser. Sadly I couldn't shut my browser fast enough to keep a damnable button from refreshing and downloading something. Windows crashed and my computer spent all night restarting. Hell I am writing this right now in safe mode to give a heads up. With any luck I can get this up and going sometime tonight.

Almost nine full pages for this. Well over all the other chapters word wise combined. Think I got a feel for this story.

I've already almost completed Fakers 07 at this point, and man I'm already laughing at what I have thought about after that. However 06 needs to be tweaked to fit 05's work, and 07 for the changed in 06 so give about a day in between the chapters. As you notice probably the chapters are increasing in size as I get a feel for this story, it's mostly because I am not planning what I write per chapter and letting my self go with whatever flow I am making. No having to stop, turn around delete something because it didn't fit the 'plan'. Yeah bleep you memories. And you stripey bag. mocking me.

Oh yeah have you ever read a fan fiction where Naruto or whomever (Doesn't matter what show/book) seem to have a freaking swimming pool for a bathtub? Bah the fact remains that space, the utilization of that space, and the items you fill into it is the key to many homes in a city area like Tokyo. Furo's and springs and big houses are kinda rare unless you get out of the big cities. So Konoha which has many elements of Tokyo, it doesn't seem to me to fit Naruto's dinky little 6-(Manga), 8-(Anime) or 4-(if you count the games) tatami sized room to have even a bathroom the size of a standard American sized house, or even to HAVE one. I always thought of it as some quaint little student's room, like around the size and quality of Yusaku Godai's room in Maison Ikkoku. Just a pet peeve of mine. There are others, but I always try and remain true to the feel of the actual manga/anime/movie/book I am ficcing.

Though _will_ say this. The amount of touching going on in this fic alone qualifies it as OOC. Hell a lone chapter even. But that is where my almost girly romantic side comes into play and refuses anything else but what I have been writing. Bah. I like mush. Sue me. All your get is bad romance fiction ideas till you die_._


	6. On Swift Wings

Yamanaka Inoichi, proud (Some/most/all would say TOO proud) father of the best female interrogator this side of sane (Because Anko was batshit crazy.), woke up to his wonderful wife nestled in his arms, the air a crisp and clean after the storm. The sky was blue, the birds were singing it was the most perfect wonderful day. Given his longevity in the T&I department he should have know better. He decided to go and see his little hime, and see if his girl wanted to spend the nice day with her old man. Maybe Anko was okay after all, given their four day weekend. The only time lately he got to see his baby was at work, and hugging one another covered in entrails only was pleasant to one woman in T&I and frankly… Anko was batshit crazy.

So enjoying his walk he ignored the whispers and pointing as he made his way towards Ino's quaint little apartment. So nice was it he decided to see what the local watch, which was just another way to say gossiping housewives on the corner, had today. Information was always power, and as a member of T&I he would gather all he could, a few minutes wouldn't mean all that much on such a nice day.

Poor Inoichi.

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"No way! Sensei proposed~! Now my four step plan to get Sensei interested in us is OVER! Now I'll never get a chance to try his horse…" Such language for a small fry Inoichi thought as he stepped into the crowd to listen in. "Even if he had gotten with one of my sisters I could've taken her place, snuck in and had a taste every now and then! I can't believe this!" And no sense of tact either.

"It's okay Harumi-chan, there are other fish in the sea, but oh Naruto-baby why did you spurn me so~! I was so ready to enjoy a party with you!" Yamaguchi, he supposed, looked alright in the blue sundress and red sweater wrapped around his shoulders, but the pink do-rag was just clashed a little much. Wait Naruto, the one they had been calling "The Stud" proposed to someone? This WAS news! (Let it be known that ALL Yamanakas have a taste for gossip)

"I tell you! I stepped out about to yell at them because they made such a ruckus so late when I found the most adorable scene ever! It was just like me and Hiro all those years ago, I was so happy for them I just couldn't resist spilling it before they are ready to tell the village!" Kurogama giggled as she sipped her coffee. Her roller infested hair bounced just as she did with excitement. Now there was a thought. Kurogama lived on the same floor as his hime. How many other people lived on that level, he struggled to remember. Where there other females there Ino's age? Maybe that Sakura girl had finally moved in with his Hime and the Hokage's heir had finally decided to get together with her. Funny he hadn't heard Ino mention it. This needed further investigation, but on such a nice day, why ruin it, he'd figure he had some time before the rumors got really wild.

Poor, Poor Inoichi.

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He was given a spare key by his girl to allow him in when she was away from missions… or if he had pissed off Ino's mom, his loving daughter was truly his angel for not leaving her poor defenseless (Half the men Ino had dated would tell you different. The other half thought they were permanently four year old girls.) old man to the cold and wolves. He and her couch had a few rough nights here and there. He patted the couch fondly like it was an old friend. He looked about, something seemed off, Ino should have been awake by now. Perhaps hime had decided to sleep in, and normally Inoichi would have left her be, but it was just such a NICE day~!

"Ohayou Hime-chAHHHhhn…"

Why was his daughter wrapped in the arms of Uzumaki Naruto? Just like he had with his wife not an hour ago? Proposed? Naruto, but here with Ino, did that mean? Why had he heard NOTHING! Had this been an anime a small trail of smoke would have erupted from his ear as his brain self-destructed.

Then man who dared even be close (let alone… no it was TOO horrible for Inoichi to contemplate.. Touch yes let alone touch, come on Inoichi think happy thoughts after all it was such a nice day hahahahahaheheheee okay freaking out.) to his baby sleepily stroked his thumb across her belly as he nuzzled against her hair. Ino moaned at the touch and intertwined her fingers of her free hand (The one not holding the arm against her belly) in the hand that she was sleeping on. Had it been anyone else the man would have found it adorable. As it was he found it intolerable.

Inoichi's innocent vision of his daughter cracked, just like Inoichi's happy day. Taking in a deep breath the elder Yamanaka pulled the most powerful jutsu in the known world. 'Make your daughter's boyfriend crap his pants' no jutsu.

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Tsunade awoke to a sound wave, so strong it literally flung her almost out the open window of the Hokage's office and spill her sake all over the now flying paperwork.

"UZUMAKI NARUTO! WHY ARE YOU WITH MY LITTLE GIRL, IN HER BED, AND SLEEPING WITH YOUR ARMS AROUND HER?"

When she landed Tsunade looked around in horror as the soggy sheets fell around her, scrambling to her desk she pulled up the cracked sake Kraft.

"NO My SAKE!" Tsunade was so heartbroken at the loss of her booze she slammed her forehead against the desk to cry. One of the drenched papers absently slide under her lips brought her focus away from the spill and to it… Hmm. What the hell.

[lick]

"mm."

[lick lick lick lick lick]

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**Fakers!**

Chapter 06: It comes on swift wings

By

Hibiki

"Why did the Hibiki cross the road? 'Because only Kishimoto owns the other side." ~Hibiki

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Ino rolled over and placed her head against Naruto's shoulder, muttering sleepily about warmth, before succumbing to sleep once more. Naruto wasn't so lucky. Years of conditioning had woken him up around the moment Inoichi had yelled 'Your arms'. Hey, I never said it was GOOD conditioning. Given his disposition on his chances at a real relationship he had also never learned how to handle the possibilities of dealing with a irate father while his daughter cuddled against you. But to be honest, do any of us guys ever learn how to do that?

"Um… Hello Inoichi-san."

"Get your filthy hands off my daughter, NOW." Naruto slowly let go of Ino, slipping out of her grasp and out of the bed. It was then, in the light of the sunlight Yamanaka Inoichi noticed how very little Naruto was actually wearing. And then he realized even more disturbing, that those were HIS pants covering 'The Stud's daughter defiling, Hime corrupting, little girl snatching… THING! Inoichi could stand it no longer!

"You…. How DARE you."

"I can explain, sir." Naruto wasn't one much for diplomacy, as baa-chan hadn't gotten that far yet. "You see everyone in the village is going on about me and Ino having sex so we-" She was still trying to hammer the word TACT into his brain. "-Aw shit" See, it was almost there.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Inoichi sucker punched Naruto to the floor and quickly rushed to his daughter, making sure she was alright. His brushing of her face and shoulders (Where he found the hickey) awoke his platinum haired daughter.

Mmm. Naru… Daddy?" She blinked herself awake, clutching the sheets against her as she looked between the winded Naruto and her enraged father. "Daddy stop it, this is a big misunderstanding!"

"Right I should just end it now!" He began a set of hand signs as Naruto struggled to raise himself up to defend himself, and Ino incase Inoichi had really lost it. The older Jounin slammed his hands together, chakra swirling around his fingertips just waiting to be released.

"DADDY!" A lighter blonde blur moved between him and his target. "Leave him alone!" His hands dropped instantly, his eyes telling a greater story than his actions as he stared horrified at his barely clad and wonderful daughter stood in front of the man he had just almost killed. "Just stop it! Let us explain! Please Daddy?" he nodded, feeling hollow and sick to his stomach from his actions and the chemicals running through him.

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"So me and Ino really aren't that way, to let you know." Naruto, having returned to his mostly orangey and clothed state when Ino began talking to her father first, finished the two's tale as he poured the older Yamanaka a new cup of tea. Ino had stepped out to take care of something she said in the kitchen so it just was him, and the man who probably would have killed him except for his fast growing friendship with Ino. "She probably has like a million guys after her, there is no way she'd care about me like that." The inflection the man had used there allowed the older Yamanaka in the apartment to see something he had missed, something still broken deep in the other man's psyche.

"She must care for you in some way." The man unwittingly said to comfort the man across from him. Though Inoichi would later deny anything he rather liked the younger man. "Because that Jutsu she moved in front of would have fried your brain had I used it." Naruto was on his feet hands clenched in anger as he almost spat the following words at the other man.

"Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND! Ino was RIGHT THERE! If I had dodged or you missed (He ignored the older man grumbling that the brat would insinuate he would miss) you could have hit INO! That was the STUPIDEST THING!" As Naruto worked himself up into a titter, Inoichi smiled softly, though his anger was great at the man-child, he couldn't help but give him some credit in where his worry and fear were focused on. Ino had walked back in at the start of Naruto's rambling and blushed at the vehemence of his words.

"And THAT, Naruto, is the right answer." The younger man paused in his rambling to look at the man with confused eyes as the elder stood, thanking him for the tea. "Be certain you take GOOD care of my little girl, no matter what the reason. If you hurt her I'll make sure you spend the rest of your life wanting someone to do your pigtails!" Despite the threat Naruto only smiled.

"If there is anything left after Ino got through with me, sure, I'd deserve it." As he left the apartment and the two kids (after threatening Naruto about a hundred more times). Despite everything the Elder Yamanaka just had to give the boy props.

But that still wasn't stopping him. Yamanaka Inoichi had a mission.

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"Stupid Daddy."

"Nah, don't get upset with him." Naruto replied as they watched the man walk on from the window couch. Ino blinked in confusion then up at her fellow flaxen haired ninja.

"And why not, you should be furious!"

"Why would I be angry for him loving you?" Ino started, here was another one of those deep parts of Naruto she kept stumbling in. "Everything he did was to make sure you were safe, he didn't know what I was doing to you, and he knows how strong I am if I put my mind to it. If anything, I think he's a great dad…" His stormy blue eyes turned to the Hokage monuments. "You should feel lucky to have someone care that much to risk everything for you." Ino smiled sadly and covered his hand in his as a few tears filled his eyes. He smiled brokenly, as he took her hand up to rub his whisker marks softly, nuzzling against her soft fingers. "It's the greatest thing a parent can do, I should know." Even if it was fake, he needed her right then, and even if it was for only a moment, Ino was willing. Naruto pulled Ino into his arms and held her trying hard not to breakdown as she gently stroked his hair, humming that same tune she had when he had interrupted her book the previous day.

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Inoichi had heard of silver tongues, but this was ridiculous. He had come for the right to kill Uzumaki Naruto (There had to be a clause to lawfully murder your daughter's … whatever the hell he was, he was almost liking the other fair-haired man, but only almost because he still had no right to touch his baby girl.) and he found a drunk Hokage giving him the blueberry. Her toungue looked like she had dipped it into the ink well and then tried to write with the appendage (Not that she would remember but halfway through her sake papers she HAD tried.).

"Screw you! That's my boy, bagging the sexiest kunoichi in tha village! Hahahahaha~! I can't wait for the pretty little grandbabies they'll give me! Hee hee~! The STUD~! Hahaha~! That oughta be in tha bingo book! Hahahahaha~!"

It was clear he was on his own.

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He arrived home, his day of hell over, maybe he could just turn in, and hope to god that he would wake up tomorrow and all would be back to normal.

Poor, Poor, Poor Inoichi.

For there SHE stood. Arms crossed under her chest, fingers tapping a rhythm almost as old as time. Her foot matched the beat and here lips were set in a emotionless line that promised nothing but the opposite.

_Aw Shit._

Ino had called ahead and told her mother.

"About TIME, asshole. So what is this I heard about you attacking Naruto? And I DAMN well better hear the TRUTH Yamanaka, because I swear if I think you are even lying about it your ass will-"

Damn Naruto, it had could have been such a NICE day.

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"Mendokuse, What do you want Inoichi-kun." Nara Shikaku looked at his long time partner and friend.

"My baby's shacking up with Naruto and my wife kicked me out!" The man was clearly distraught because he latched onto the Nara's jacket and began to cry. "My ladies hate me WAHHH!" For the next two hours the Elder Nara heard many things through the Yamanaka's breakdown. Mostly _'My baby's been corrupted.', 'That Bastard Uzumaki' _and the weirdest one_. 'It was such a nice day.'_

What a troublesome person.

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GOD THIS THING JUST WRITES ITSELF! I can't stop! More and more ideas keep flowing for this. It's getting a bit ridiculous and given I told myself I would refuse to plan anything for this one it's amazing how far it's come from a stupid perverted joke.

So we see a little deeper into Naruto here. A little darker than I wanted this story at the moment but all will pan out. The rest of this was just too damn hilarious to write. I'll warn you now that it reveals something you have all wanted, and because of it, darkens the story quite a bit. but afterwards chapter eight returns to something lighthearted like this chapter.

Next Chapter: His Firefly.


	7. His Firefly

Shizune, apprentice, secretary, and virtual slave to the Godaime Hokage, a normally plain looking woman unless you asked three(AN: four) men, growled. What in the WORLD was THIS thing before her? A new bingo book? But they had JUST released a new one! Seriously the amount of paperwork that had been put into that book, HER paperwork, and for what? Her master to just up and put up a new one! Ridiculous! She flipped it open, okay it looked like most of it was the same… hell it WAS the same. Wait! Here was a new page. Oh. Oh my.

"UNCLE 'RUTO's NAKED!" Her son, Keiichi, only two years of age, announced to the entire office that served under Lady Hokage. The normal hubbub that carried throughout the day ground to a halt as most of the ladies peered at her and her son at the main desk. Like a bunch of owls. Shizune thought darkly.

"No he's not honey." Most of the women dropped back to their work, disappointed. "Almost though." [SCRAAAP] a hundred chairs being pushed back and the owls appeared again. "BACK TO WORK!" The horde of women scrambled back to their places. Shizune blushed as she looked back to Naruto's picture. What in the world was HE doing in their bingo book! And that PHOTO! It was… It was… hot…. NO! INDECENT! BAD SHIZUNE! "Now I know what that was all about."

"Um. What was momma?" Her little boy smiled up to her and she laughed, loving him all the more.

"Your grandma made uncle 'Ruto pose like this."

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Fakers!

Chapter Seven: His firefly.

By

Hibiki

"Knock knock, who's there? Right's. Right's to who? Right's to whom only Kishimoto has." ~Hibiki

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The Day Earlier:

"Baa-chan! This is embarrassing! Please let me put my pants on!" Shizune blushed as she and the other women in the office leaned up against the door into the Hokage's office. A door only minutes before Naruto, The Stud, had walked into. The the most bizarre conversation had eked out of the chamber had caused most of the staff to get in close and find out the dirt.

"No! You haven't gotten your info docket picture changed since you became Genin! This is your punishment!"

"But why do I have to wear these things, it's not right!"

"When were you going to tell me you and Ino had hooked up?"

"but but…"

"But nothing! In fact strip! You better get down to Butt Nothing this instant!"

"BAA-CHAN!"

"If you don't do as I command now I'll strip you of your status as my heir instead!" There was a quiet reply, then a shift of clothing. "Oh hohoho! So the rumors were TRUE!" Shizune, while blushing up a storm, remembered having heard those same rumors herself. While she whole heartedly loved her husband Iruka (Naruto had set them up) she was just as prone to looking at pretty men as he was to women. And her talk with the younger version of the man who was naked in the other room was something she thought of from time to time.

Angry and in tears she had confronted him, more upset that he thought her ugly, hated her for being pregnant and fat. What she hadn't expected was him, almost in tears himself, admit to finding her attractive, utterly hate himself for it, think himself some sort of freak for finding her swollen belly arousing, for betraying Iruka in even daring to feel those things for her. At the time, she had been unbelievably flattered, the young man had gained a special place in her heart. Now, having seen him grow as she helped him accept those feelings for what they were in the three years that had turned him into this regular panty soaking stud, she was hard pressed not to rub her legs together any time their eyes met. Was it wrong to think 'uncle Naruto' as sexy? Apparently not. Iruka had laughed when she had finally told him. 'No, honey I would think you naive if you didn't think men other than me were handsome. Though it worries me, the only man I know capable of loving you more than me happens to be Naruto." So moved by his words she proved to him that night that though no matter what, whom she had married and loved most dearly.

"Oh don't bother trying, your hand's can't cover it all. Besides your ruining the shot!" Oh. Oh my.

"Baa-chan, please." His voice was so… dejected that Shizune made for the handle of the door, ready to help one of her precious boys. That voice reminded her of _that_ day.

"Oh all right, fine! If your going to be so moody at least put something on that fits. Put these on." Shizune paused, it sounded like Naruto had won over the drunk Hokage, or maybe in that haze of drunkenness she remembered that day as well. There were a few snaps, a quick rustle of clothing and Naruto, in his normal garb, opened the door on her as she eavesdropped. Like clockwork he had caught her in his arms as she fell into the office and looked to her stunned.

"Um, hi." They looked at each other then blushed as he sat her down his hand resting on her stomach to steady her. Knowing what it did to him only made her blush further.

"It's uh, nice running into you Shi-chan but I need to get out of here before Baa-chan finds something even more embarrassing to do to me. I'll see you later okay? Daisuki." He kissed her cheek, as he always did since they had talked and ran for it as the Hokage approached, ruining her talk with one of her boys.

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Present Day:

Shizune knew this must have been a drunken plan on the Hokage's part, something that shouldn't even go past her. But after what she did to Naruto made the married woman feel a little vindictive. Besides, the Hokage was missing like half of the good stuff. Shizune got out her pen and began making corrections.

"That one says pony!" Keiichi pointed to the word as his mother wrote it.

"Right!" Her boy was so smart.

"That's a chicken!"

"Close enough."

"What's that one mean?"

"You'll know when you grow up."

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Naruto let himself into Ino's apartment with all the rush of a man walking death row. As he closed the door behind him, letting himself in like he had the last few times he had been over, he slipped off his boots and into a cheap pair of slippers Ino had gotten him just in case he came over. Hearing meat sizzle from the right he headed into little kitchen trying to figure out how to tell her the news.

"Good morning, Naruto-baka." She smiled to him as she cooked.

"Morning Hime. Would you like some help?" he always asked, and it made her smile widen at his offer but she shook her head, like she always did.

"No thank you, would you like some?" She liked to cook, he had learned, and it easily made her day when she got to cook for others so if she was cooking and offered he made it a point to accept.

"Sure I would love some, you know I enjoy your cooking too much to refuse." And it was true, too. Yamanaka Ino was not someone people would think as a Susie homemaker. Or whatever the Konohian equivalent was. But Naruto had been pleasantly surprised. In fact since his confession to her that night, things had been getting better for him, as if some of that weight had been lifted from his shoulders. And he liked the fact Ino had been smiling more as well. It made him feel good to make such a friend happy.

'Ino thank you again about that night." He smiled warmly when she kissed his cheek, she had been doing that more often lately, of course it was getting rather comfortable as they played… what was it she called it? Oh right, grown up 'playing house' over this last week and a half.

"For the millionth time, thank YOU." She meant it, he knew that smile too well. "It makes me happy that you can trust me! I know we weren't good friends before all this but I'd like to think of you as a dear one now."

"I'd like to think that too, hime." She had become one of his most precious people in such a short time, he was glad she felt that way too. But he steeled his resolve. "I have some good news and some bad news."

"I don't want to hear any bad news on such a nice day like this so just lemme hear the good bit." That was so Ino.

"The village has stopped talking about us dating."

"Wow, you mean they gave up that quickly? I'm shocked!" She wouldn't tell him also rather disappointed too.

"Not… exactly."

"Naruto, what do you mean by not exactly?" Though it was a question the command was clear, quit beating around the bush and just say it. "This is the bad news isn't it." he nodded before swallowing his fear then steeled himself once more.

"Well, when does my iinazuke want to set the date?" The room was quiet except for the sizzle of the fish in the pan.

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Tsunade awoke from a drunken slumber by a voice breaking the sound barrier.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN SET THE DATE!"

Tsunade pulled herself back into the room from the window and clutched at her 'special' paperwork.

"Damn those Yamanakas have lungs on them." hic. "heheehee I bet she's a screamer."

[lick lick lick]

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"My what a wonderful breakfast." Naruto muttered as he peeled the boiling fish away from his hair and threw it into the sink. "What do you think I mean, They UPPED the freaking rumors! Someone saw me kneeling to you in the hall when I asked to stay the night and now the whole freaking town has congratulated me on proposing to you!"

"What the hell are we suppose to do now? How the hell will we 'break it off' if the rumors keep growing as they are? I mean by next month I'll be married to you with a baby on the way!" He reddened as that oh so appealing thought burst from her mouth.

_Coming home, tired from work, he opened the door to finding her angelic form walking from cleaning some dishes, a beautiful smile appearing on her face as he walked to her. Enthralled by her, he reached down, pulling her close and kissed her tenderly, softly, lovingly. She brought his hand up to her swollen belly, letting him feel their child, his love for her ever growing 'Welcome home, 'daddy'.' she'd say, her blue eyes so full of love he couldn't resist kissing her again. _

NO! NO NO NO! Bad Naruto, ignore that! Oh god, that was his greatest hidden desire. To be married and have that special someone there with him. So what if it was cliché, so what if it was so normal that people would never expect he, Uzumaki Naruto, was more interested in being a father and husband than even Hokage. It was true, and since his appointment to Tsunade's heir to the title, his fantasy had plagued his dreams with increasing frequency, and the featureless woman was starting to resemble a certain blonde haired lady too, but never had it been so strong. Why'd she hafta up and say it! "Seriously Naruto-baka, could you imagine if that were really true?" well shit.

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"N-no. I ah can't." She never credited him with the ability to lie through his teeth but that was bad even for him. So he COULD! Did that mean he HAD? Should she risk upsetting him to find out? Now it was making her SO curious!

"W-was it…" He looked to her and she stumbled over her words. Rallying her resolve she forced the words out. "Did I, uh. make a good wife?" His eyes widened before he looked away at anything but her, his face a blaze. When she finally thought she had gone too far and made to apologize profusely a whisper so quiet she almost missed it broke the silence.

"The best." She swore to heaven and hell if he didn't stop saying all those absolutely adorable and perfect things, then his wishes, her wishes, the towns wishes, all of them be dammed she was going to take him and have her way with him. And she knew damn well if she did, she was starting to like him too much to let go.

What would being married to Naruto be like? Despite his excitable and childish nature she knew of his more serious and mature side that was a part of him too. He wanted to be Hokage, he was well on his way, his position in the village was secure, but what did he want in his personal life? Oh lord he would drown her in love.

'_I have hurt, or killed, not by my own hands but the hands of my enemies, every girl I DARED love and let love me. I don't ever want you to even JOKE about something so… PRECIOUS to me ever again, Ino. I'd NEVER dare do something like that unless I was madly in love with her and right now I am having a hard time not HATING you!'_

Only he was terrified to love, and it physically hurt her to say it, he may have been right to do so. They had talked about it after he broke down that night after her father left. His mother and father, killed not ten minutes after he was born by Madara and Kyuubi's rage. His caretaker had been crippled protecting him when he was a child, the Sandaime moving him to his own apartment soon after. Sakura and the scar still present on her arm to this day. Hinata was clinically dead for a minute five during the Pein attack for merely standing up to protect the man she loved. She would ignore his remark having lost control he had put his whole village in danger for letting the fox get to eight tails afterwards. She had pushed down a surge of jealousy as Naruto remarked he loved Shizune and Sasuke, using his brother's eyes, read it in his head. In a urge to either incapacitate Naruto or force him to use the fox (so he could use it to finish what the Uchiha and Kyuubi had started 19 years prior at the time.) Shizune nearly lost Keiichi and her own life by the last Uchiha and his sword into her gut. And then there was… Hotaru.

Hotaru was a secret she learned only Shizune, Iruka, Gaara, and Tsunade knew about. A civilian girl only six at the time was brought into the hospital tent after her family died in the Pein attack, for their bodies were too far gone for their souls to return to. When she was bought back to life with Nagato's power her body had been flung from his Shinra Tensei with such force almost all her bones had been broken and her shattered form lay under the remains of her family and her home. She had cried out in both the pain of her body and the pain of staring at her dead family's remains for two days, till she had screamed herself raw and bloody. On the third day, the searchers, that is to say Naruto found her. It had broken his heart to find her in that state. As gently as he could, which still made the girl gurgle up blood in a raspy scream he had taken her to Shizune. With Sakura and many others busy on the shinobi forces only a select few medic nin could afford to work on the dozens of civilians that came in. Shizune had been set to keep watch of the down Hokage at the time so her reserves were higher than all the others and her skills second to none. Naruto's pleading so desperate forced the Hokage's assistant into trying to mend the shattered girl. All she managed was to heal her enough to live. The damage to her small frame was probably the most extensive she had ever seen, it was a miracle she had lived and continued to do so.

When the hospital was finished she was one of the first patients emitted into their long term ward. And Naruto went and saw her every chance he could. When she was awake she was a bright happy child, full of love to give and a smile on her face. So long as she was kept under an slow but ever increasing anesthetic to keep the pain from her shattered limbs at bay. Tsunade and Shizune both struggled to adapt Lee's surgery to her body, over two years they had tried to get the chances of a higher than her 21% chance of survival with no avail. Lee's body was hardier, stronger than a six year old civilian's. So for two years, Naruto came and went to visit a little girl that lovingly called him Papa or Naruto-daddy as she slowly deteriorated from her wounds sustained in a battle he had caused.

Naruto was shaking so hard that night when he got to this point she could do nothing but wrap her arms around him. His words still brought tears to her eyes.

"_I was summoned into the hospital after returning from a mission. Tsunade said it was urgent. W-when I got there Shizune, Iruka, with Keiichi, and Tsunade were waiting for me. T-they said s-she was near the e-nd and that the sedatives weren't helping with the pain any more. T-they had to put her o-onto a machine to keep her heart beating and they wanted. Oh god. They wanted me, as her g-guardian, to make the choice." _When Hotaru became a ward of the state Naruto had applied to be her guardian, and was accepted on Tsunade's behalf. _"She was in so much pain, Ino. My baby hurt so bad and I couldn't help her! B-but she still turned to me, smiled though all that pain, and said 'Hi Naruto-daddy.'" _He had clung to her, his pain still as raw as it had been on that day as tears poured from his face, his shoulders trembling with sobs. _"I sat with her, talking to her trying to find the c-courage to s-say goodbye and how happy she had m-made me by b-being my l-little girl for as long as she had when she… when she… begged me. 'It hurts so much Daddy, please make it stop.' I nodded. 'O-okay, Hotaru, Daddy will make it s-stop.' I told her how much I loved her, and that where she was going to be going it w-wouldn't hurt anymore, and that her other family would be waiting for her. She asked me 'A-are you g-going to be there d-daddy?' and Dadd-y had to say 'No, honey, he can't go there yet, he has to make sure no other little girl would be hurt like you have.' She couldn't move her head from the pain but I knew she had nodded. 'I'll miss you d-daddy.' 'I'll miss you too baby, so much. I love you. I love you so much.' and then Daddy let her go. He watched his little girl pass away in front of him."_

Eight year old Uzumaki Hotaru was placed with her parents on July 14th in the hundred and seventy second year of the shinobi age.

How could you not fall in love with a man who loved so deeply like that… How could you resist the urge try and give that man some piece of your heart to try and fill all those broken parts of his? Part of her wondered about that, that night after he had left, ashamed he had unloaded all of his pain on her, despite her assuring him she was not upset. As she laid in a bed that still had a hint of his scent in it her mind traveled to his words to Sasuke just before he killed him. They had a much deeper meaning now she knew of his daughter.

"_You may be my brother, but I can't risk letting you hurt another anymore." _At the time of the battle she had thought he meant Shizune, now she wasn't so certain.

She watched him as he cleaned up the mess she had made with a smile, happy to help her in something. It felt so right with him there, so easy to slip into the role she was only suppose to play.

No, she realized, it was getting a little _too_ easy to see herself married to Naruto.

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People had wondered and wondered what it was he said. Now you know. Over the top reaction? Not really, imagine the pain of loosing so many people you love, having so many hurt because they love you. Even the strongest of hearts can break under those. People like me and this Naruto who give out our hearts to anyone, sooner or later you can't keep it in anymore. I at least have people I can talk to my age who wouldn't judge me if I do something stupid or let myself get to attached to the wrong sort of woman and get burned by. Naruto, other than his team and Gaara I don't see him with the chance to let something like this go. Sai and Sakura are close to him, but the way I wrote it before Sai is sorta out there and Sakura and him had the bad version breakup instead of Shikamaru and Ino's. So imagine, you feel like you can't love anyone because something horrible will happen, and you overhear someone casually mention that you and her do something you equate the supreme act of love for some sort of stupid challenge or joke. It'd be like taking all you hold dear, everything you had lost and throwing it into your face and laughing. It didn't matter that the person didn't know that was something special, only that they had hurt YOU.

There was to be a humorous piece added to the end of this to set up the next chapter but Hotaru took a lot out of me. I'll admit I am a method writer, I FEEL what I write. I haven't cried like that in a long time, not since my grandfather passed away. I just can't feel perky enough to finish this on too happy a note at the moment. Sorry guys.

EDIT: I'm sending this out on the same day as chapter 6, because i will not have a chance to upload it tomorrow morning. Chapter 08 is done, needs some spit and polish to fit chapter 7's big emotional rollercoaster and to give me some leneancy for when I can start chapter nine and make sure loose ends meet the best way for maximum effect. Have a good weekend folks.

EDIT 2: Fixed some o the glaring holes I didn't see when writing this thing. I had just JUST finished the Hotaru section when the power failed. I was so distraught about loosing that lone piece because I had put so much of myself into it that when the power came back I only looked to it instead of other areas. That has been since rectified.

Next Chapter: The XXX Class Shinobi


	8. The XXX Class Shinobi

_Dear Kazekage-nii, how are you?,_

_You better not be causing Matsuri-chan any trouble while I am gone. You two better not be going at it on my desk. How's Kankuro? Has he found anyone to like that stupid face of his yet? Anything interesting Nothing much hasn't happened here until just recently and man is it BIG! You'll never believe what I have been hearing about Naruto and Yamanaka Ino!_

Kazekage of Sunakagure, Gaara no Sabaku, paused in his letter from his sister and looked as his wife flipped through the new bingo book sent with the letter in his lap as they sat in his office.

"Temari sends her love."

"Mm, nice of her." She stretched in a way that made the young kage think about breaking in Temari's desk... again.

"How did Kankuro's date last night turn out again?"

"The girl ran home in tears when she found out he wore more makeup than she did."

"Temari will be disappointed to hear." Matsuri jerked in his lap when she flipped the page.

"Oh! Oh my!"

"What is it?"

"The Stud of Konoha! Hubba hubba!" What? "My goodness I didn't know Naruto-kun was talented in THAT way as well."

"What is this about Uzumaki Nartuo?" Matsuri moved the book into his line of sight and pointed. What the hell? He grabbed the book.

"Naruto, Uzumaki, age 21. Nicknames: The Stud. The Sho…"

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Fakers!

Chapter Eight: XXX Class Shinobi.

By

Hibiki

"How do you make a lawyer stop charging? Tell him Kishimoto owns everything!" ~Hibiki

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"The Shodai Aikage of Tanoshimikagure?"(The founding Love Shadow of the Village hidden in Pleasure.) Akatsuchi, personal assistant to the Tsuchikage remarked as he looked at the book his grandfather was holding. (Hey if KuroTSUCHI was his granddaughter what's to say AkaTSUCHI isn't his grandson either.)

"WHAT the hell is a XXX class Shinobi! He must have become some super ninja for his own village to put him into their own bingo books!" Onoki, Sandaime Tsuchikage of Iwagakure gestured wildly. "How much has that Jinchuriki of Konoha's strengthened since we last saw little Naruto-kun?"

"I have no clue, but look at all these names he's gained! And that PICTURE!" His granddaughter was looking awfully hard at that filth the Slug princess had dared deem fit to call a photo "… Ne, Ojii-san, are we sending any teams to Konoha's Chunin exam this year?" The man had not stayed the Tsuchikage for almost fifty years simply because he was stubborn… well actually he had but that hadn't meant he had lost his mental edge.

"The Kunoichi of team 21 are ready to take the test, but their instructor will be ready to give birth to her second child at that so they will be unable to attend." He could feel it coming. She wouldn't still be after the life of the man who had saved them all, would she? He had not laid the issue of the Kiiroi Senko and the third shinobi war aside when the son of the Yondaime Hokage had stood up for those thousands fighting for freedom in the last great war?

"PERFECT! I'll take her place, seduce the Uma Ondori no Konoha (I'll let you all figure out that one), and bring myself home a stud! Bye Ojii-chan! I'll go get the paperwork for team 21 ready to go!" Old Kage Onoki's eyes widened as her words filtered through his brain.

Matte! Kurotsuchi-chan!" But the female was gone to get things in order. The sudden action of trying to chase her down caused a remarkably LOUD crack in the little Kage's body. "GAAAK! My back! Akatsuchi! S-stop her!"

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"Little bro Naruto's got the knack, for knocking up girls with his massive bat!"

"Shut up Bi." A remarked, as the Yondaime Raikage read the revised manual. Motoi had already tuned out his best friend.

"Let's hit up the leaf at the exams, just to make sure he's in the best of hands."

"If we go will you shut UP?"

"hehe… YUP!" A groaned as Kirabi paused then began writing what he had said into his notebook. Motoi only sighed, having long since given up changing that quirk in his friend.

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"Oh my how Naruto-kun has grown since last I saw him. And what a… delectable set of names he has gained. Ooo I wonder how skilled he is in giving one of these, it's been a while since I've had one." Terumi Mei, the Godaime Mizukage, one of the most beautiful of all the country of Mizu, sat across her chair sensuously rubbing a plucked grape across her lips as she read up on Konoha's XXX shinobi. Ao and Chojuro, her most popular guards stood on either side of her as she giggled and squirmed as she read all up on 'The Stud'.

"Ma'am. Are you sure it's wise to look at a potential enemy in such a manor? Not to mention his age." Ao clammed shut as Mei's eyes of jade snapped into focus at him.

"If you mention my age one more time, I'll kill you, Ao." She turned to poor Chojuro who was blushing up a storm as her feet slide against his chest as she moved. "Chojuro-kun… I'm perfect the way I am, right?"

"I don't think there is anyone more perfect Mei-sama!" Ao shook his head at the weak minded fool. The swordsman's crush had turned into full blown worship of their Mizukage over the years and the woman was using it constantly to her every advantage. Those same Jade daggers turned back to the byakugan user.

"See, even Chojuro-kun thinks I'm perfect for Naruto-kun." Ignoring the slumped shoulders of defeat from the other guard Ao chose to merely clear his throat.

"As he said, ma'am. I'll brook no further."

"Damn straight because I want you to…"

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"…Make plans to go to the Chunin Exams at once, Matsuri-chan." His wife looked at him confused.

"Oh so we ARE going? I thought you said you were going to leave Suna's dealings in Temari's hands?" Gaara nodded.

"I was but it seems my esteemed sister is about to do something that might hurt my best friend. And not to mention you know what date will fall in that time." Matsuri nodded. The one day the second most wonderful man (because he returned with her first) in her life let down his guard down. The third set of exams would be held in July. That was her Gaara alright, always worrying about his loved ones, it just made her melt.

"I love you Gaara." He kissed her hard, his hands roaming her body before she stood, throwing the book down to the side. "Come on, let's get a few more rounds out of Temari-chan's desk before we get back to work." His wonderful wife, how could he resist her. Gaara threw down the letter onto his desk before moving after his wife playfully, it was Temari's fault for getting that soft topped desk anyway..

The letter fell onto the ground forgotten for the moment.

…_Naruto proposed to Ino! In less than a week after we found out about them supposedly. Can you believe it? I couldn't, in fact I am so certain this is just a bunch of rumors I'm going to take a shot at him myself. I'll break their little charade and make him notice me one way or another! Well I need to get back to work, enjoy the new Bingo book, I know I am!_

_Your loving sister,_

_Temari no Sabaku._

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"ACHOO!" Naruto finally came out of his fit and looked apologetically at Ino who stared at him concerned.

"I dunno what came over me, I'm sorry Hime-chan, I didn't mean to ruin dinner." Ino shook her head.

"it's fine, but are you okay, I've never seen anyone sneeze that hard or much before. Do you feel warm, lemme check." She pushed up his headband in a swift motion and before he could compensate her forehead was against his. Choking on his own breath, Naruto's eyes roamed over her delicate features up close. Though her eyes were closed, it merely brought out other items. Like the curve of her cheeks, the point of her chin, the little hollow between her chin and that kissable little mouth. His eyes stared on those lightly puckered lips until her eyelashes opened allowing him to look into her eyes. He swallowed again, trying to clear his throat. "I feel a little fever, not to bad but still, I don't want to send you out tonight." Huh?

"Huh?" Good intelligent response.

"Remember when I said leave some clothes here in case of emergency?" he nodded. "Well here you go."

"But Hime, a little fever isn't an emergency." Medic-Ino put her foot down. Baka Naruto, having been whipped, complied. A couple of minutes later found himself in bed with this platinum haired goddess in a lavender two piece so thin and light every one of her curves were highlighted. He was certain she couldn't have looked better, even nude. Once again she slide up against him, wrapped his arm around her and began to drift off.

"Goodnight, my Naruto-baka." She murmured sleepily, he was certain she hadn't realized what she said but it made his heart beat faster for a moment.

"G-goodnight, my Hime." She smiled contently, gave his arm a tired squeeze as she snuggled against him further, then was out. Naruto laid awake a few more minutes, just taking in the sight of her in his arms, amazed at all the changes having Ino in his life had wrought. "What did I do right to have you here and in my life, Hime?" He kissed the top of her head, smiling as she made a soft sound at the touch then let himself drift asleep, the soft sound of her breathing lulling him to pleasant dreams.

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Oh the tangled webs I weave. This may be the last one for a few days while my brother in law resets my computer, it turns out the problem with my laptop is in a glitchy Vista, not a worm or something.

Next Chapter: My Hime


	9. My Hime

"So I decided, since my cute little students did so well on this mission, you are ready to try for the Chunin Exams which will be starting soon after we get back home." Uzumaki Naruto couldn't have been more proud of his genin girls. They had finished their first C turned B rank mission with flying colors… he soured slightly. It had only turned into a B rank because of his Baa-chan's stupid bingo book entry. Ami no Shirokusa (Ami of the white grass), B class Missing nin from Kusakagure had heard of 'The Stud's arrival to Tea country and wanted to try his prowess in both combat and, to his utter horror, the bedchambers. Somehow he had escaped without upsetting the woman who could snap him in half like a twig if she had half a mind. While a nice person and on good turns with Konoha now (thanks to Naruto's infallible charm), Ami no Shirokusa was a little big. Little like Tsunade baa-chan or Moegi-chan were a little top heavy. Like Sakura-chan was a little bitchy, like Hime was just a little cute… _GOD DAMMIT!_ He was thinking of her again! He grabbed his head and shook it to try to push her image out of his head. _Think unsexy thoughts! Yamaguchi in a thong! GAH! Ero-Sennin a bikini. Urp… I'm gonna be sick._

"Naruto-sensei is thinking about Ino-sensei again…" Haruka remarked sipping her tea as they walked, the rest of team seven didn't seemed bothered by it, as it was one of the quirks that made up the bizarre team. "They say love sickness is the strongest disease."

"Given how much Sensei has been distracted I think I see their point." Haruna stated cheerfully, she put a finger on her cheek. "But I wouldn't mind having it right now either! Haruna-chan want's a prince to sweep her off her feet!"

"Sniff sniff. Seeenseeeei~." Harumi was utterly forlorn, crocodile tears pouring down her cheeks, as she watched her sensei walk a few more feet before he pulled at his hair again. "Why won't you think of me like that…? It's not fair! Harumi-chan want's Sensei's horse-!" [Smack!]

Haruka walked past her sister, tea in one hand, while blowing on the other, red from friction caused by it's sudden and violent contact upon her idiot sister's thick skull. Yes, team seven was efficient. But just like all the ones before it, they were absolutely bizarre.

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Fakers!  
Chapter 09: My Hime  
By  
Hibiki

"Your saying 'I own you' but all i hear is 'Kishimoto owns this'" -Hibiki

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Oh Naruto-sama…" Ami no Shirokusa whispered. The woman's well endowed six' nine", three hundred pound frame, stood upon a limb of the tallest tree around, as she watched the four leaf nins walked out of sight longingly. Naruto-sama, The Stud of Konoha, had left a lasting impression on the large woman. Most men ran from her, called her horrible things. She hadn't meant to cripple the Kusa Daimyo… but he called her… THAT word, and everything else was blank until she woke up with her team screaming and the twitching form of the bastard in her massive hands. So she was thrown out, exiled, not liked enough to have hunter nins come after her, no reward for her to be offered. Assholes. So she ended up working as a merc for some jerk in Tea, bored to tears until HE had showed up. Thinking his book entry a joke she was surprised by his mettle. Then in the heat of battle she was done, and in an instant, she thought, she was to be dead. A rabbit had been startled out of hiding and into the line of his giant Rasengan as he rushed forward.

Ami no Shirokusa was an odd ninja, most would agree but kinder than almost all before her. Most would have let the rabbit die to save themselves. She refused. Grabbing the rabbit and cradling it against her she waited for pain that would never come. The man had stopped entirely with a look of surprise that quickly morphed into a rather handsome grin. Then he praised her. Her the giant, fat, freakish Kunoichi who had been his enemy, admiring her physical prowess and kind nature. They had made instant friends then, something she had really never had before. Oh he was SUCH a wonderful man! She would finish her job here in Tea and then make her way to Konoha and take up that offer he had given about becoming a Konoha nin. Maybe, she giggled, if she played her cards right, more. She bounced at the thought before her limb snapped under her shifting weight and she went crashing down with a surprised yelp.

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Today… officially… SUCKED.

Morino-san had given the crew three days off after Konoha's snake mistress had returned from her mission a little… happy. And unlike an uptight Mitarashi Anko, a Happy Mitarashi Anko made nuke nin's shit their pants, so Ino was on leave until Anko's eccentricities had… wound down and for the janitors to get the smell out of the building. She had spent the first day off at her parent's helping out in the store with her niece Sanko, playing a game or two of Shougi with her father, and helping her mother cook. It was nice but her heart hadn't been in it.

Her mother had picked up on that fact almost right away while her father, as much as she loved him, was an idiot. Her mother had started in on her when they worked on the dishes, probably because it was one of the things she had allowed Naruto to help her with and she probably looked rather miserable because it was all she could think about. It didn't help that the last time they had done it, they had a foam fight. That lovable idiot had started it right after dinner that night when she had gotten upset when soap had gotten on her favorite shirt ruining it, she knew he had done so to get her mind off of it. By the time it was over they were covered with bubbles and they were gasping for air as they laughed at one another. He had looked so adorable too with the tip of his nose covered with bubbles and him trying to see it. God, remembering it just made her miss him more!

"_You miss him, don't you?" _Ino had nodded, knowing there was no use in hiding anything from her mother.

"_He's been around so much this last month because of those stupid rumors that I had gotten use to it."_

"_How have you been holding up?"_

"_Well it was pretty much okay this week with work _(Actually Ibiki thought with how angry and moody she'd been, she was the second coming of Anko, but that was besides the point.)_, but now…" _Ino had ground her teeth and banged her fists against the sink._ "It's all a lie so WHY can't I deal with this?" _She had hissed to herself more than her mother as the older woman wrapped her daughter up in a hug.

"_You told me that Naruto-kun was a very special person. Do you still think that so?" _Ino nodded. It was getting really hard to find faults with the idiot, and when she did... It was him, and she couldn't help like those parts too_ "That's why." _As if that made any sense, oh she knew damn well what her mother was implying, but she wasn't taking. Her mother probably had realized she wasn't going to take that bait and diverted the subject another direction. She always knew her mother was the smarter parent._ "So when does Naruto-kun come home?"_

"_Supposedly his team's mission should have just ended, he should be back tomorrow… Hopefully." _She whispered on the end, and though her mother picked up on it said nothing, though she was smiling wider now. Probably imagining grand-babies or something that would make her long for that idiot more.

"Well then. _Tomorrow, I want you to do something for me. Promise me!" _And she waited until Ino had._ "Forget the rumors, forget your father, just forget everything and just follow what FEELS right."_

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"Nothing yet, Yamanaka-san." Izumo had remarked for the eighth some odd time that day when Ino wandered to the gate earlier.

She sighed, annoyed at her mother's stupid advice, rather disappointed and more than feeling the fool about standing there, looking out at the forest that surrounded the city like some lovesick housewife whose husband was late from a mission (Everyone assumed it anyway, so why the hell not.). She was sure she looked it, no thanks in part to her white mid thigh length dress that was so different than her normal ninja garb. Her hair was out of her normal ponytail because she had broken her hairband with nervous fidgeting, leaving her platinum hair to waterfall well her past her rear. Resting on one hand poised shoulder height on the pillar that held the door and the other across her waist she looked out hopefully for any sign. So picturesque was the scene and so long had she held it, that Sai had walked by, delivered his mission report, come back, and sketched her. She would kill him later, she had more important things on her mind.

The sun was almost down past the Hokage monument, She was hot, a little hungry, and her feet were killing her, why had she decided to wear heels again? No matter, it wasn't that big a deal she guessed. A little downtrodden that she wouldn't see him again today she turned and began walking home.

Had she known that dramatic moments only happened when one gives up a few seconds late she would have turned and started to walk home hours ago. As it was the moment she passed Izumo and Kotetsu in their little shack the voice of the man she had been waiting for reached her.

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"Okay girls, you can head on home, I'll handle telling the Hokage about the mission. Rest up and eat well, I'll be giving you or your mother your entrance slips tomorrow. You'll have until the day of the Exams off to prepare and decide if you are ready or not to take them. Think about this hard, ladies, this isn't playing around or anything. The Chunin Exams have deaths in them every year." With his cute students advised and warned Naruto dismissed them. And not a moment too soon either.

"NARUTO!" Was all the warning he had gotten before he caught a leaping goddess. His hands wormed around her waist as her wrapped around his neck and into his hair. Naruto pulled her close, his head resting on hers, both surprised and ashamed by how wonderful it felt having her in his arms after being away form her for so long. Her voice, her scent, her presence filling that void that had plagued his dreams and occupied his mind since he had left. "I missed you, was worried." She murmured into his neck, nuzzling against his warmth as she hugged him closer.

"Hime, I missed you too… I'm sorry I worried you." his hand ran through her long hair, surprised to feel it down, since she rarely wore it that way out of the house. "You changed your hair, it's nice." She laughed so carefree, the returning Jounin could have stayed there all night just to hear it again. He lifted his head to talk to her he noticed just how close her lips were to his and after the week he had just had he couldn't resist any longer. "Hime." He leaned in aching to taste her.

"Naruto…"

"Hey look it's 'Hey Yo' G, just the man we came to see!" Ino and Naruto slipped away from each other instantly, both reeling from the loss of the others warmth and the realization of just how close they had come to kissing. Flustered beyond belief and frustrated further still, Naruto did what he always did in awkward moments. Yell. A lot.

"Bi that sucked, you stupid Ox! So why don't you listen to the man with the fox!" Naruto finished his rap, slammed fists with the big man and the two laughed. Ino blinked. What? Given how close she had kissed the blonde haired man she was still a little disoriented. Had she missed something?

"God both of you shut up." A large, one armed, man remarked, he was just as tan as the sunglass wearing swordsman Naruto had greeted. He wasn't alone either.

"Uzumaki Naruto." A semi-familiar red head with a brunette on his arm was followed with a rather large group of ninja.

"Gaara, Matsuri-chan!" Naruto was over wrapping both up in a hug.

"Naruto-kun!" Two women called out, glaring at each other for a moment then went back to looking at 'The Stud'.

"Mei-chan, Kurotsuchi-san. Why are you all here?" Naruto palmed his fist. "You are all here for the Chunin Exams, of course! Great!"

"Ojii-chan sends his greetings but his back will keep him away until the finals." The ebon haired female remarked, her pink eyes swimming with amusement at her grandfather's ailment.

Tsunade and a large group of Konoha nin approached to greet their guests but Ino had barely noticed as Naruto had grabbed her hand and pulled her forward.

"Gaara, you remember Ino-chan, right" Gaara nodded.

"Yamanaka-san, hello again." Ino bowed to the Kazekage. "I have been hearing some interesting rumors about you two." The Red haired man was jabbed in the side. "...This is my wife, Matsuri, by the way." Matsuri bowed.

"Hello Ino-san." Ino bowed back.

"M-Matsuri-sama." Matsuri waved her off.

"Please anyone with Naruto can just call me Matsuri." Before she could reply Ino was being dragged in front of the other people.

"Ino-hime, these folks are: The Yondaime Raikage A-san. His brother, Bi-oniisan and his friend Motoi-san." Naruto pointed at the two giants and their tattooed guard. "That's Samui-san and her team." The two women and their teammates nodded to him. Behind them must have been their Chunin hopefuls. "She's Sandaime-tsuchikage-jiisan's granddaughter Kurotsuchi-chan, um I don't know the girls. Gomen girls." Team 21 giggled and Kurotsuchi blushed at the chan added to her name. "Over there is Godaime Mizukage, Mei-chan, and with her is Ao-san and Chojuro-kun." He pointed to the voluptuous Mizukage and her two guards. Three or so teams were behind her as well but he didn't know them either.

Naruto, oblivious to the nervousness of the girl beside him, had pulled her beside him. She nervously played with a lock of her hair as four of the five Kage's, almost all of Konoha, all their friends and some of the most powerful people from around the known world focused on solely at her, and she had worn this stupid short girly girly dress. She was going to either faint or die from embarrassment. Then she would kill Naruto.

"Mina (Everyone), this is Yamanaka, Ino." …Only… He didn't say Yamanaka.

"My?" Mei started, her eyes narrowed.

"Hime?" Kurotsuchi finished. She frowned.

Ino's heart felt like it was going to beat itself out of her chest while her face a blaze. All she could think was what her idiot had just told the world.

"_Mina, this is my Hime, Ino."_

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Man, I can't decide how I am going to have Ino act after this moment. You ever have those moments where you want to say something else and something completely different spews out. Be it the next word in the sentence you were to say and your mouth jumped ahead, another name for what you are describing to a similar sounding word, or even just a switched letter in one spot for another. You hear people making jokes about Freudian Slips but sometimes I like it when someone gets use to calling someone something and they can't stop themselves from using it all the time.

"Seki de ichi-ban ohime-sama!" … To Naruto that is anyway. Hahaha. If people know what that is from read from Izumo talking forward with either it playing or think about it compared to what Ino is wearing and her attitude about things after she took her mother's advise. The moment I thought about the title that song has been In my head.

For those who don't check out Miku Hatsune: The World is Mine. Hell just check out a lot of her stuff. It's what I have been listening to since I began writing these. Probably the reason for some of the nicknames and titles being used. All i know is I cursed out a Mr Dirt for making me an hour late in Japanese, for most of that hour. Baka Tsuchi-san.

ARGH! I dunno how to start the next one but once I do it's gonna be a ... maelstrom of chaos and hilarity. mostly done, will begin polishing it up and tweaking it to fit 11 when I start on it. The more reviews and thoughts about how Ino would react the better ideas I can get to start off:

Next Chapter: MINE! or The Hunt for The Stud October.


	10. MINE!

Fakers!

Chapter Ten: MINE!

By

Hibiki

"Some joke about rights that Hibiki doesn't own but Kishimoto does here." ~Hibiki

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After his little slip of the tongue, Naruto found himself in the middle of a cold war, not that he had known it. A regular Mexican stand off, only the point wasn't to shoot first but see who could holster his 'pistol' first. A race to bag the big man of konoha.

"Ne, Naruto-kun, mind showing me around Konoha? I've never been since it was rebuilt." Kurotsuchi was the first off the starting line, latching her arms around Naruto's left, nuzzling up against him. She had gained some buxom to her figure since last they had met and was mashing it for all it was worth against him.

"Eh? But, it's dark, you wouldn't be able to see anything." Naruto replied, completely missing the reason. Half the city nearly fell over in shock.

"Oh but I am sure there are tons of places especially in the dark where you can show me all SORTS of things." He jerked back in shock, as that insinuation came through loud and clear, into two very soft yet firm things. Thankfully having woken up with Ino a few times in various compromising ways he knew exactly what they were and skipped the confused examination of those items that would facilitate his early demise. Only he couldn't figure out WHY they were THERE on his FACE.

"As a Kage I have to ask for the first tour, dearie." Mei. He gasped away from those erogenous peaks and turned to try and escape when his eyes caught HER… Oh. Oh my.

Yamanaka's were well known for their prowess as mind readers and emotion dealers. What was never said was a jealous Yamanaka was a scary sight to see. And Yamanaka Ino was an exceptional Yamanaka. He reached out to her, his hand almost reaching her.

It was then a of another pair of green eyed monsters appeared. As Ino would later put it a hideous green eyed forehead monster and her sandy bitch backstabber.

"NARUTO!" And the two promptly smashed their chests into his face as well, blocking his hime from sight. "Come on! We haven't seen each other in forever!" Sakura remarked.

"Why not come with me Naruto, we can have a lot of fun together." Temari jiggled hoping it would make him focus on him more.

And then it was a full on Naruto pouncing affair, as Ino's happy moment came crashing down.

"Naruto, take me!"

"Naruto-sensei try my three for one loli offer!" [smack]

"Naruto-kun make me yours!" All the while Ino stood in front of him, her face showing nothing but utter loathing. Still the only things utter from his lips as he held a hand out to her were:

"Hime! Tasukete! Onigai!" over and over as more and more women were pouring onto him, Ino was loosing sight of him soon only his hand was left, still reaching out for her and Ino's body blurred into action as she snapped.

"Get your hands off MY man you SLUTS!" She grabbed the hand and with some effort pulled him out, sending a few (Sluts -Ino) flying. "Naruto-baka RUN!" She could have told him to tap dance naked in the snow and he would have readily, feeling his hand in hers as they took off. The womanly pile began pulling themselves off one another to give chase.

A, rather amused by all that had happened, watched as Naruto and Ino ran.

"This this would be a good test or the Chunin Exam, eh Tsunade?" No response. "Tsunade?" Then looked over, gone. A face-palmed as her voice broke over the yelling.

"Ohohohohoh~! Come on girls find that STUD! GIMME GRAND-BABIES! HaaHaaHaaHEE~!"

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Shizune bounced on the balls of her feet, a smirk like that of the cat who ate the canary on her lips as she eyed her husband then looked to the fleeing blondes. Iruka sighed, realizing what she was asking, then laughed.

"May I?" She asked aloud this time.

"Alright, I suppose I can't let you miss out on all the fun." She gave him a kiss, whispered something in his ear that made the Chunin blush smiling wide as his wife keeled to talk with his son.

"Wanna help mamma catch Uncle 'Ruto?"

"Like tag?" Shizune nodded "YEAH!" She gestured and he hopped onto her back and with a wave the two were gone in a whirl of leaves. One of the other men walked over, stunned.

"You let your wife chase after another man?"

"Well of course, because I trust her enough to know she'll come back." Iruka looked out at the chaos before him. "And the prize of being a trusting husband is very very rewarding." It would have looked cooler had the blood not been pouring out of his nose but hey, Iruka was a cool guy like that.

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Naruto and Ino turned into an alley way and tried to catch their breath, still holding hands. Ino laughed a little as she realized what she had said. Naruto looked to her and smiled, chuckling as he squeezed her hand, lovingly.

"Oh Naruto-sensei!" They stopped smiling and looked down. Holding both their hands was a flushed, violet eyed genin. They snapped their hands away and the girl came to her senses.

"Ha… Harumi?" Harumi nodded.

"If this is what it takes to be with you sensei then I'll do it! I don't mind sharing!" Ino and Naruto looked at one another with equal disbelief.

"Er, Harumi-chan it doesn't work like that." Naruto was stumped.

"It's okay, I think Ino-sensei is rather pretty too!" Ino blushed melded into her redness brought on by her exertion as the genin focused on her, clasped hands with the older woman and pulled them between her budding bosoms. "I'll do what I must, even if it means being with both of you… Ino-sensei, may I call you… Onee-sama?" Ino's blushed faded as did the rest of her tone as she looked at Naruto's genin with fear. Speaking of Naruto, the man had stumbled to the ground, a small trickle of blood from his nose. Ino noticed.

"You pervert!" Harumi took as a good thing however.

"Oh wonderful day! Now Harumi can try Sensei's horse sized pe-[PUNT]-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!" Another violet eyed genin now stood where Harumi had, her leg extended like a professional football player's. She lowered her leg and looked between them calmly and coolly, before she pointed to the far left corner towards a passageway. Naruto stood up wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"Thank you very much Haru… na." The girls eyes widened and she smiled confused.

"How'd you know it was me, sensei?" Haruna asked. Ino was also a little curious at how he knew. Naruto held up three fingers.

"Well one, Haruka punches Harumi when she gets out of hand, two, Haruka always mentions why Harumi was doing what she was, and you couldn't speak without smiling, I know you too well Haruna-chan." The girl had the decency to blush as she rubbed her neck. "And three, Haruka is too mature to wear pink teddy bear panties at 14." Baa-chan was still working on that TACT thing apparently.

"SENSEI!/NARUTO!" With a double teamed punch Naruto was flat on his back zonked out. Ino pulled Naruto off to the side to slap some sense back into him as the last Haru triplet stepped out of the shadows.

"You shouldn't have done that Runa-chan."

"Done what Ruka-neechan?" Haruna put a finger up to her cheek as she smiled to her calm composed version.

"I know you showed Sensei your panties on purpose. You wanted to see if he would look." Haruna giggled bashfully as she looked to their unconscious Sensei.

"We'll Rumi-chan isn't the only one with a crush on Sensei but I know that Ino-sensei has already won, so I guess… I just wanted to prove I had a chance had I tried." Haruna smiled sadly.

[bonk]

"You're a dumb girl Runa-chan, a sweet but dumb girl." Haruka sighed and looked to her sensei one last time, a small blush on her face. "ja ne… Sensei… Come on Runa-chan, we need to find where Rumi-chan landed."

"Hai! …Ne, Ruka-chan are you blushing? …You ARE! Does that mean that Ruka-neechan loves sensei too?

[SMACK]

"Baka nee-chan." and then the sisters were out of sight. Everything was quite for a moment.

"Are they gone?" Naruto asked still lying on the ground. Ino smirked.

"Yeah, so how did you know she was going to do that?" She asked as he opened his eyes and flipped himself back onto his feet.

"They are still my darling little students after all. I didn't know of a way to let them down easily so better they hit me. It usually makes baa-chan happy I figured it might work." He rolled his shoulders to ease the tension found there.

"On the plus side you got to perv on a 14 year old's panties." Naruto's angry face made her giggle until he spoke, pouting.

"I didn't see what's so great about it, It didn't do anything for me. I mean if they had been white lace ones like Ino-hime has on I might have-!"

[SMACK!]

"When did you see my panties you hentai?"

"I'm getting a good view now." Earning a foot to the face.

[STOMP]

"Will you quit perving and get up, we have to make it to my apartment before they block the path." Naruto wisely refrained from mentioning it was SHE who had knocked him down in the first place. Maybe there was some hope after all, eh Baa-chan?

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They had dodged many 'hunters' (Read: Horny desperate sluts -Ino), some more skilled and persistent than others but the end of the journey was in sight. Only one hurdle remained, a large open bit of street that her apartment was located on. So secure in the fact they had made it so far unopposed they went for it. It was no surprise as the moment they broke cover they were intercepted, but what was surprising was whom caught them.

"AHA!" Tsunade landed and struck out at the street below them, a wave of concrete rose up splitting the pair as they dove to either side. So sudden the attack both were thrown off balance and to Naruto's horror a good chunk of street hit Ino.

"HIME!" Tsunade pounced, grabbing the man. "Baa-chan? What are you doing? She's HURT! Get off me! HIME! Baa-chan... why are even here?" He growled out to the older blonde.

"With all those women after you, if I let them have their way." She blushed giggling. "All those beautiful grand-babies. So I'm going to march you straight to 'em! I want Naruto babies to spoil!" Naruto loved the fact she wanted to see his children one day but… He looked over to Ino's shaken form as she tried to sit up, blood pouring from her forehead. His heart caught in his throat and he pulled his fist back. Tsunade's eyes widened in shock as Nartuo reared to attack his Hokage and Grandmother. To be honest it scared both of them by what it meant. However, thankfully, a voice broke over them; stopping everything.

"Konoha Hiden Taijutsu Ougi: Mago Gyakujou Keiichi Kou!" And Tsunade ended up with a giggling bouncing three year old in her lap. And like any grandmother promptly went to pieces.

A new hand grabbed Naruto's and began running with him.

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A cooling sensation filtered through her head and Ino's vision cleared. Realizing Naruto was gone, taken, her heart plummeted. Ino at once pulled herself up, looking at the person before her who helped her with alarm and fear.

"You." The one woman she truly feared she could loose him to.

"Me." Shizune remarked with a knowing smirk.

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"Where is he, Shizune-san. I know you're a Kage Bushin." The clone nodded. She, Ino, and a highly distracted Tsunade/keiichi duo walked along a path leading to who knows where.

"Somewhere safe, don't worry he's in _good_ hands." The Clone cheekily replied. She giggled when Ino growled at the innuendo.

"That's what I am afraid of." The clone laughed. "And for shame! Your a married woman!"

"Iruka-kun knows where I am, and what I'm doing. He doesn't mind." Ino gaped, her argument out was blocked. A icy hand grabbed her heart and squeezed, she felt dizzy.

"But... but."

"Ino, I love my husband, and I love my son." The clone looked a little shyly away for a moment before her eyes cut back over to the stunned younger woman. "But I love Naruto too."

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"You're being very naughty, Shi-chan." Naruto remarked as they sat together, Shizune's back against him as she held his hands against her belly.

"I know, but Iruka-kun let me out for a bit and I wanted to spend time with my other boy." Naruto laughed.

"Lucky me." He nuzzled his head against her. "And lucky Iruka, he's in for a treat isn't he?"

"Mmmhm." She nodded then laid back against him, letting his scent invade her senses. "But I don't want to think about him right now, okay." She whispered softly, biting her lip as his eyes trained on hers.

"...Okay."

1010101010

This is/was a fun one to write. And I blame Ken Akamatsu for the love/battle sequences. I'll be returning to a little more seriousness after this chase scenes end in Chapter 11. I'm a little embarrassed by how... cliche this one felt as it spewed out of my head. And the next chapter will still have more of it... *Shakes his head in embarrassment.* But The start will be... hehehe. Interesting. As it's actually the back half of this chapter originally the Shizune cliffhanger just jutted out at me.

Note: This was done 90% in the Fanfiction dot net word processor over three different computers so if there is any issues let me know and I will try to fix asap. But bare with me, my brand new laptop has a corrupted hard drive so updates, no matter how much I want to write, will be sporadic until I have my computer back and the freedom to write something more... my style. As in less fluff and more sauce. And let me tell you Chapter 12 has it aplenty. I just need a chance to write it. Work and family computers are not M safe.

{Haruka's helpful Hints}

"Onee-sama" What my idiot Sister was mentioning is a idiom used to describe the dominant partner in a same sex, female, couple, a 'Big Sister'.

"Konoha Hiden Taijutsu Ougi: Mago Gyakujou Keiichi Kou!" Roughly translated it means Konoha's hidden martial art technique: Grandchild Destraction Keiichi Version. I think it easily is understandable.

Until next time, this is Futowari Haruka.

Next Chapter: YOURS! or The Hunt for the Stud October: Conclusion!


	11. YOURS!

"I've... I've..." Ino stumbled a little, holding onto the side of a building for support as her stomach churned. Distorted by her mind's rampant thoughts the world around her spun, nothing felt right all of a sudden. Shizune, the real one, was with HIM, the one she was quickly realizing meant THAT much to her, and Ino knew that Naruto loved Shizune back too. _'lost?'_ Tears, painful hot stabbed through the haze running down her cheeks, almost a godsend in this numbness she had found herself enveloped in. A fist impacted with enough force to drive the numbness back and she looked to the clone with untold hatred as her tears poured forth still but with different reason. "itai."

"Hardly." Shizune remarked, the reply seemed two fold as if she had known what the younger girl was thinking. She also seemed a little put off by Ino's sudden bout of emotional instability. "I actually wanted to thank you."

"Why?" Before she was answered Ino was enveloped into a hug that made her squeak with the force of it. Okay she was all sorts of confused and the last girl to grab her wanted her to be her 'Onee-sama' so this was starting to creep the hell out of her.

"You brought him back, Ino. You brought my Naruto back."

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Fakers!  
Chapter Eleven: YOURS!  
By  
Hibiki

"Where am I? Where is anyone, really? Some might say, The rights are in the Box.. with... fuck it that sucked as a joke i don't own anything people but my ocs and the freaking plot." -Hibiki

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"You know you've smiled more this last month than I have seen you smile in years, sweetheart?" Shizune moaned out as Naruto's right thumb stroked against her belly with a loving touch that sent waves of pleasure through her body, his strong chest supported her head as she laid her cheek against him. His heartbeat lulled her to rest against him as his other hand ran down her hair and over the skin behind her exposed ear and neck.

"I smile all the time, Shi-chan." He said, and she heard the laughter in his voice as her head followed his hand as he ran his thumb along her cheek.

"S'not what I meant." Her hands skimmed across his arm and leg with a sensuous feather touch. "Ino has made you smile in a way I haven't seen since..." She trailed off.

"You can say it." His hand cupped the scar on her belly, a reminder of his failed promise. "Since my Hotaru passed away."

"I use to not be able to Naruto. You would pull away from us, you'd smile, and laugh, but those of us who loved you watched as you'd cry inside, and it made us so sad, that we couldn't bring you out of it." Her hands gripped him. "Every time we tried you pulled further away, so I.. we waited, for you to come back to us. "

"I'm so sorry Shizune." She shook a little.

"You haven't called Shizune that since that night. Remember it, sweatheart? It was right here."

"How could I forget."

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Three and a half years ago:

Her anger, her tears, her pain. It was all he could see as she raged.

"I don't care if you think I am ugly, if you hate me for being fat and can't stand the sight of me do not miss out on your daughter's life because I am there! Don't hurt Iruka's feelings by running away when I draw near! He loves you! We love you! I'll go away if you want to see them." It hurt her terribly, in fact the man before had cut her down so brutally it was taking her entire nerve to remain there as he stood facing away from her unwilling to even look as her as she spilled her heart. But she refused to let Naruto hurt all of them because he couldn't stand her. "I'm... I'm sorry I disgust you, I'll leave you alone..." The words choked up in her throat as she forced them out. "G-goodbye Naruto." She turned only to find a hand had grabbed her's. Expecting anger, hatred even, she was not prepared to find a broken figure looking like he had been crying for hours.

"I... I could never hate you, Shizune. Never, EVER." His head shook with the vehemence of his words, so hard tears flew from his face. "I just...C-can't!"

"WHY? IF YOU DON'T HATE ME, THEN WHY? Why are you hurting me SO MUCH?" She screamed her vision blurred as fresh tears began flowing, and she slipped as she started for him. Into his arms as he caught her. If he hated her he wouldn't have caught her, god he was driving her mad! She banged her fists against his chest, begging him to answer her. Once again his response stunned her.

"I love you." She froze, not of his words, but the force in which he had said them. He had left her breathless, hands frozen against his heaving chest as he forced the words from his unwilling self. "I... I love you, and I shouldn't! I'm not fit to be around Hotaru or Iruka, and definitely not you. I'm a freak."

"Why would you even think of yourself as-"

"You're beautiful." Her heart raced as her cheeks flushed from his words. "You're probably the most beautiful person I have ever seen, and every time you smile when you feel your baby I find you more attractive. You're not fat, it's wonderful, you're wonderful. So wonderful someone so unnatural shouldn't even look upon you. I'm a horrible person."

"You're n-not!"

"I'm in love with the wife of one of the men I admire most, a woman who... who I greatly respect yet... A woman whose body is driving me insane just by being this close to me." Shizune's eyes widened as he spoke with such loathing at himself and such... oh god how long had he been holding this in?

"How... how long?"

"Since I pushed you into dating Iruka." Two years?

"Why did you not say anything?"

"Iruka liked you, you liked Iruka, I was just some brat that hung around you both, I wanted you happy. He makes you happy right?"

"He does." She said without hesitation, and it was true.

"Then I am happy." He smiled, but it didn't reach those beautiful eyes of his.

"No your not Naruto." He shook his head as tears began tracking down his face. "Tell me, please! I want to make you happy too."

"I'm not worth it." He was looking away again but stubbornly she grabbed him and she forced his eyes onto hers.

"Tell me what you want." His eyes closed, he took a deep breath, then opened them with such focus and intensity upon her she couldn't help but shiver, not in fear but in something she had thought only Iruka could cause.

"You." His whisper, so strong but pain filled was the moment she started loving him.

"I'm fat." She to this day wondered why she had not said married.

"Your beautiful." He insisted... and then began to explain why in such ways she couldn't help but blush in amazement. The way he talked about her, it was hard not to want to be loved by him. It was then she found his weakness.

"You think my belly is... sexy?" Even Iruka couldn't find it attractive all the time and here this man said:

"It's the most attractive thing I have ever seen. I know it's bizarre, I'm sorry but I think it's... arousing."

"Really?" He nodded, beyond humiliated. Pregnant women, as amazing and beautiful as they were, are classically known for extreme mood swings, and one hit the mother to be that would change their relationship forever. Her hand grabbed his and before he knew it it had slipped up under her shirt and against her swelling belly, just left of her navel. "So this makes you want me?" She asked as his hand twitched, but to her surprise he didn't move it away as she slide it around, her body tingling with pleasure as she found out just how arousing it was.

"Ye-yesss." He hissed his mind and body fighting. She moved up against him, her own mind thinking she had lost it, but without a shred of guilt pushed herself against his body feeling his arousal. She groaned at the firm, hard, length as it throbbed against her core. Something about his weakness to her body was intoxicating her to him as she placed his other hand in with it's brother on her stomach and let go. As she thought, he couldn't resist keeping his hands from her, and the power that gave her made something inside snap. She cried out, head back and her heavy, full, breasts bouncing deliciously hard, sending further sparks to her fire as her hips moved frantically against his. Her shaking arms held onto the bench he had been thrust against, as she road the crest of her orgasm. "Oh god, I love you Shi-chan!" Hearing his voice groan out as he rubbed himself against her, lost in the urges that had caught her made her lust stronger than ever and she couldn't resist pressing herself against his form again. All too soon she found that crest smashing against her again as she furiously rubbed against his discharging member. Two grown and fully clothes people, one of them pregnant and married, dry (Though Shizune would tell you nothing was dry about it) humping one another in some hidden little nook of the city, while utterly embarrassing neither truly felt sorry for doing it either. Once they had calmed themselves, allowed Shizune to stretch against him as he rubbed her tummy, the two almost lovers talked long into the night.

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"He and I were very close afterward, but there was never another incident like that again. I'm very sad to say." Ino, though blushing up a storm at the older woman's tale, assumed it was because of the clone jutsu, but had found most Kage Bushin's to be a little more outgoing or carefree than their creators. She, having been in the continued presence of a master of the jutsu, guessed it seemed like since the clones knew their precious moments of life were fragile always seemed a bit more... over the top. It seemed the clone Shizune was no exception. "Iruka knows about it, hell we have a real nice time recreating it from time to time, yet he has never gotten upset with me or Naruto for that moment of weakness. It just made me love him so much more for it." The clones eyes saddened. "When she died, the Naruto everyone knew and loved pulled away. Sure he still smiled and laughed, he carried on like it didn't matter it was obvious to me, that my Naruto was in such pain but he refused to let others share it, he didn't want people to know that he could be brought down. So many looked up to him, thinking he, the savior of the Shinobi world was beyond things like the loss of a single person that he just locked it up and kept going."

"I never noticed, and it worries me how I didn't see it." Until that moment in the club, that moment when he just snapped at her and the whole world changed she would never had thought that super strong idiot had anything more to his personality than what he showed. He had fooled almost the whole world with it.

"You never were suppose to Ino, he was going to carry that to his grave, alone. You slipped him up, and I cannot thank you enough. Because until then there is only one day when he would have let it out, and Iruka, Tsunade, Gaara and I have tried to be there for him. Because despite how strong he might be, there are moments when I know he thinks about going to the only girl who loved him unconditionally." The thought, the fear that was coupled with it that filtered though Shizune's voice just didn't seem to fit her picture of the man she had fallen for. "That first anniversary, I was still recovering from the attack and pregnancy, Iruka had his hands full with me and Keiichi, and Tsunade and Gaara had their own villages to worry about, he was left alone, all day. I was so worried I had Iruka take me to his apartment. When he returned home he wasn't the same as he was when he left, I don't know what happened but I know he made a pact, a promise. Every year since we have gone with him and he remakes that promise."

"That no other little girl would be hurt like his had." Ino said sadly and Shizune's eyes widened at hearing her say it. "Early in our... relationship, he and my dad had it out. My father almost killed him." Shizune looked highly alarmed. "I moved into the way and my dad stopped. After we explained Naruto was being his stupid noble self and tried to say I was better off without him. My father told him that I cared enough for him to save him from death and you should have seen his eyes. I thought I was either going to make him take me there in front of my father or cry from how much worry and fear he was showing for me. He yelled at my father until he was horse." Ino closed her eyes as she fought off the pain remembering how that strong man had broken. "After Daddy left I complained about my father and Naruto defended him. It was then Naruto began explaining what had started all this... that is my and his supposed relationship." She ignored the two other women and their stunned staring to continue. "How many had suffered because of him, utter lies. How much he loves YOU and how he had failed you. It was then, when I thought it was over... he told me about her." The other ladies were quiet, remembering their lost granddaughter and niece. "To be honest, I think I fell in love with him then."

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"She's a real special woman, Naruto."

"She can do better."

"She doesn't _want_ better. She wants _you_." She knew it was coming but it stung all the same.

"I... I want her too. But I can't. I can't loose or hurt her too. I'm not as strong as Tsunade and the village thinks. I don't think I can go on if something were to happen to her, Shi-chan. Hell if something happened to you, Iruka, or Keiichi... I don't think I would want to go on."

"You could."

"I'd wouldn't want to. I love you all too much to want to." Shizune's eyes filled with tears and before she knew it her mouth was on his, kissing him with all she was worth. Desperate, hard, and wanting, just like she had wished too all those years ago. When they broke apart, tears were in his eyes too. "I love you Shi-chan."

"I love you too you fool." She hugged him. "I wish I was her for five minutes, I could do all that I want to without any regrets."

"Just five minutes Shi-chan? I do feel rather upset you think I would only last so long. You may be a beautiful woman but I'd hope my stamina was better than that, for both of our sakes." She laughed, kissed him again, this time soft and long, her hands in his hair as his roamed her back. She arches into his touch, moaning lewdly as her body heated up.

"If you keep this up I'll never be able to let her have you. I'll have to take you and force Iruka to deal with the fact I love and want you too." She realized they were in that same position they had been that moment she had fallen for him. She put grabbed the bench back on either side of his head as she slid herself back against him, loving the fact that he still found her desirable. Her back arched and her head rolled back as that spike of pleasure rubbed against her aching center as he watched her in awe. Her hands moved from their station only long enough to pull his hands under her shirt over her stomach and onto her breasts. "I'm yours for ten more minutes, my love. Let's make the best of it."

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Ino had been pushed down a path by Shizune's clone before the clone had dispelled warning her mistress of the approaching Yamanaka. Fear gripped her heart as she feared what she would find at the end of the leaf covered trail. Would she find the man she loved and the woman he had loved for years in the throes of passion? A shadow moved towards her making her pause. Shizune, the real one, appeared before her with a sad smile on her face.

"You are one lucky girl, you know that Ino?" Ino nodded, though her mind was racing. "I want you to do something for me okay? Promise me." Ino realized how desperate the other woman sounded and understood what Shizune was doing. Peace, for the first time she had felt in the presence of the woman before her since she had learned of the Shizune's and Naruto's relationship and it made the words she uttered a hundred times stronger than she felt capable.

"I promise." Shizune smiled a little brighter but it remained just as sad as it was moments before.

"You take that man, and you love him with all you have. Love him more than I'll ever be able to. Don't you DARE let him go. because if you stop, even for a moment, a even for a second I promise you, I won't be able to stop myself from taking him away. And that's a promise for a lifetime." With that, and in more dignity than Ino could ever hope to have in the same situation, Shizune headed to her master and her son leaving Ino only one path left to take.

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He looked a little guilty. From what she was sure, from Shizune's remarks, was a goodbye that the two would remember for a long time. Yet for some reason, it didn't bother her. Because HER man was waiting for her. She held her hand out for him, like he had at the start of this. She could forgive him easily.

"Naruto-baka. Let's go." He took her hand, it's warmth in her hand made all the fears and worries just fade for a moment leaving her smiling at him as he slowly smiled realizing she wasn't upset with him.

"Anywhere Hime. Gladly." Had this been a fluffy romantic fic the chapter would have ended there. Sadly for the couple this was a humorous romantic fic.

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"AW COME ON!" Ino screamed in frustration. She was tired of running, tired of being dragged in the dirt, tired of the emotional roller coaster the day had been, and insanely angry at her man's lothario (Even if it wasn't his fault) actions pulling her into this mess to begin with. Running down the main strip from what seemed like the entire horde of desperate horny sluts the Yamanaka could run no farther. "Naruto, I can't take anymore of this. If you can make them stop, I don't care how, I'll worship you forever." Before she even finished Naruto had turned around the most serious she had ever seen him it actually made a few of the women falter a little.

"Tajiu Orioke no jutsu! Ero-onna kou!" A pall of smoke enveloped the charging horde. What appeared from it would be written in many diaries, and spoken in awed whispers over the corners of cities across the world by women everywhere. A hundred barely modest, Naruto's stood. Oiled, thonged and eager to please they latched onto breasted masses with the force unheard of. The advance faltered then broke as sighs and moans erupted as the Aikage showed why he was the leader of Tanoshimigakure. Ino, her face redder than Hinata… speaking of which…

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Back at the 'starting line'.

Oi, Hinata-chan." [Poke Poke.] Kiba was amazed at sizable pool of red around her as he prodded her with a stick.

"She must be dead." Shino deadpanned. "No human body could release that much blood and still sustain itself."

They were proven wrong when she began writhing and moaning.

"mmmm Naruto-kun, it's so warm and big….it'll never fit hehehehehe" She rolled over. "Try anyway… mmmm"

[splurt]

"AHH! Her nose! Blood! Hinata snap out of it! Shino she won't stop, find help! Look at all the blood! HINATA!"

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Anyway Ino, red as she possibly could from the sounds and sights, had only one thing to say as she stood amazed at the 'killing field'.

"Foot rubs? Massages! How come I never got any?" Ino pouted as crocodile tears pooled at the sides of her eyes when she looked to the original. He blushed and looked ahead, embarrassed by his jutsu and her words.

"Hime, if we get home alive, I will massage anything you want me to." Ino's jealousy evaporated in an instant as she heard him unwittingly utter the word home. A smile rose to her face and she slid closer to him.

"I'll very much take that offer, Naruto-baka, when we're.. home." He took her hand, gave a squeeze then looked at his surroundings.

"Right! So let's get going. I think we should go right. Yeah, let's go this way, should be an alley over there." Ino smiled wrapping her arm around his and slid close. He had lead her on a wild tour of Konoha in the dark, where they had been attacked, hit on, molested, and saved countless times. But she wouldn't give it up for anything because of the word he had just mentioned.

And she just couldn't resist loving him all the more for resisting all those _other_ women.

"Why didn't you use that at the start, baka?"

"I didn't want to upset you." Like watching him being enveloped in hordes of women wanting what was rightfully **hers** wasn't upsetting? Like him doing who knows what with a woman she couldn't compete with **wasn't** upsetting?

Idiot.

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And Ino admits it. But we all know Naruto is the hard headed one in this relationship. And Shizune gets a little Naruto lovin (I'll leave how much up to your imaginations) though don't expect her to not be huggy touchy feely with him just because she's given Ino her blessings. More serious than Yamaguchi and a few other OCs popping up in the running battle scenes but still finished up this arc of the story better than I would originally thought and though a more mature and serious note it took care of a few chapters later on I was hesitant to do. Now for some saucy fun! As my computer has a new and larger hard drive than before.

Next Chapter: Tension


	12. Tension

He, Fukyuu Kaori, had been captured by the leaf bastards, all because he had forgotten it was close to their Chunin exams so security would be high. As a C-class Ame nuke-nin, the man didn't have much to offer them so he doubted his torture was going to be all that intensive before his death and subsequent bounty collected. He was led into a room where a ditzy but sexy little blonde was sitting and promptly strapped into the chair and the two left alone. That had to been almost an hour ago as she remained lost in her thoughts and like his name the man's attitude forced his brutish mouth open.

"If your technique is to bore me to death then it's working, but I gotta tell you your torture sucks." That woke her up and she looked to him with slinky blue eyes that would drive any man wild.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I had a long night with my boyfriend and I'm a little wound up still." The enemy nin eyed her figure, she had big tits, a slim waist and a tight little ass. Not bad at ALL.

"Heh lucky guy." Why not flirt, if she liked it she may go easy on him. If he fucked up he was dead anyway, big deal. To her surprise she shook her head.

"I'm a lucky girl. My boyfriend's the Stud of Konoha." His eyes widened as he realized he just ogled blatantly the XXX's girl, oh crap the things he does to men who disrespect women was legendary. "The things that man can do with just his hands." Her eyes hazed over as she remembered the pleasure. Her body moved sexily and the man's eyes followed it with a hungry stare, hey it had been a while since his last taste being on the run as it was, and this hot little number, no matter how deadly, was giving him one hell of a show. "All night long he tortured my body, bringing me up and teasing me with that pleasure before letting me moan as it fell, running his hands over every inch of my body… He worshiped me until I couldn't THINK straight!" She wiggled, running her hands over her body as if it was her man's, rubbing her legs together as she bit her lip. The man's eyes widened at the power the man had on this woman, it seemed his bingo book had been right, what a man. "He cared less for his own pleasure and just wanted to please me, oh god it makes me wild just thinking about it!" She wiggled her hips against the chair she sat in across from him just making him move his hips a little as well. God he was getting turned on, damn restraints. "And just when I couldn't take him teasing me any further, when he had me broken and has me begging for him inside me…" The enemy nin moved closer, wanting to hear more from the hot blond interrogator.

[SLAM!] And promptly almost lost his solider as the bitch slammed a kunai so close to his thing that the knife cut his pants seam with enough force to drive the blade to it's widest in a metal chair. Promptly soiling himself the man looked to see a face that promised untold pain.

"I start my period!" She growled out. "And then I'm forced in here, dealing with you! **I. AM NOT. HAPPY.** If I am denied his then I sure as hell am going to deny you yours!" The man's junk couldn't shrink fast enough at the threat as the kunai gouged a long jagged furrow in the metal chair with the power only a P.M. woman could evoke. (AN: Ladies I feel you, you have my untold respect don't snap me in two) The blade moved forward till it threatened to halve the family fortune. "If you don't tell me what I want RIGHT NOW I'm going to shave your $!T off centimeter by centimeter and force you to eat it!" And then she those beautiful lips moved up and began whispering an added threat.

"!" The entire T&I department froze and looked to Anko, who blushed at the attention then fanned herself as she watched a girl who showed… promise. Ibiki blinked as the man began blabbing about everything he knew while he, the unmovable tight lipped Ibiki Morino, moved his hands away from his own family pair and returned to being his stoic self as Ino wrote in a notebook provided for each interrogation… About a kid the man had taken candy from when he was a teenager.

"More notebooks for room 14." He commanded and his staff snapped into action. It was going to be almost too much information, then scoffed himself. Any information is power, and they would be getting the inside scoop of Ame's nin training and lifestyles. And then Yamanaka-san was getting time off for her 'valuable' service… Well away from his 'valuable' parts. How long did a woman menstruate again? More power would be required to master this. Eying the only other female interrogator he quickly decided safety was the better part of valor and would give her a week off just to be safe. Because Anko was batshit crazy and would either kill him or try and sex him. And he was still uncertain which would be less painful.

That was one area he would rather remain powerless.

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Fakers!

Chapter Twelve: Tensions

By

Hibiki

"And so the author said. 'If this is my plot, then where did I put Kishimoto's rights?' They're shoved up the other man's rectum." -Hibiki

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"How far do you think they got?" Tsunade remarked as she waved a hand in front of his face for the untold time. The scribbles and giggles at his cheek were probably Keiichi drawing on his favorite blonde coloring book.

"I'm surprised, Tsunade, I would have thought you have said how many times, first." Shizune gibed as she ran a hand through his hair lovingly.

"I'm sober enough to know he's too much a damn gentleman for my taste, I want Naruto grandbabies dammit." The older woman poked his forehead roughly, was there anything that woman did delicately? His gaze remained unfocused as his mind was slid back at last night's passion with Ino, as it had the last twenty minutes, and the twenty minutes before that... It had started off so innocently too.

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"FINALLY!" Ino cried as she opened the room into their small apartment. Her heels, long since fallen apart in hand as she waited for Naruto to remove his boots. Pulling him to the bathroom she all but ordered him to get clean as she readied for her own shower and a small snack. She left a pair of sleep pants for him on the counter, rather hating the fact her tub hid all the nice naughty parts on him, even if he took a shower like he was. With some care she readied her nightwear based on what she had seen… and felt, she flushed, what he liked on her. She had finished the small meal

"Done, Hime. I left plenty of hot water for you." He paused as he slid past, looking at her and to her shock pulled her hair pin from her left temple. She sputtered for a moment before a broad hand pulled it back, collecting the accumulation hair plus the smattering of fallen locks that had been pulled in front of her eyes over their adventure. With a deft twist the hair was back into position and redone the lavender clasp. "Perfect." He smiled then continued on rubbing his hair absently in one of her beach sized towels he had bought for her as she watched him. She bathed, taking time to scrub herself down and make sure everything was perfect she slipped on her 'outfit' and strode into the room.

"Um, Hime." She gave a small kiss, silencing him. Pulling him along she brought him into the bedroom and let the towel drop from her form allowing him to view her for the first time virtually in all her splendor. Her body warmed under his gaze and she had to turn away before she mashed herself against him. He was going to worship her body, and she wanted him to beg her for it before the end. Laying onto the towel, her ass the last thing down as to draw his eyes to her tiny little lace scrap someone had dared called panties.

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"Start on my back, and we'll go from there." She huskily called out as she watched his eyes follow the not so hidden curves of her breasts as they mashed onto the towel below her. Her bare back from the nape of her neck to the top of the skimpiest panties he had ever seen begged for him to run his hands over, and with such an invitation he could do nothing but accept.

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"Right." And then the most awesome four hours of Ino's life to date began. True to form the moment his hands began their opulent torture her body reacted to his touch in a manner that made her nipples push against the towel and bed like little stakes that kept her pinned in place as his hands stroked her body. Moans, sighs and whimpers flowed from her mouth as he worked her body with the grace of a master (A hundred Kage Bushins massaging anyone for just ten minutes equaled more than three days straight massaging added to whatever Shizune had him do over the years he found himself quite competent in the regards to a woman's pleasure brought on by his hands and palms.) So hard was she being worked on and that pleasure pressed upon her that sweat began to slide across her now glistening form. His hands began moving off her back and onto her arms, followed by her legs, and the sweat, normally something she hated only seemed to inflame his interest of her skin and pleasure as those yearning hands grew more and more daring. Her soaked, both in sweat and her arousal, panties offered no resistance as his fingers slide over and past them massaging her thighs and rear that made her cry out, her voice caught and she rolled her hips against his hands for more but every time she did he would slide away from that fire he stroked with every movement of his hand. She shivered in desire, her body beyond ready for him, but it seemed as if he was waiting for her to beg. God he had her in a writhing mass, and he was still teasing her.

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Her hands wrapped around his neck, finding him panting and a little sweaty himself, mashed her breasts against him and kissed him, her tongue forcing past his barriers as she ground against his form, a hand of hers slid down, pulling his pants down and he gasped as her small hand wrapped around him. His hands found her breasts and with groaned as her grip on him tightened. He couldn't help but moan in time with her as she groaned in time of his stroking hands. Soon the pleasure was all she could feel other than his hard length in her hands. His nimble fingers soon trailed a path of excitement down her rose studded peaks over her belly to rest just above her panties. His breath came in deep gasps as she sped up her stroking of him trying to tell him physically to move those worthless things aside and just take her! Still he refused running his hands over her again before he grabbed her and pulled her till he was above her.

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"Oh god, Naruto, baby please?" She was pleading and his hands stayed firm against her hips. She was about to go mad from need and he was sitting there all hard and ready and she couldn't even reach him! "I can't… I can't." His words next caught her off guard.

"Hime, your bleeding." She stopped short, her high fading as she shakily looked for some sort of wound upon her body before a embarrassed cough interrupted. "Um. I can smell it. It's uh." His eyes dropped past her sweat glistened form to her still covered center. The only part of her he hadn't touched. "There." She gave him another searing kiss then slid off the bed and to the apartment's small bathroom. A click of the light showed her condition to her normal senses.

And to her utter dismay, he was right as a few drops of crimson appeared moments later. Thinking about the day of the month, then counting back, Ino realized her body had stayed true to it's normal pattern and did so at the absolute worst time. Taking certain precautions as not to stain the bed she returned to him, her mood ruined. Cursing her body and it's functions, she merely slid into bed curled up into his waiting arms as they talked into the mornings first light.

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He blushed as he remembered how close they had gotten. How much her body excited him and how much he was wanted to consent to her pleading and take her. Damn his nose, and not for the first time that day. What time was it anyway? Oh crap it was getting late and he promised to give the girls their slips. Having long since been left to his own devices hours ago by Shizune and Tsunade he had no issues taking the rest of the day off. Grabbing his coat he made for the door when he noticed something.

Why was everyone pointing and whispering again? Oh no had the rumor's changed? Any further and he would just give up and marry Ino and be done with it. Now they were laughing, okay this is disconcerting and he ducked into the restroom to dodge any more looks and take care of some personal affairs. As he finished his business he made to wash his hands when his reflection caught his eye.

He looked like a mustached blackened eyed pirate with a fascination of childish flower tattoos.

"KEIICHI!" He roared and reached for the soap. He hoped this stuff washed out.

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Thankfully it did or the laughter he would have caused the generous female figure before him would have had him in the hospital with blood loss. As it was his nose itched as she smiled up to him, her violet eyes smiling with warmth as Futowari Haruko, mother of Haruka, Haruna, and Harumi opened the door to their house.

"Naruto-san, konbanwa. Would you like to step in? The girls aren't in but I'm sure they are on their way home soon, they're out asking Moegi and Kurenari-san about the exams." Naruto smiled proudly at his girls for asking advise about something. Though all Chunin's and above were obligated to keep the basic ideas of the test quiet, they could always give hints. It was something he wish he had known when he took it the first time. God he was such an idiot back then.

"Thank you for the offer, Haruko-chan…" His casual inclination for that honorific, from his time as the village pariah (Aka anyone nice was instantly a -chan or -kun), was going to get him murdered one day, as the lovely widow blushed rather prettily. If his girls got just half as pretty as their mother (Though he had a feeling those girls were going to leave mom behind) the men would be lined out the compound to be with them. "…But I can only stop by today to drop the girl's exam slips off." He resisted cringing when the small twinge of disappointment filtered through those dazzling eyes of hers. "I'll try and stop by before the exams though, and answer any questions you have about the tests and how dangerous it might be." She smiled, nodding at his kindness and made a little more small talk before the two went their separate ways. As he walked out of the compound he sighed.

"Those eyes get me every time. Damn Futowari women and their peepers."

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She was home when he arrived and laying in her favorite plushy chair, poor girl looked ready to keel over. Ah So they HAD hit her. Poor Hime.

"Tadaima." He kissed her forehead, noticing she felt a little clammy and was glad he had stopped by the store on his way home.

"…Oka…eri" She mumbled. The physical exertion, while good in moderation for cramping, from last night's fiasco and their almost but god dammed not quite, lovemaking was doing a number on her, just as he was afraid it would. Having helped Iruka when Keiichi was just born he was subject to Shizune's first cycle since pregnancy (Which they had been worried about her even still having the ability given where Sasuke's sword had hit her) and had learned a lot more than the book Tsunade had hesitantly given him when he had asked for Hotaru's sake. He paused as he laid the items for dinner on the counter as he thought of his daughter. When he had gotten the book, ignoring the looks of pity his 'grandmother' had given him, he hoped and dreaded all the same that one day he would have to give her 'the talk'. Despite everything the doctors had said he had never given up hope that something might change for the better. It's probably why her loss had hurt him so much, but neither Uzumaki had given up until the very end and he was so proud of her for it. As he picked up a cherry tomato to slice just like Hotaru liked them, he wondered if Ino would like them like that too. Cherry tomatoes were his girls favorite food, he had found out talking to Ino, and when he had made lunches for his little girl on her birthdays and holidays he always prepared them her favorite way. He spent a lot of time at home as he tried to make them the best for her every time. "You okay?" Ino asked catching him unaware. She was leaning against the counter that separated the kitchen compartment from the rest of the house as she saw him wipe a tear away.

"Sorry, I remembered that these were her favorite too is all. You know, you and her had a lot in common, I have no doubt you two would have loved one another." Sad as he was, true, for the first time since he could remember he truly was happy about talking about his daughter, about her likes and interests. He smiled, so content the woman before him couldn't help but smile in return. "You relax tonight, love. I'll make dinner, okay? I hope you don't mind, it was one of her favorite dishes and it's about all I know to make so I hope you'll like it." Ino nodded, already knowing it would be wonderful as he had loved that girl so much no dish would be less than perfection for her. She slid closer, held him a moment, before she let him get back to cooking. He worked softly, a soft hum filled the air as she watched. About half way done he paused and smiled to her. "I also got you pudding, and if you're a good girl and eat all of this I'll let you have it, okay?" Her eyes went alight as seeing the round shape appear out of the bag in his hand.

So out of it was she and so distracted was he, neither one noticed that small slip of his tongue.

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She would propose, she decided. He was just too wonderful to let go and damned of she was going to loose this to some other woman. First he got all her favorite things, treated her to his beloved daughter's favorite meal, to which she kept asking for more, as true to her expectations, was delicious, and now he was doing _this._ His hands had so wonderfully cupped her hips and lower abdomen with a pulsing blanket of heat that soothed some of the spikes of pain she was feeling. On top of the relief was the fact he even wished to touch her at her most bloated and fat and disgusting was amazing to her. Had she not felt like death warmed over finishing the night before would have been paramount in her head. It was pure comfort he was giving her and she was lapping it up, enjoying his overwhelming care of her.

"I can't believe you even want to touch me, I'm all bloated and fat. And cranky." She rather… crankily mumbled out. "I probably look horrible." He made an exaggerated glance over her making humorous 'hmm' noises as he eyed more… intimate places.

"Nope." He said finally. "Still my wonderful Hime." Another cramp caught her off guard making her wince and before she could ask his hands had once again wrapped around her.

"I'm going to marry you." She mumbled as she relaxed against him. "Your perfect."

"I'm not."

"You are, marry you."

"That's the cramps talking. Wait till you feel better I'll bet you'll feel differently."

"Nuh-uh." Needless to say for such an adult topic the childish argument lasted until they fell sleep against each other a few minutes later.

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LONG WINDED AN AHEAD!

Now I'm not saying they couldn't have done it, but frankly a couple still learning the boundaries, especially these two with their overly odd quirks and wounds, something like her having her monthlies can change something profound in a relationship. Wake a man up to the fact he is dating something other than a nice pair of breasts or a sweet piece of tail to someone who could quite possibly be the mother of his children is one hell of an eye opener. That can break or make a relationship, and I'm not just talking about the male side either. Some women not ready for that step realize that the man understands what that red flow means and they are gone. My third girlfriend was like that, which is sad because I rather liked her. Love isn't just about accepting someone because they make you feel good and you want them happy, it's about accepting everything that person is, even that which you can't change or find a little unsettling or nauseating. (I have hemophobia from a major accident I had as a child so those times I deal with it for their sake means a hell of a lot.)

Having gone through my friends pregnancies, and their monthly ups and downs I've found that if they let you, putting your hands there, like Naruto had, above their ovaries tends to sooth awoman's aches and cramps for a while, before they get too hot or uncomfortable, or if they really like it you need to use the rest room -_- because you haven't moved all day. It can be rather intimate, so it's best to know if they are willing to let you grasp them like that. It's a home remedy my mum told me when I said my girlfriend at the time was not feeling well because of her heavier than normal cycle. I still use it with my best friend so when she is dating someone they tend to get a little upset when she goes to me when she feels crappy claiming that the man sucked at comforting her because his hands are cold and tiny compared to mine. Heh.

This Naruto is so much like me (thought and actions wise) it's silly but I guess it's why I can just throw my thoughts on his and see where I want him to head and that last argument was one taken from real life.

I took a creative license in making Hotaru's favorite food being the same as Ino's, it helps frankly develop that Ino and Hotaru could have easily been mother and daughter had she lived. It's so easy to over romanticize a child brought into a relationship just meshing perfectly like they had always been together but this Ino, the Ino from Fakers!, is radically different woman from her younger Kishimoto counterpart, whom Hotaru probably would not accept that well. It's hard to imagine what five years of peace (three after Sasuke's attack) would do to the elemental nations, and on the shinobi trained almost from birth for killing would be like. That's why I can get away with some crazy, a reasonable amount of OOC, but still remain a more social interaction fic than 'my jutsu hit you there' sort of fiction.

Next Chapter: A Boar in the white grass.


	13. A Boar in White Grass

Chouji, heir to the Akimichi clan, skirted the walls of his home and then headed for the waterfall area off to the north gate. With a nuke nin having been found in the vicinity of the walls the guard rotation had increased. His large girth made it hard to be quiet so he had gained the morning patrols. After a few days he found that sometimes, if he was lucky, the waterfalls would host a small more outgoing group of feminine bathers and from the sounds today was a lucky day. Sneaking in he would find that little nook that was perfect for peeping. It would be today however, he would slip on an old rusted spyglass, left out forgotten from god only knew when and found himself going head long into the water.

Promptly finding himself before a bathing giantess. Her hair, brunette in appearance, was being run under the waterfall, her fingers slipping through her pageboy length brown tresses as she smiled prettily at the feeling. Chouji's eyes followed the water's path as it poured from her long neck down, flowed between the valley of her breasts before splashing at her firm abdomen keeping the rest of her figure hidden from his eyes. His ogling stopped the moment he realized she was looking at him.

"Hehe. Hi." She called out giggling, his eyes wandered down to her jiggling breasts before snapping back up. She laughed again as she caught him once more checking her out.

"Hi…G-gomen." He replied, and promptly blushed harder than he had ever done in his life, so stunned he even had dropped his chip bag. Before him, her robust, nude, figure rose from the water, the liquid running from the previously denied parts as she began to move towards him. Chouji gulped as the smirking giantess walked over to him, uncaring of her nakedness, and bent down to look at him with a blushed expression.

"You're a Konoha Shinobi? Wow, what luck! Well, cutie, think I can come with you? I have some business with either Yamanaka Ino-hime or Uzumaki Naruto-sama!" Chouji blinked.

"H-hai." Ino… hime?

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Fakers!

Chapter Thirteen: A Boar in the White Grass

By

Hibiki

**AN: THIS GETS DARK REAL AT THE END. NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. IMPLIED RAPE, DARK THEMES, HOWEVER THIS RETURNS TO IT'S NORMAL HAPPY SELF IN 15.**

"There's a shortage of perfectly good plots in this world, it'd be a pity for Kishimoto to ruin those." -Hibiki

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There were two kinds of hawks used in Konoha to deliver messages to nin. There were those who were so stupid they could only fly around in circles screaming, these morons were used for general summoning and basic messages understood by the color of the hawk's tail or cry. Akabijou was NOT some circle screaming idiot. He was the second (The BEST!) class of hawk and no bird was more proud of his job than him. He got the best rats, the biggest cage and the sweetest hairless monkey to take care of him. You wanted a message to a certain person, he was your bird and never once had he failed. So committed to his task one could say he was driven to great lengths to get them done swiftly and efficiently.

So the stupid ugly monkeys trying to mate were getting on his nerves as they ignored him for the third time. Didn't they know he was The Great Akabijou?

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"Oh god Naruto…" She frotted back against him as he ran his hands from her breasts into her knickers, rubbing her furiously as she squirmed and cried out against him. Pleasing her with his hands was quickly becoming his favorite thing she thought as she could stand no longer. Sliding onto the bed before her, on her hands and knees, she showed her appreciation of his fingers by moving her ass against his engorged member. After almost a full torturous week of him teasing her with his body and his love, her monthly curse was finally lifted once they rose they couldn't keep their hands off one another. She bucked hard as his fingers brought that release she had begged him for. "Yes god I love that! Naruto more, take me, I'm ready. Please baby."

"SKRAAW!"

"Fuck! Off! Bird!" Naruto growled then focused back on Ino's body. "I need you, INOOOOW!" The fucking bird had flown over and the son of a bitch had bitten his ear!

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK? FINE!" He grabbed the stupid letter on the birds leg as his Ino pouted, covering herself up. Dammit they were so CLOSE!

"Stupid hawk ruined the moment." SON OF A BITCH! His only consolation was she looked just as upset as he was.

"I'm sorry honey, I'll make it up to you. Just as soon as this…. OVERGROWN FEATHER DUSTER GETS OUT OF HERE!"

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Oh hell no. No one yelled at HIM.

[PFT]

"YOU GOD DAMNED BIRD! YOU CRAPPED ON ME!"

Served the loud monkey right. Akabijou the Great, master of Konoha's skies, sailed onwards, dreaming of a meaty rat, and the feel of that female monkey's hands in his feathers, awaiting his return.

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Naruto and Ino stalked, side by side, down the halls of the T&I department. With matching frowns, it was clear neither was happy at being there, and the look in their eyes promised the first person to even glance in their general direction was going to die the slowest possible death imaginable. So it was no surprise they made it all the way to Ibiki before they were spoken to.

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"Good you are here. Welcome back Yamanaka-san. Naruto." Their semi flushed faces, the anger tensed hands, and countless other tell tale signs allowed the information master of Konoha to all pull the information on their attitude and their previous activity. They had almost had coupled, but something had stopped them, ah there. The rather painful looking bite mark on the man's ear. They must have sent Akabijou, that bird had a bad tendency to bite when ignored for too long, that glutton of an animal. "While I understand the urge to look good for your fiancée you should know that piercing that ear makes you look rather flamboyant." Ino blinked then started laughing as Naruto struggled not to yell from the insinuation. Good less tense, his praised his power that had allowed him to defuse the situation and allow affairs to continue.

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"Ami-chan!" So THIS was Ami no Shirokusa. Naruto was right, she was tall. By almost half a body taller than her she figured. Hearing why the woman had been banished from Kusagakure she had wondered about her look, but now seeing her all she could find was a solid but curvy figure that definitely caught the eye, the woman was by no means ugly. And strong too as Naruto's ribs popped as she hugged him like a little girl and her favorite teddy bear. "gah… air." The large woman let go instantly, her face set with a worried continence.

"Naruto-sama, are you okay? I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" Ino's well trained mind was made up, Ami was too sweet to be a hazard (Unless she liked you) and had a worse poker face than Naruto, there was no threat to her village here. She made a sign and Ibiki and a few others opened the door and let the trio out. After signing a few papers the trio were sent to the Hokage's office. The big woman kept taking small glances in her direction before her curiosity got the better of her. "Naruto-kun, is this…?"

"Oh right, sorry! Ami-chan, this is Yamanaka Ino." The woman's soft brown eyes turned to her and gave a warm smile.

"Oh Naruto-kun you were right, she is very beautiful!" Ino blushed, just what was her man telling people about her?

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"So you see, Baa-chan, Ami-chan has no reason to be denied into Konoha! She's too nice to be left alone!" Just when she thought she couldn't find more reasons to love him, he just proves that those reasons are so very big. She half way face palmed at her own unintentional pun as she eyed the big gal who looked a little nervous as the woman, who she learned was actually a year younger than herself, tore apart a book from nerves.

"Yamanaka Ino." She snapped to attention.

"Hai! Hokage-sama!" It was hard to resist not letting her lips twitch up into a smile as her idiot mouthed baa-chan over and over again in humorous ways behind the woman.

"Do you feel Ami no Shirokusa is a threat to Konoha and it's citizens?" It was all really formal since she had said as much to even get the sweet woman worrying herself to death over there in this room to begin with.

"If I may be frank, Ami no Shirokusa is a hazard." Tsunade, Naruto, and Ami all looked at her in shock. She giggled and smiled disarmingly, Her Naruto laughed as she played one on the two taller women in the room. "To absolutely nothing, not even a butterfly." (If only she knew.) Ami looked ready to cry, she'd make it up to the woman later, geez she was only kidding, god it was like kicking a puppy. Tsunade was decidedly not as amused or worried.

"You're spending too much time around this brat, you know 'Hime'-chan?"

"Hokage-sama, if you would be so kind as to never call me that again. Only my Idiot and Daddy may call me, Hime." Tsunade looked rather amused but said nothing, rather enjoying the colors flowing over Naruto's face. Ino was rather glad she also wasn't blurting out that stupid-

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'_Naruto babies, Naruto babies, all for me, yes indeed~! HEEHEEEHEEHEEEHEE~!' _Tsunade was a happy grandma.

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"We really should introduce you to the rest of the guys." Ino remarked as they ventured forth into the village proper, Ami gently tugging and adjusting the new Konoha hitai-ate she wore like a wristband. "OH! Better yet let's get JUST the girls first! You know what this means right? GIRLS NIGHT OUT!" Ami blinked then smiled.

"I've never had one of those." Ino frowned.

"Well it's never too late to start! Naruto-baka, I'll see you at home tonight." He pouted then did a hand sign. A slender well endowed young woman stood in his place. Even his clothes had changed to something more feminine and rather stylish. Not bad, but not her man's figure. Oh yeah she was definitely straight.

"Can't I come too?" She asked and put her finger against her cheek like her student, Haruna. Ami blinked at the sudden change from hunky stud to juicy little thing.

"Well only for a little while," Naruto-onna(AN: I almost wrote Hitomi, gorramit) smiled rather prettily and snuggled up against her girlfriend. Ino smirked. "after all, I plan on making love to my idiot fiancée sometime tonight." If the objects pushing against her arm and the blush that had appeared on the henge'd girl's now hidden face were any sign, Naruto rather liked the idea too.

Ami, bless her heart, merely laughed, enjoying the day and company.

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"So seriously, Naruto farts into Kiba's face, and wins the round." Naruto huffed as all of the girls laughed and folded her arms under her rather impressive bust as she was once again the focus of another embarrassing story. Okay so her Genin carrier was horrible but seriously.

"You girls really need to find someone else to talk about."

"It's not our fault my idiot is so memorable." She squeezed the other girl's hand to take the sting out of her comment, not that it was needed, Naruto had long since accepted being 'her idiot' was a nice thing.

"Thank god he doesn't eat ramen constantly anymore, I know you love it, but you can get a lot of problems eating the same thing all the time." Sakura remarked, ever the medic.

"You all have Hime to thank for that. she feeds me well."

"More a mutual benefit if you think about it, Naruto-chan." Ten-ten remarked, wiggling her eyebrows up in a suggestive manner that had the whole table laughing, that is except two blondes. Who blushed, looking at one another as they got her meaning. Given what Ino had mentioned, just before they had gotten everyone together, was still running rampant in their minds. It made Ino squirm and Naruto bite her lip. Naruto cocked her head to the side in question. Ino caught it and nodded. She watched as Naruto rose up and said she was going to order some drinks. The girls thanked her and she was off.

When **he** returned, five brown, frothy, drinks were placed in front of Hinata, Ami, Ten-ten, Temari, and Sakura. The sixth and final drink, a decidedly red and intriguingly smelling drink landed in front of her. The girls all blushed, well Ami looked a little confused, and looked curiously to Ino as she raised an eyebrow.

"How come I get the red drink, you know… _that's_… past right?" He nodded then pulled her head up into the most searing and probing kiss they had shared to date.

"Because when you come home tonight you'll need the energy." And with that he waved to the five blushing women… and the pale comatose beauty on the floor. It took Ino's entire willpower not to follow him out the door. As she fanned herself, she only had one thing to say.

"Holy shit." God she loved him.

1313131313131313 **WARNING WARNING DARK THEMES BEYOND THIS POINT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

She had waved goodbye to the girls as she turned for home. She was a little late to meet Naruto. Tonight was the night, she could feel it. She turned a corner, one she took nearly every night, so her guard was lowered. She was rushing to the man she loved, so she was distracted on top of that. She never felt him come behind her until it was too late.

"You BITCH!" Ino's eyes turned to the bloody form of one Fukyuu Kaori just before he slammed a board into her face. Pain exploded out from her shattered nose as she was flung backwards into the wall with a sickening crack. The splintered remains of his improvised weapon fell beside her as she writhed in pain. Her vision faded in and out catching only glimpses of his feet approaching. The heavy foot falls of his boots stopped before her. "I almost didn't get away from your dammed torture buddies, them fuckers put up a hell of fight. Heh, you should feel special since I'm gonna take all that out on you, though. Must be my lucky day I guess, commin across such a hot piece of ass. You owe me, little tease, and I think I know just with what." Something sharp rammed into her chest making her choke on her own blood. "Let's just hope you don't die before I'm done, eh slut?"

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Naruto strummed the table, his hands unable to remain still. Something seemed wrong, something wasn't right. Ever since he had gotten home his senses where driving him insane. Something was wrong, he could feel it. Maybe it was his connection to the nature chakra but he was halfway to the door when it was beat upon.

"NARUTO!" Slamming it open he found Shikamaru with a haunted expression. His heart froze.

"Where is she?"

"The hospital, wait… Naruto wait!" But the man was gone, from the window with such force the wall and glass left shattered and cracked from force of his jump.

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The world was flying by, so fast yet so slowly it seemed like only her mind remained at a constant speed. After mirages of light that hadn't yet left her field of vision appeared and passed over her as she swayed, her body was held in her newest friend's arms. Where was Kukyuu? When did Ami get there? Why couldn't she focus.

"Ino stay with me! Just a little longer! Don't you die on me!" Was she dying? She couldn't feel anything, maybe she was already dead.

No, the pain suddenly returned and she gasped. She apparently was still quite alive.

"Sakura, she's bleeding again!" Hands were put upon her and strength flowed into her chest.

"Ami hurry I don't know how long I can keep it plugged without it stopping her heart completely!" Her vision faded again.

"Ino! Hang on!" Shizune? Was she in the hospital? If she was there, then was he there too? God she wanted him next to her so badly, everything hurt. "He pierced an artery! Shit get Hinata in here NOW! We need to know where the bleeding is! Get me those blood packs now! If Naruto comes do NOT let him in here! He'll just be in the way." No, she needed him.

"Naru…to…" Why was everything so bright?

"She's flat lining!"

"HIME!"

"…Naruto…" He was there beside her, finally. She smiled, he always did his best didn't he, making her happy.

Her beloved...

Idi…ot…

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I know. I know. I suck. However this does not mean the end of the story, keep reading folks. It's still a happy humor story, just had to do some bad to emphasize the good.

Next chapter: Sayonara


	14. Sayonara

"…any idea how dangerous that is? What if you fry her brain, A!"

"_Hey squirt time for a bath." She remarked to the little girl playing in the dirt. Smiling the girl ran into her open arms._

"It'll give you time to fix the wound, so hurry it up, I can only keep this up for so long before oxygen depravation sets in, Tsunade."

_Blonde mixed with chocolate as her girl's small form rested against her, her hands making small waves in the water. Ino laughed as the lapping water tickled her sides._

"The wound isn't responding! There's something in there that's blocking our chakra!"

"_Hey Momma, when I grow up, think I can marry Daddy too?" Her face, so small and innocent, those hazel eyes so full of life. Still young enough to splash in the furo but not so young anymore, she just was naturally little._

"She was stabbed by a wooden stake right? There are probably splinters interfering with the process. Tenzou!"

"_I think you have a short, light bulb. Baby girls can't marry their daddy's." She chided softly, running her hands through her baby's hair._

"Right! Mokuton!"

"_Why not, I love daddy THIS much!" She giggled as her little one's arms went almost behind her head._

"It's working! Suction! We'll restart her heart the moment we patch the cut."

"_Aw I'm jealous! I don't think there's any more love for me!"_

"Get ready, Temari can you begin pumping oxygen into her lungs, as pure as you can make it."

"_nu uh! I love my mommy lots too! She likes the same things as me, loves me! She even gave me a special name!"_

"Hai Hokage-sama!"

"_You are our light bulb, love. You make your daddy so happy when he thinks about you that it just lights up his face."_

"Send a jolt to restart it on my mark."

"_Oh momma. you're about to go, I'll miss you." Ino hugged her closer, not wanting to loose that unconditional love that had filled her heart._

"Get ready! A, NOW!"

"_I'll miss you too baby, so much."_

A jolt hit her, her body suddenly ached with pain as if her heart was on fire.

"_Sayonara Momma, don't be sad, I'm doing alright."_

"I have a heartbeat!

"_I love you light bulb."_

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Chapter Fourteen: Sayonara

By

Hibiki

"Thought I was gonna make her take the big step huh? My silly cute readers, I would dare not do such a thing. Have patience and ye be rewarded." -Hibiki "And I think I just made the first ER: Konoha episode I think."

AN: The Title of the chapter has already been said. Now enjoy your fluff because we go back to romantic funny afterward. I have some things I wish to rant about and I hope it clears up a few things. I'm a little bit beyond annoyed at some of you.

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She awoke with a start, the smell of antiseptic and overly washed sheets filled her nostrils.

"Easy Ino, don't move around too much, the flesh around wound is still a little weak until the sutures are absorbed by you body." Tsunade. Ino's eyes opened to find the older woman sitting at her bedside, and despite her genjutsu, looked more aged than she had ever seen the woman before.

"What… what happened?" It had happened so suddenly

"The man you interrogated four days ago broke free when the mop up crew came to terminate him. He killed four of your co workers." Ino winced, both from pain her chest and the loss of the four jokesters that ran the termination squad. "He hid himself in the city and apparently came across you as he was making his escape. After he incapacitated you, Ami no Shirokusa appeared and saved you." Ami, thank you. Wait… how long had that man had her alone. Fear popped into her mind

"Was I? Did he?" She couldn't say it. She didn't even want to think it.

"No, thank god, Ami got to you almost right after you were stabbed, and once she killed him she held your wound closed with a thumb in your wound. A little much but I have a feeling had she not, I doubt you would be here now." Tsunade smiled gently. "As for how we know, it's SOP to check anyone who comes in like you did, just in case of rape, something you seem to have forgotten since you switched positions. So to answer you question, yes, you are still virginal." Relief filled her and she nearly collapsed into the bed. She was shaking how close she had been to lose… so very much. Tsunade's hand found hers, knowing what must have been running through her head. The two women held each other for a moment before Ino asked her next burning question.

"W-where is my Naruto?"

"He's right next to you." A masculine voice broke over her. Ino's eyes widened and she looked to find him staring at her with so many emotions and tears running through his eyes. "Oh god, Love… I was so scared." He wrapped her hand gently into his, shaking the whole while. "I thought I had lost you."

"I'm okay…" She stroked his hair as he held his hand against his lips and broke. Hours he must have sat there, and wept. "I'm okay." she kept repeating. Little else was said, or needed, as Naruto merely held her, thanking every deity in the universe, and making some up, that his beloved Ino was alive.

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The next day brought a slew of friends, family, and the occasional co worker to her room as she rested in the bed. Naruto remained by her side the whole time. There were moments when she realized just how close she had come to death, to being raped, that she couldn't help just breaking down. Yesterday he had wept, and she was strong, now it was her turn and her darling couldn't have been more perfect. When her father, the one man Naruto would normally back down to, started asking questions she just wasn't ready to face he came to her defense that had left her and her father stunned. She loved that he wouldn't let her out of his sight and it went a long way towards making her feel safe, and loved.

The only time he had left her side at all was to wrap, or try to, she giggled a little at the thought, Ami in a hug to thank the giantess for everything she had done to save his Hime. The others who had saved her life respectively got a teary eyed thank you and hugs from her man. Even the large stoic A, whose fast thinking had kept her here, had received a hug and thank you. Seeing a man who is normally rather composed freak out a little as another man just about squeezes the stuffing out of him made her laugh.

As the visiting hours wound down Tsunade did a few more checks before walking out, leaving the two of them alone for the first time since Ino had woken up. A question she had kept quiet about, something rather personal to the man who held her in his arms. (Tsunade was annoyed but the two refused anything but)

"Does anyone know if I was hallucinating when A did that to my mind to keep it going?"

"He said it was possible, but they…" He squeezed her close to him as he tried to calm. "Weren't certain how far g-gone you were."

"I… I'm not certain either. I mean I could hear everyone talking, but at the same time…' She wrapped her arms around his as they rocked gently, it wasn't something either of them wanted to talk about, but she needed to. She wanted to, for even if it was an hallucination it was real enough that she had to say it. "I was there… I got to meet your… our baby." His hands stiffened before they wrapped around her tighter. "I got to be her mommy if only for a few minutes. God she was beautiful."

"Y-yes she was." His warm tears brushed her cheek as he realized once again just how close he came to loosing her.

"I got to see our little light bulb and know she was doing alright, I'm a happy mommy."

"Huh? Light bulb?"

"Because she makes the man I love light up so much, our little girl." She was pulled into a kiss. "…Naruto."

"I love you too. With all my heart, Ino." It was the first time he had said it. She had known he did, but to hear him say it made her so happy. It didn't make what had happened any less traumatic, or worth it. It was something she would probably carry for the rest of her life, and would haunt her from time to time, but the words like his lips helped cover it away for a moment. The two 'parents' talked long into the night, of their daughter, of their life, of their love. And they healed one another, if only a little bit.

Because they were able to say goodbye to the last day, and all it's sorrow, and look forward for tomorrow and all the love they could share.

Because it was a new day, and because of their precious people, they had one.

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Whoa when I put both the title and that last really depressing part into the previous chapter what I thought it would push a few more responses than normal into the fic. Such a MASSIVE response I got, only I didn't think it was going to be all 'you are horrible, I can't believe you, I'll never read your stuff again, rape is evil.'

Removed gripe here. I had some rather nasty PMs that angered me into writing it. Needless to say I am rather embarrassed by how I acted, but rape IS a rather touchy subject for me. I know I implied it, but honestly it's how the story flowed.

Next Chapter: Pecking Order


	15. Pecking Order

"Ah my baby finally gets out of the hospital today, this makes me very happy!" Inoichi cried out, hugging his daughter as if she was just five years old, much to her mortification.

"Mou, Daddy, It's not that big a deal, why do you always make it so?" Even if she was humiliated, the fact her father hadn't changed how he treated her was a great comfort. The family began walking out of the room for the entrance to sign her out. Naruto was waiting for her to take her bag and fell into step beside her, his presence made her ease into his shoulder and take his arm.

"Ino-chan, you know your birth was rather hard on me, right?" Her mother remarked. It was talked about but never really mentioned. So difficult was the her pregnancy and birth, the stress had almost completely scarred Yamanaka Chigusa's womb and prevented them from conceiving again.

"It's why you and Daddy couldn't have more children." Even if she had no way of fixing it in the back of her head, the part of her that had wanted a little sister or brother to spoil, felt guilty.

"Un!" Her mother nodded. "Well, your father was so scared to loose both of us. You were born a whole month premature and I had lost a lot of blood. When the Kyuubi was forced against Konoha and the Hospital was hit he had thought he had lost us. Thankfully you and I were taken to a shelter before hand, but your father has hated hospitals ever since. Big baby."

"Chi-chan, you have no idea how scary that was for me."

"Yes I do you cried like a little girl when they told you I was safe for an hour before the Sandaime sent someone to bring you to me. And You came in with snot hanging out of your nose."

"You make it sound so utterly pathetic."

"It was." Ah she loved her mother.

"G-gomen. I'm sorry that Kyuubi made you worry, Inoichi-san." Ah there he spoke up, why was he being so quiet anyway? Why did her Idiot always have to shoulder the blame for that stupid fox every time. After all…

"Koishii, it's not your fault Daddy's pathetic."

"Hime-chan!" She ignored her father and continued.

"You were just a baby at the time too." Naruto blushed at the endearment, he was still having trouble getting use to them actually being what did she call it again? Lovey Dovey? Yeah Lovey Dovey in public for real. Truthfully, unlike all those stupid girly girly romance novels and books went on about, the world didn't stop turning, they didn't magically live happily ever after, and Naruto didn't suddenly gain four feet of wavy hair, called her Dianna, while he made passionate love to her in the rain. She blushed. Okay, so no more romance novels for a while. She only really read them for information purposes of course, not for the smut, honest! (Sure Ino, we believe you)

Frankly, it was just like it was before… that night. Which when she really thought about it, was perfectly fine for her.

The only real difference was Naruto got really, really territorial when other men got near her. It was cute, but a little overbearing. Having to yank his ear every ten seconds for glaring at Shikamaru or Chouji when they came to see her was getting old, yet strangely fun when you watched him do that silly pout and whine. She made sure to pick his 'pierced' ear too.

"H-hai." He agreed. Okay she wanted out of this stupid place if nothing for her man to stop talking like he had done something wrong and was hiding it from her.

'I'm so glad I get to go home! I want to just snuggle up with you and a good book in my window seat."

"Urk." Urk? "Um, Hime… there might be a small problem about that…"

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A tarp, put to keep the wind and rain out of the room, flapped uselessly over the ruined wall of room 502 as Chief foreman Kouzou examined the structure. His assistant and new hire, Shiro, writing down anything the man spoke. So quickly the man talked the younger man was having difficulty keeping up.

"It's a wonder this window seat is even still here with only one strut left like that. Looks like it could go any minute. However shouldn't be too tough to repair so long as it doesn't move. The rest is mostly dry wall, not the worst I've seen, easy. The job should take a week tops."

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY A 'LITTLE' BROKE?" The men were flung backwards as the world shook.

[C-c-c-c-cRACK!]

The window seat broke free as the final stud snapped and there was a loud smash as it landed five stories down in a pile of kindling.

"…A month tops." Shiro scratched out the first time and added the new one as his boss began spewing out materials he struggled to jot it down.

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Fakers!

Chapter Fifteen: Pecking Order

By

Hibiki

"Something not so funny here. Something about rights here. Something about Kishimoto and the fact they are his here." -Hibiki

AN: Yupped changed the name, an urge struck me and I ran with it.

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By the time his hime had finished reaming him out, Chigusa-Okaachan (AN: Only Naruto would call someone Mother-chan.) had completed the sign out forms and the four of them made it out into the village proper, though Ino was still whapping him over the head, muttering.

"So you broke our apartment." She finally calmed down and stopped exerting herself, something Tsunade had specifically told her not to do, by giving her man a few rough smacks, Something Tsunade specifically told her TO do(Stupid Baa-chan), and leaned up against him. "So now where do we stay until it's fixed?"

"You're always welcome back at the shop, Hime-chan." Her father remarked. Figure'd the man wouldn't mention him… But all was well, all he had to do was wait. [Smack!] "Chi-chan…. Fine. You can come too Naruto." Whipped.

"Um, Ino? I mean that'd be fine if you wanted to stay with your folks, I always got my apartment too." Which he really hadn't set inside of in a month and a half… oh man! That milk, definitely expired… but had he left it out? Damn he really couldn't remember. "I know your parent's would love to see you and it's always good to be around loved ones after something like this…" He assumed anyway, what did he know.

"Then it's settled!' She remarked. He tried not to look disappointed she hadn't tried harder to stay with him, even his place was not all that great. "I'm gonna stay with my Idiot at his place until my apartment is fixed!"

An amazed Naruto and upset Inoichi's mouths dropped.

"But but… Hime" They both remarked as Chigusa laughed.

"No buts! Naruto owes me for wreaking my place and I sure as hell not sleeping alone." He was blushing like a fool, he knew it and didn't care. God he loved her.

"B-but Hime-chan, don't I-[smack]-we have a say in it? You are our baby! [smack] We love you. [smack] Wouldn't you [smack] you two [smack] DAMMIT WOMAN STOP HITTING M-oh shit!"

"What was that… DEAR?" Naruto and Ino made a run for it.

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"Man your dad really said something stupid didn't he? I thought him smarter than that." Well that was a stupid think to say. [smack]

"Stupid." See she agrees. He held his hands up, offering no resistance and she took his gesture as his apology.

They began their trek up the stairs, something was bugging him, like he had forgotten something.

"Yamaguchi-san, hello!" He jerked, back ramrod straight, he knew there was something he had forgotten.

"Ino! Oh darling how are you feeling! I was so worried when I heard. That dear Ami, what a godsend, I tell you what. Oh you'd never guess what I heard! She's been eying that big cutie you use to work with-" Oh god, gossip, he needed to get out of there before was trapped listening to it for hours. He tuned them out for a moment, trying to unlock his door quietly as not to attract the gossip hungry lioness' from their prey. His door popped open, and he instantly wished it hadn't. "OH my GOD! What DIED in there! That's just Nahsty!"

Oops. Knew he had forgotten something… else.

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Chigusa was closing up for the night when two rather rank people walked into the shop. So vile was the smell she could taste it even all the way in the back by the fertilizer. With anger still simmering from her moronic husband she stormed up to the front to properly yell at them. What she didn't expect was Naruto and her daughter looking both ready to pass out, probably from their own stench.

"What did you two do, roll in shit?" Always the tactful in delicate situations, Ino's mother.

"Nartuo's apartment had to be… sterilized." Ino started then glanced to Naruto.

"I'm stupid." He remarked.

"And it won't be ready until tomorrow."

"Because I'm stupid." Chigusa raised an eyebrow.

"Think we can stay here tonight after all?"

"Please forgive my stupidity." He bowed. Wow he was a keeper.

"Of course dear," She turned to both of them. "You know you are both always welcome to come over any time."

"Thank you Mom/Chigusa-okaachan!" They made for the door leading into the house when a pair of hands caught their shoulders in an iron tight grip. "N-nani?"

"But before you set an INCH into my nice clean house go to the back door and strip to your undies. I need to hose you two off."

"MOM!/Chigusa-san!" Embarrassment be damned. There was more important things than modesty. Like her nice clean floors!

"Deal with it! I'm probably going to have to burn those things your wearing! God you two stink! Did you even THINK of bathing before you came over?"

"No, we didn't. We're stupid."

"If you had come in when I had customers you could have ruined the business!"

"We're sorry. We're stupid."

"Just because I love you Ino and adore your boyfriend means you can just roll around in shit or stale milk or whatever that is, and then track it into my house!"

"Please forgive our stupidity." They bowed to her. She smirked. Oh yeah they knew who was in charge. Now if only her moron could figure it out and remember it.

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"Mendokuse. Dad, Inoichi-san is here." Shikamaru looked lazily at his friend's father as he looked forlornly to him. His father moved up next to him and Shikamaru took that as his cue to retreat back into the house.

"What do you want Inoichi-kun?"

"My baby is shacking up with Naruto at HIS apartment and my wife kicked me out!" The blonde man latched onto his father like a squid and started crying. Rolling his eyes Shikamaru had only one thing to say. "My women hate me! WAHH!"

"Mendokuse." He needed a cigarette.

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Okay this was fun and got me in the mood to keep writing. Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. I lost a few readers, but what can I do. Just keep writing as I want to. It is what is is.

Next Chapter: Shopping


	16. Shopping

The bed was softer than theirs, smaller too, but he didn't mind. His hime was cuddled up facing him, which was different than normal as it was her breath against his neck that woke him. Rather than move and disturb her he merely lay beside her, admiring this woman that had come from being an annoyance to…

What was Yamanaka Ino to him?

Girlfriend, best friend, lover, fiancée, wife? So many titles woven into the lies and gossip that had plagued their first few weeks as 'a couple', that when they… no she admitted it… when HE couldn't deny what he felt for her anymore, had left them struggling for a name to put to one another. The only one he felt right saying was she was HIS. Just as much he was HERS. He loved being hers, the joy it felt to say someone was there beside him, willing to be with him, the Kyuubi container. Jinchuriki's had the worst luck when it came to love… at least most. His mother and Tsunade's grandmother did alright, Gaara had Matsuri, but the lives of all the others he knew of seemed rather. Lonely. He had all but settled on being alone himself till he found a little broken girl in a pile of rubble. She had nothing left, no one, everyone said she wasn't going to live a past a week. She stubbornly refused them, and he began looking after her, her words and actions reminding him of himself. Over the two years he went from being Uzumaki-san, to Naruto-san, Naruto, Naruto-pappa, to finally.

"_I love you, Daddy."_

His eyes closed as her voice once again filled him with indescribable emotion. Had it really been almost three years?

"_I got to see our little light bulb, and know she's doing alright, I'm a happy mommy."_

Ino. The only times he had truly felt that… Lost… was the night Iruka saved him all those years ago, when he had learned of his tenant. When he had lost Hotaru. When his hime, the woman he cared the most for in the entire world lie dying before him. She looked up to him, smiled, just like his little girl had… and was gone. For a moment everything, was gone too. He couldn't recall Sakura pulling him away so the others could begin working on resuscitating her. Nothing.

But then she was brought back. From the very brink. Now here he was feeling her move in his arms, alive, warm, even her breath against his neck that should have irritated him left him nothing but breathless and thankful to anyone and everything for keeping her.

[flash!] Ah, her mother was taking pictures, sneaky. He kept his eyes closed.

"Chigusa-okaachan can you take another one? I'd like to have one for us as well."

"Please Mom?" Ino was awake too?

"We it's not as cute when I know you two are awake but fine."

"Good morning love." His hime called out so softly, drowsily.

"Good morning Hime." He would love to wake up for the rest of his life to this.

[flash!] Well maybe not THAT.

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Fakers!

Chapter Sixteen: Shopping

By

Hibiki

Plot mine. Characters Kishimoto's. UGH UGH! ROCK WITH STICK MAKE GOOD BOOM BOOM! Fuck I'm in a weird mood.

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"So your apartment should be aired out by now, however you don't have any food there and your sheets are..." She trailed off as they ate breakfast. Also she couldn't think of a way to mention his sheets looked like he had them since the first shinobi war. Truly only he would call those moth eaten shabby things, bedding.

"Old, yeah. I really haven't needed to replace until now-" Men really would sleep naked in a cave wouldn't they? "-but since it isn't just me." Oh he's blushing. She chuckled smarmily. Pervy boy. "Maybe we should."

"Satin feels great, perfect for a couple starting out. It also helps keep off friction burns." Her mother had no tact. "It's expensive but OH so worth it." Pervy Mom. Yeck she didn't want to think about her parent's doing it, can we go back to thinking about her man and her doing it?

"Friction burns?" She hid her face in her hands. Someone strike her down. Now. Why does he have to be so good at it but denser than a post about sex?

"Ino just what have you been doing with this boy?" The older female draped herself over Naruto's shoulders. "He's so… pristine still. Not having issues in the sack are we, it'd be a shame is The Stud couldn't perform." Naruto went crimson, fidgeting his fingers like a pale eyed friend of hers.

"We really haven't gotten that far yet MOM." She emphasized the M's trying to get her mother to quit it. "So we aren't up for a surprise test in sex ed." Her mother giggled. "Breakfast is no place to discuss these things!"

"Test…" Naruto frowned. "Test." Now he looked at the ceiling hand on his chin in thought. His eyes widened. "OH SHI-Oooot." He looked as her mother glared a bit at his almost faux pas. "I almost forgot today the exams start! I need to get over to the testing center to make sure the girls are doing okay" She loved him for it, but her man was a worrier.

"Well let's go, we can go shopping afterward." They thanked her mother and headed up to change.

Satin sheet huh? Nice advise mom.

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His darling students had decided to take the exam after all. They stood before him calmly waiting for him to talk. He had appeared as they strode for the building, and he had to resist pulling a Kakashi.

"I congratulate you all on passing the first of the four parts to this exam for Konoha chunin hopefuls." The girls blinked in shock, even the always smiling Haruna. Ino laughed at their confusion, but only a little.

"We all had to join up together didn't we, Sensei?" Haruka, ever the clever one, asked as she figured it out.

"Konoha prides itself on it's safety for all ninja, Genin, Chunin, and Jounin. You joined the ranks of ninja as a team, who watch each other's back. The people in your team are your family… in this case more so than others… stupid triplets messing up my speech" The quartet of girls laughed at him as he pouted. Rubbing the flesh between his eyes he continued. "Anyway, as you three move up the ranks you will always be with others, either under them or leading them. If even one ninja in the team falters, then the mission fails. That is the first test… and lesson, of the Chunin Exams."

"Hai! Sensei!" His girls snapped to a salute and his chest swelled with pride.

"Go on, ladies. Do your best, and be safe, I am already very proud of you all." Haruna surprised him by dropping the salute to hug him. The other two did the same not a moment later. Without a single thought to propriety, he dropped to a knee and pulled them into a tight hug, his voice catching on the lump pooling in his suddenly scratchy throat. "Keep each other safe, okay? I'll see you at the end of the second exam." They nodded and the trio ran off to the examination room. Ino's hands wrapped around his shoulders and gave him a squeeze as they watched the girls go.

"You're more like their father than their teacher, you know that?" He blushed.

"Is that bad?" He was just following what he felt was natural, he didn't have much knowledge training others, even Konohamaru's training was a little… eccentric. (perverted more like it)

"For you? Never." She slid off him and he stood. "Ready to go shopping?"

"Yup."

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It was easy enough to find some suitable set of sheets for his bed, so quickly had they done it they did one of their favorite things, exploring this store. This was the oldest shop in the city, so some items were rather obsolete and bizarre, yet Naruto knew of no better place for nifty things at great prices. He had brought Ino a few weeks back and she had fallen in love with the place just like he had. As he fiddled with a small tin toy that shot sparks out of it's mouth her voice broke over the sound of the wind up metal frog.

"Koishii… come look at this." There was a waver in her voice that had him dropping the toy to hurry to her. She was in the children's section of Jii-san's shop, why women always gravitated to that section… he would guess it was that 'clock' Sandaime-jijii always commented on when he talked to Asuma-ojisan about similar questions.

He stopped as he came across her, admiring her find. She stood beside a crib unlike any other in the line up, not just in age but in style. It was the style that made him pause, then run his hand over it's unique design softly. The wooden baby bed was definitely set for either gender children. It was purely androgynous, as all the colors, despite the dust and age were still sharp, were neutral. Browns and yellows mostly. The railings at the top looked like the rest but as you went lower, around the child's height ran a series of nearly interconnected bug shapes, the same cutesy styled insect as the pillow and blankets inside it. The mobile that hung silently above it, had the same.

"Hah! I'm surprised anyone's even interested in that old thing. Had it about ten years now, no buyers. Blasted thing didn't even have the decency to get smashed apart in the Pein attack." The old shop owner barked as he limped around the corner, eying the crib they were looking at.

"T-ten years?" Ino's eyes met his as they had the same thought.

"Yeah, back then a set of movies were going around that the normal folks got stupid over. Kinda like them Princess Fun crap going around now. Got so bad there was a whole slew of girls named after the heroine in it. I tried my hand selling it's merchandise, did alright too but I got stuck with this crib when the series failed." he paused, as he ran his hand over his chin, trying to decide something then he smiled.

"Say you two wouldn't perhaps be interested in taking this number off my hands would ya? I'll give you quite a deal on it!" Naruto was fascinated by it, but really, he wasn't certain how Ino would react if he did buy it. You don't go around buying baby items with your girlfriend for the heck of it. Even with as clueless as he was, that was a step in a direction he wasn't certain either of them wanted.

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Ino looked over as Naruto ran his hands over the side of the crib again, deep in thought. Looking at it once more, confirming it to herself, Ino nodded.

"Sure Jii-san, we'd be happy too." She ignored Naruto's pointed stare as she ran her hands lovingly over the railing designs.

"Great! I'll see if I have any boxes we can fit it into. I threw out that old princess butterfly one because I got tired of looking at it ages ago." As the old man walked into his back storeroom, still mumbling about something or other like eccentric old men often did, Ino's eyes fell upon the mobile once more. The Brown bug with a light bulb for a rear turned softly towards her in the air conditioning.

"It was Princess firefly, Jii-san." She smiled.

"You know, if you were worried about what the village were saying about us before now, this…" Naruto started, tilting his head towards the special little bed, Ino shrugged. To hell what anyone else thought.

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"You didn't have to pay for it, Hime. I coulda gotten it." As it turned out the bolts had rusted well enough the trio decided to leave it whole for now, for the sake of not breaking it(Jii-san didn't want to be stuck with it for another ten years, and Ino and Naruto wanted it as pristine as they could). A pair of Naruto's lifted the now sheet covered crib as they hauled it after their girlfriend towards his apartment. True enough the whole village was alight as they realized what the Man/Men (?) carried. Excited whispers and jealous stares followed them as they walked. It wasn't so bad, but she did have a blush when men kept looking at her belly.

"H-HIME-CHAN!" _Aw shit_. Her Daddy was staring at her, having come from what looked like Shika's direction. This wasn't good at all because he noticed the crib then at Naruto. "Kisama…"

"Naruto we're going to have to go my parent's, sorry hun." The two men smiled at her though they watched with wary eyes towards her father. Turning to the man who had given her life she froze him with a look her mother had perfected. "Daddy stop it. RIGHT NOW." The man faulted for a moment uncertain of how to continue. "We need to have a family discussion before this blows up, right now, lets head to the house." She turned to Naruto again. "Sorry again Koishii, I know it's a long way."

"It's no problem, it's not heavy just… big." The three/four blondes began walking towards the Yamanaka clan compound. They were all silent before Naruto spoke up, a little sullenly. "Looks like we'll have to tell them huh?"

"If only you want to, are you… okay with that?" He nodded.

"Yeah, I think so… um just let me send someone to get some things okay?" A new Naruto appeared and nodded solemnly before running off. Inoichi watched the exchange mutely.

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"Oh what a darling little bed! It reminds me of all those movies we use to watch when Ino was just a little girl! Oh what where they called?" Her husband sighed.

"Chi-chan, calm down."

"Mom, please." Oh dear this was going to be one of those serious talks... She looked about a little dejectedly, there had been too much drama lately and she was getting a little tired of it. Not to mention Naruto was being so quiet too, she didn't like that. A man like him looked like he was one to always talk and smile, that serious look of his didn't fit his face at all, neither did his silence. After a moment, another Naruto popped his head in and handed the original a small wooden box before disappearing in a pall of smoke. The tall young man then walked over to the table and sat, Ino practically hovering over him with worry. Her husband followed and soon all of them were sitting around the table.

Naruto's hands stroked the box absently, as if his mind was a thousand miles away, that same look still apparent on his visage. The silence was rather tense, like the calm before the storm. He closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath. When his eyes opened, they were not the same as they were before. While the color nor shape had changed, the person behind them changed. These looked infinitely more… she couldn't put her finger on it, but now she knew what her daughter had meant when she said his eyes could remind her of fathomless oceans.

"You see…" He broke off uncertain. "I had once… " he sighed again shaking his head at his own bewildered state.

"Tell them, like you told me." His Ino, not hers, remarked. He nodded taking a shaky breath, cupping her hand softly. A few moments later, with that same hand, opened the box and softly, hesitantly, pulled out a picture of a bed ridden little girl with the most adorable hazel eyes she had seen.

"Chigusa-san, Inoichi-san. I'd… I'd like you to meet someone very special to me."

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By the time Naruto had finished his story, Chigusa was in tears and he himself close to it. Naruto was wrapped in his daughters arms as they comforted one another and he couldn't find it in his heart to be upset by it. Years as a interrogator, and a ninja during three wars and countless missions had steeled him for such senseless deaths, yet the way the other man spoke, he couldn't really call Naruto a boy any longer, pulled at him. Biological or not, the man before him was a father, like him. Only Inoichi's daughter was alive… Naruto's was not. Inoichi could imagine the pain. Rather easily.

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Rage, anger,! The Kyuubi had murdered his family! The Yamanaka heir readied himself to rush headlong at the monster, to take his hate out upon it, and die trying. Just as he was to leap a giant toad appeared before them, a in a wave of red and blonde hair, the Kyuubi was gone. His vengance gone. His wife, his daughter. Gone. He had…. Nothing. Collapsing to the muddy ground, he wept. Bitter tears mixed with the rain that fell, his voice growing horse from screaming at the world. Then Shikaku was before him, his face horribly torn by the claws of the monster they had fought. He was saying something. His family… was..

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It had been one of the worst days of his life, Inoichi's eyes closed, The only one that came close was still fresh in his mind.

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He and his wife had rushed as quickly as they could when they had heard. Their baby was hurt, maybe even dying. They said nothing, there was nothing to be said, all they could do was get to their daughter as quickly as possible. What they found when they made it to the hospital would remain seared into his mind forever.

"HIME!" Naruto's form hunched over hers as he shook. Sakura pulled him away, and Inoichi glimpsed his baby girl, blue tinted lips curled into a smile as her eyes looked unseeing where her lover had stood. Tsunade and others rushed in blocking his view. But he had seen enough. She hadn't moved. She wasn't breathing. Oh god. He crumpled to his knees as his wife covered her mouth to keep from screaming. Oh god oh god. No. no NO!

"I have a heartbeat!"

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He couldn't repress a shuddering sigh as he fought to keep control. He rose, his legs felt weak under him but he kneeled by the younger couple.

"Naruto." The younger man looked to him, knowing the pain he found there. He wasn't certain who was surprised more when he wrapped the man into a hug. "Son."

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"I told you he was a great dad." They had left the crib at Ino's house, the box with Hotaru's things nestled in it's sheets lovingly, as Naruto's apartment didn't have the space for such an item. Chigusa broke down hugging them tightly for trusting her to hold something so precious.

"You only like him because he accepted you." _Actually it was because he loves you. _He thought softly.

"Is it wrong to want the father of your fiancée to like you?"

"Fiancée huh, so you have interest in marrying me, it sounds like?" Urk. Stupid mouth. Of course he did, but he was worried they were moving too fast.

"Well you ano.. Um." Crud she was raising her eyebrow, that meant the wanted him to answer so he couldn't stutter out a non committal. "…Yes." Hell it was true anyway.

"Right answer." Ino… "But I'm not ready to think about marriage… Just yet." Was she reading his thoughts or something with one of those Yamanaka jutsu's of hers? "So be a good boy and wait for me."

"Forever if I have to."

"Also a right answer." She pulled him close and kissed him with all her passion. "Let's get home, I know something I am ready for. So let's hurry it up, lover."

"Right!"

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Now THAT is an out. I dunno I thought I'd be geared up for writing smut but I made the mistake of watching what I thought would be a happy story with my niece and nephew. I wanted something cute and uplifting to help me write some fluffy quirky happy shit that was funny.

And I made the mistake of picking UP and watching it for the first time. Thank god my niece is a cuddly as I am because Uncle Allan (me) just about cried like a little girl when the old man thought of his wife. I still had to endure my mum basically doing Chigusa's bit from chapter 15.

"_Oh good grief, it's not that depressing. Your being pathetic."_

"_But… but he LOVED her so much and they …" *whimpers and cuddles niece.*_

"_It's pathetic a grown man boo hooing over a cartoon."_

"_But your crying too."_

"_Grandma's a girl, she can. Your just a silly uncle Allan, Uncle Allan." _-_- Traitorous niece.

OMAKE!

_Stupid Ero-sennin! _Why did he hafta shove him off the cliff, He was going to die, dattebyo! _KYUUBI you stupid fox give me some of your CHAKRA! _Blackness over took him. When he awoke he was in his mind… or his head was strong enough to crack stone and concrete and he was in the city sewer system again. He rooted around, dodging large rats, before he came to a large room. Something was moving beyond a large gate.

"_Hello?" _He called out, and a loud, large and rather… unintelligent voice called forth_._

"_Hello, I am a nine tailed fox and you may call me Kyuubi. I do so wish to eat your soul so please come here so I may do so." _There was the Kyuubi… in all his… actually he looked like a retarded dog with extra tails attached with duct tape.

"_What no way! I want you to give me some of your chakra!"_

"_I cannot so do that person who I am imprisoned in, because you-RAT!" _The massive fox pointed like a retriever at one of the many rats running though his mind._ "I want to eat a rat, they look so very good and I do hate them."_

"_Anosa Anosa! If I got you some rats you would give me some chakra right?"_

"_Oh yes, Kyuubi would love little prison person very much and would call him master if Kyuubi could have some rats to eat."_

"_That is WACK, JACK!" _Kirabi exclaimed as Naruto finished his account on how he could control the Kyuubi without any prior training.

[/omake]

Next Chapter: Tests


	17. Tests

Ino's eyes fluttered open as the dawns light broke over the building facing the apartment window, bathing them in a orange glow. Her lover's arms pulled her closer to him, their nude forms sliding against one another. She moaned into a stretch as his hands ran over her arching body and his lips found that spot he so lovingly marked the night before. She gasped as he trailed from the nape of her neck down her shoulder to kiss her arm. The hand of said arm gripped his, blonde, bed ridden hair, then tugged the man into a kiss that made her grip the love stained sheets in rapture.

"Good morning Love." She whispered lovingly to him as she pulled away from the kiss.

"Good morning my Hime." He whispered back, kissing her softly.

Then the sun's ethereal charm faded into the blah yellow tint of day. She was hungry, he was a little smelly, a certain place was sore as hell, and both of their breath stank.

Okay, so the day after of making love wasn't a bed of roses, it took him three tries to get her that 'Screaming Orgasm' that had started this whole thing, not that they stopped at three mind you, and their new sheets had to be washed… really bad.

However, looking into his eyes as she turned to him and admiring the love and lust she found, she knew she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

…

Oh God, that sounded so utterly perky, even for her.

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Fakers!

Chapter Seventeen: Tests

By

Hibiki

"You know why you don't own Naruto, Hibiki? 'Because I'm me?' Right, be less all… of this. 'You just gestured to all of me.' Exactly! Be more like him, Kishimoto." -Hibiki

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The sheets were washed and out on his minuscule deck for the sun's heat to dry, their teeth brushed, and a quick pinch (Lucky ninjas) to a nerve cluster for most of the soreness, all was left was their…

"I stink." He remarked.

"Yes you do." She replied, a half smile on her face as she watched him sniff his underarm like a monkey checking for fleas. He frowned as he looked to her, clearly not finding her amusement at his aroma all that endearing. Smirking he reached for her. "Don't you grab me with that, you jerk! You were rubbing your armpit with that hand!" She dodged and the two of them ran about the apartment, her shrieking as he laughed like a cartoon villain with the hero trapped in some overly made trap. It was utterly stupid, two twenty one year olds running about a tiny apartment like two kids in a playground, but neither one could resist acting like kids with the cheerfulness they felt. She winced, however, when something pinched when it should have pulled and in doing so fell back into him tripping both of them to the floor in a dazed heap. The two breathed heavily at the chase until Naruto rolled onto his back and laughed at the silliness of their actions. She joined in a few moments later. In a quick move, Ino forced his hands above him and held them down. "I got you." She replied as her chest heaved above him, her smile one of victory. Something flickered in his eyes and his hips ground against hers that made her breath quicken.

"So what are you going to do to me." His voice was low, deep and made her grind herself against him. Innocent fun instantly became adult and she dipped her head to steal a kiss from the strongest man in their village, perhaps even the world. The power that gave her, him under her willingly, that soreness be damned. She wanted him.

"Ahem." A soft voice broke over their not so innocent game. A slug, about the size of a small dog was before them on the window seal. Her blue and white body instantly recognizable.

"Katsuya-chan! What's up?" She was Tsunade and Sakura's personal summon, in one of her smaller forms.

"Apparently you, Uzumaki-kun." Oh my he was. Ino licked her lips at the sight as he gaped at the slug, usually prim and proper while the gastropod giggled demurely. "I was asked by Tsunade-sama for you to report to her immediately about some seal you need for your teams second exam I believe?" Naruto's eyes widened at what that mean and he laughed merrily.

"HAHA! I knew my girls would get through the first one alright, dattebayo!" Katsuya giggled again as a groaning Ino palmed her face as one of those stupid quirks of Naruto's (and his mother) appeared.

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Indeed they had, using a skill only triplets or twins could. Haruka had the brains, Haruna had the skills, and Harumi… well Harumi was rather like Naruto when he first went to the Chunin exams. Using a clan developed Kawarimi the girls kept the same look at moments to substitute themselves with one another. With virtually no lag in their visual images Haruka was pulled by Haruna to each sister's spot to fill out their sheets. However for Ibiki's infamous tenth question, Harumi pulled another Naruto tactic, as in royally pissing off the Interrogator by saying 'Whatever happens I will go at it with my team, and we'll make our sensei proud!' When asked who was their sensei, the Haru triplets replied together 'Uzumaki Naruto!' Ibiki wasn't surprised in the least after that.

So here he was, Katsuya sitting like a slimy parrot on his shoulder as he and Ino made their way in to see the Hokage. Shizune was by their side describing the play by play of his team.

"You missed the Jounin meeting last night Uzumaki Naruto, where we would deliver these all at once." Tsunade remarked as she slapped a seal into his arm. The ink flashed then pooled around his wrist. "You better have a good excuse."

"Um well we went shopping you see and we found this crib, it was perfect so Hime and I decided to get it but on the way to my apartment Hime's dad ran across us and got angry well I know why I would be too but he had the wrong idea about us so right before he's gonna start yelling in the street Hime said we had to go to Inoichi and Chigusa-okaachan's place and explain why we had bought it and then by the time everything was explained it was so late me and Ino headed to my place and …" The man gasped in a massive gulp of air before continuing his large run on sentence of an explanation. "the rest of it is private between me and Ino." The two other women blinked as they tried to get all that while Ino shook her head at the heavens.

"Naruto, out, Ino stay, Gossip now." Tsunade ordered. Shizune pulled up a chair. Ino turned and looked to him with a wry smile.

"Guess I have to stay, Hokage's orders."

"But Hime, we um. What should I do until you are done?"

"Why don't you go help Mom, she's stuck in the shop all day alone today." [slam!] The big door closed on his face. Women and gossip he'd never figure it out.

"I guess I'll go help Chigusa-okaachan, I guess. Yeah." Deciding he had nothing better to do, he would at least be the good 'maybe-not-quite-but-hopefully-in-the-future-sooner-rather-than-later-if-he-played-his-cards-right-and-if-Ino-felt-comfortably-ready' son-in-law… Yeah they needed to work on the exact location their relationship was really at. His brain was going to melt if he had to keep remembering all of that.

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"Is that Sanko?" Naruto asked as he looked into the yard of the compound as he arrived. The girl sat her back to them as she threw pebbles into the pond. Her back was bowed like she had the weight of the world.

"Yes, she and her team failed the first exam, if I understood Inoichi and Kurenai-san correctly, she still hasn't perfected the Shintenshin no Jutsu and they caught her using it and tossed her team out. She's been there all morning, I couldn't coax her in for lunch." Naruto nodded.

"Mind if I try and talk to her?"

"Oh course, if your think you can help her."

"Chigusa-okaachan should have more faith in me, after all, I am to be the Nanadaime Hokage (Do we count Danzo as the 6th? I guess I will), it's my duty to take care of all of Konoha." He made a shadow clone then slid out the door for the troubled teen.

"Chigusa-taichou! I am at your service, please tell me how I may assist you!" The clone bowed. Chigusa smirked evilly then held out a rather… girly looking apron. The clone gulped.

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"Hey Sanko-chan." The girl's distant look dropped for shock as Naruto approached her.

"Ah, um Naruto-sensei! Hello!" She rose up to bow to him but he waved her down.

"Hey." He stepped over the log and sat down upon it. "So… You want to talk about it?"

"What's is there to say? I'm a horrible kunoichi. My team must hate me, Kurenai-sensei too. I failed them. I failed my clan, I failed… my father." Yamanaka Santa, Inoichi's cousin, was lost in the fourth shinobi war at the battle of Zetsu.

Naruto was silent for a moment then began talking, his fingers in a cross shape.

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"Tadaima." Tsunade and Shizune should have been interrogators than medics. It was all she was willing to say on the subject.

"Hello, welcome to the Yamanaka Flower shop, how may I assist you today?" A quiet almost humble voice called out, and Ino paused as the voice was familiar but not easily recognizable. Looking up she found a woman dressed in a long almost matronly styled white dress that brought a mature flair to her well rounded figure. Her blonde hair easily reached her waist even with it done up in a pony tail and tossed over one shoulder. if anything the hair style merely showed a long sensuous neck. Over the dress was an work apron more suited to Yamaguchi than the person wearing it. The broom in delicate hands stopped sweeping as she bowed to her, and if one looked anywhere but the girl's face, you would have thought she was adorable, perhaps even sexy in a MILF sort of way. Only the look on her face seemed as if she was beyond ready to commit murder.

"N-Naruto?" The 'girl's smile cracked into a series of deranged chuckles.

"H-hime… help me… When boss went to help Sanko-chan he made me to help your mom and SHE WENT CRAZY!" The clone hissed out. "When I turned into a girl to wear this stupid apron she forced me to do all the rest! She said! She said-!" A snap of fingers made the clone snap to attention.

"SLAVE! Breaks over! BACK TO WORK!" Tears appeared in eyes of the clone and she got back to sweeping, head bowed like she had just been told Ramen had been forbidden in the village. Ino, curious walked over to her mother, who had her feet up on the office desk, reading the newspaper as she sipped tea.

"Mom? Why are you making him do that?" Ino was just a tad bit upset, after all her boyfriend was being more girly than her.

"Well I was going to tease him into wearing it, but then he up and changed into her before I could make him wear it as a guy. I guess I got a little… mean to the dear. I told him that if he wanted me to ever give him my blessings to marry you he'd have to follow my every command. She… he… Oh it gets so confusing, has been great, all the work your father and you do around the shop, even the things that Sanko hasn't been able to do is finished! Not a peep of complaining what so ever! No wages either! Haha! I could get use to this!" She snapped her fingers again. "Slave get your girlfriend an iced tea, just the way she likes it!" The clone nodded, bowed then went for the kitchen in the house.

"Your horrible, doing that to him." Ino remarked when Naruto was gone. Chigusa waited for it. "I want in." Her daughter was so predictable.

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"So you see, Sanko-chan, even if you fail a hundred times or just once, don't think your team, your family would turn away form you. If anything you'd make your dad more proud, by standing up again and giving it your all." It was then her teammates appeared around her accompanied with a shadow clone. As he moved a little aside, next to the dark haired beauty that was Kurenai, Sanko apologized for her behavior and asked for them to accept her back. It was heart felt moment, something he was glad to help in.

"Thank you Naruto." He liked Kurenai, she was the only one who didn't think him a pervert with all those rumors around, still called him after all that had happened just 'Naruto', and had helped the girls when he tried to explain the hazards of being a Kunoichi in the field.

"It's not a problem. You helped me out so many times with the girls it was the least I could do. All I did was point her in the right direction." Kurenai patted his arm then walked over to her team. He might have been taken, happily he might add, but it was kinda hard not to notice that Kurenai had a really nice ass.

"KONOHAMARU!"

Wait that sounded like him… eh, her… whatever.

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"Naruto-baka!" The poor clone snapped to attention. "For your final test of devotion, you must do what the next person to walk into the shop asks NO MATTER WHAT!" The clone's expression turned from sorrowful to hopeful as Ino rose to make her way out the door. She stopped to pat the phony female on the head, to show she hadn't meant any harm. It would be her undoing.

"Uzumaki Naruto." A calm voice broke over the girls and they looked to find a diminutive red head looking at them through dark rimmed green eyes.

"Eh… Welcome to Yamanaka's flow shop Kazekage-sama. How may I assist you today?" Naruto remarked as his Mistress, the Queen She-Bitch Chigusa the Evil, had commanded him say.

"I wish to learn this technique." Gaara pointed.

"Eh?" Ino and Naruto blinked at one another then followed the finger… to Naruto's chest. Naruto's rather prominent and female chest. "EH! W-what!"

"I recently saw your apprentice and his fiancée using this technique in a interesting manner. Matsuri-chan thought it would be appealing to try." Naruto's world cracked. Teach Gaara his first (And possibly most powerful) Jutsu? The one Ino, Tsunade, Sakura, and Ayame-chan had forbidden him to pass on? Just WHAT was that idiot and his girl doing that got… Oh. Oh my… But seriously, The Oiroke no Jutsu? Ino demanded him do the first thing someone asked him to do, he was almost certain she had meant herself but Gaara had appeared. Would she still make him? Would he dare risk not to and loose the chance to be with her? If he did and she didn't like it would she leave him anyway? He was so confused. This was all HIS fault, when he got a hold of...

"KONOHAMARU!"

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Hehe. I have so many ideas for the next one.

Next Chapter: Girly Men


	18. Girly Men

Naruto had a migraine. Actually that is to say about two hours ago he had a migraine, now he had something that sat between splitting the entire continent in half to pounding his brain into something beyond the consistency of strawberry jello.

"I really hate you nii-san. I was comfortable. Me and Moegi had a long night." Bastard had the gall to yawn at him. He and Ino had talked all night in how to handle teaching Gaara in a respectful way, by the time they finished neither were up for a 'long night' and he was late to his meeting.

"This is your fault. If I am to die, then I am dragging you to hell with me." He looked like death warmed over, he knew it. The reason for it was the four men before him. Gaara he could understand. Having asked, and thus been accepted by Ino's gaffe, why his girl refused to admit she was wrong occasionally and had to go through with things a 'oops I made a mistake' would fix.(Apparently Naruto never got that memo) Anyway, Gaara he understood…

It was Kirabi, Ao, and Iruka who had been added to the lesson with Tsunade's order or Shizune's request that had him wanting to let death come. Respectful teaching went out the door when THAT stood before you.

"OH MY LORD!" Iruka was down. Wuss.

Because there were things more hideous in this world than an ugly elderly man coming at you with the intent of lovemaking.

"MY EYE! MY EYE!" Ao was felled by the horror. Wimp.

More deadly than a vengeful Uchiha.

Gaara was frozen… or unconscious standing up. Either way, Pansy.

More terrifying than Ino on her period.

"I HATE YOU SO MUCH NARUTO!" Konohamaru stop dropped and rolled. Weakling.

And that was Kirabi in the sexy jutsu. Which was himself… only with breasts. Muscular, muscular breasts. That wiggled when he flexed. Wiggled not jiggled.

It was a crime against nature.

"I'm so damn pretty when I got myself a kitty~! WOOHOO~!" He even sounded the same.

"I hate my life." And at that moment, he really, really, did.

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Fakers!

Chapter Eighteen: Girly Men

By

Hibiki

"You know I don't even need to put a crappy joke here. This chapter is just too damn weird to even try." -Hibiki, who owns nothing, remarked.

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Ino wasn't certain what she would find when she entered the training ground, despite her and Naruto's discussion about his jutsu. Stacks of porn, them peeping on women by the waterfall, going through Jaraiya's old books and journals. What she found stunned even her.

"No no no feel yourself sexy! Let the sexy FLOW through you, fill your bosom with it. Become that sexy thing you have deep inside of you! …There is no try, only DO."

He wouldn't.

"Come on ladies! Perk those chests up! Tighten that hip, swing out that ass! Size matters not, but do beware the flat side! For it is easy for them to fall, yes, easy to sag. Remember this."

He couldn't.

"Bi for the last time women do not have goatees!"

He was.

"Come on Gaara smile, you're a perky petite little thing that men would adore but that blank look is just freaky! HEY WATCH THE SAND!"

Naruto looked horrible, half annoyed and half upset, the rest worried. They had worked it all out for just Gaara. Her heart went out to her man. Wrapping her arms around her lover, she whispered an mixed hello and apology into his ear before turning to his students.

Iruka was rather tasteful. Hovering at either a big B or low C, the rather average looking not-woman was attractive in a way that reminded her of a long haired Shizune with Iruka's trademark scar. She was the kind of woman men would look twice at, but not ogle, as she walked by. Okay she could accept that, tasteful.

Ao was a little over the top, as her blonde hair had curled around her body, rather like her Kage's did, covering her stolen eye in curls. A sharp pointed chin poked out of her wild hair that drew the eye over a body she assumed only the Mizukage or Tsunade could beat chest wise. The rest was a very sexist statement, but it fit the parameters of the Oiroke no Jutsu.

It was something she and Naruto had worked on all night figuring out. Apparently the jutsu pulled from your thoughts what you find sexy and appealing and took those parts and combined into a figure that used your traits as a base. He made her tingle, when she noticed certain parts of her man's jutsu had changed lately from whomever to her.

Gaara was the biggest surprise in all this. Her hair had grown from it's short almost messy looks to a shoulder length tussle that framed her cute almost childish face. Dark mascara took to replacing eyebrow less coon markings on thick lashes. Her ruby lips were unmistakably Matsuri's and a cute button nose she had seen on Temari finished Gaara-chan off. Her form was the most reserved of all the women present, and all it did was add to her young peaceful look. Possibly an a-cup, she was slim, petite and little, something men really would adore. Damn her man was right. The overall the effect was a girl she could easily admit was gorgeous.

Then she turned to hagitha. No that was being nice… While her tattoos actually made for a complementing wild woman look that fit her weightlifters body, she didn't look feminine. It wasn't sexy, at least to her, because Bi's form was merely a female version of his own tall muscled and brawny male one. 'Her' hair remained at it was, so did her face, perhaps a mark of narcissism? Hell even his goatee remained. Bearded women she had heard of, but Oiroke Bi was fugly.

The five 'women' looked to her as she surveyed the training ground. She sighed. Because of her, this mess had started. So she would help her boyfriend. After all Ino had caused this, she would help. Who better to teach men how to act like women than a woman?

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Naruto stood beside Ino as she directed the men in 'feminine behavior'.

"NO! You can afford to be bashful if something like that happened. Guys come on! You have to act the part! You can't just up and look and sound like a man in a woman's body. Ao, why are you here?" Ino ordered.

"It was my understanding that in learning this I would be able to better protect the Mizukage-sama from hazards. I could infiltrate areas previously impossible for me to enter."

"Okay but if you act like that then you're sunk. If you can't truly get into the feel of it then you can't perform the advanced version of this jutsu. Honey, would you be so kind as to illustrate?" Naruto nodded and brought out a new technique.

"Reishou no jutsu." A massive burst of smoke appeared a scene appeared before them. A group of women sat in a outdoors bath, at the center was Mei and the female Ao. The women were chatting and Mei laughed. Ao remained sullen in the tub, alert for any threat to her Kage.

"Ne, Mei-chan how come your friend is so quiet?" One of the nameless girls asked.

"Oh don't mind Aoi-chan, she's very shy." Mei laughed as 'Aoi' frowned.

'OH! What a shame she looks so cute! I bet her skin is so soft." Before either ninja could start, one of the other women reached out to pat the shy 'girl' on the shoulder… only to have her hand sink into the woman's body. The illusion was disrupted and Ao was exposed to the women whose hand rested on his chest.

"She's… she's.. a HE!" The women all began screaming and hitting the now exposed male as Mei looked on with disgust.

"You failed me for the last time Ao." She leaned in. "I'll kill you."

[poof!]

The real Ao(i) cringed as the scene burst.

"You have to really push your intent into it. Like KI. It helps support the leap in logic your going to do when we step up to the final piece of this jutsu." Naruto was seriously thanking Ino from the bottom of his heart because she was truly making this a technique… not a prank turned attack like he taught Konohamaru. He'd probably been half beaten to death from dragging the men into the women's bathhouse by now.

"Final piece?" A cute but emotionless voice called out. Gaara-chan, their prized student, still wouldn't smile, despite both blonde's encouragement. Naruto looked to Ino as she wrapped her arms around him.

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"Yes, the Appa-henge. Can you show them again?" She asked softly. Naruto nodded and changed in her arms. His mother's face, a body type like Ten-ten's with Shizune's bust and Sakura's ass . As the smoke faded, it exposed Ino's stomach and legs, said girl grinning at the obvious compliments, and finally ending in Hinata's feet. To keep some sense of modesty a orange bikini covered bits deemed 'for Ino only'. Ino brought her focus from her own legs, to the nose and lips, which she couldn't recognize. "Whose mouth?"

"Oh um. You wouldn't know him." Him? "But his name was Haku." Naruto blushed as she realized how that sounded. "Remind me to show you later, I thought he was a girl." She went crimson when she realized that helped even worse. "Uh I… didn't you know… K-kiss him or anything…"

"Should I be jealous some man might take you from me?" She pouted teasingly, knowing her man was very straight… Big long straight… Mmm… Distracted, focus focus.

"Never. I'm yours. Till the day I die." Ah hell, she couldn't resist a declaration like that. Ino pulled her boy/girlfriend into a kiss (Did it count as cheating if the lips were another man's?). When she pulled back a few moments later her face was red from embarrassment.

"I'm all yours... But don't think because I kissed you as a girl means I'm interested in anything. I love my Naruto no matter what, but I want to fuck my _man._"

"R-right." She was blushing at the casual yet crude announcement and apparently Naruto's bikini top didn't have pads… because she was pointy.

"Ahem." Oops. Forgot about them. Bi was wrapping, Ao silent as usual, Konohamaru was bitching about stealing his technique…

"Anyway, Gaara." The two turned back to the red head.

"Are you two done making out, Umino-san is unconscious." Gaara remarked, a few feet behind her Iruka was wiping at her nose, glaring.

"I AM NOT!" And then it happened. Gaara gave the cutest little smile.

"Kawaii!" The two blondes exclaimed. The smile dropped. "Awww." Ino quickly got back to the thrice derailed lesson.

"Come here and feel this." She held out a pigtail of the Gama-sennin's hair, something that normally wasn't there for the Kazekage to feel and see the difference. Gaara went for something else that wasn't normally there.

[honk!]

"GAH!"

"Impressive. It feels real, rather firm. I would have never guessed." Ino blinked. Those, despite not being interested in them, were hers.

"Oh Gaara-chan! How forward of you. I didn't know you felt that way about me! But what will Matsuri-chan think if you leave her for little ol' me?" Naruto commented, biting her finger as she looked to Gaara with 'bedroom' eyes.

"Uzumaki Naruto…" Two points, never spoken, but were inherently understood from that point on. One was never make jokes using Matsuri-chan in her husband's presence. And two, an angry Gaara-chan was a cute Gaara-chan… That is, until the sand came out.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Only joking! HEY JOKING!" And Naruto promptly was chased by a sand storm.

"Idiot." Righteous Feminine Anger was something Gaara had gotten down quickly.

"DAMMIT THERE IS SAND WHERE THERE SHOULD NOT BE SAND! GAARA!"

Aw, that cute smile popped back up.

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"Quit digging in your pants… it's distracting!" Ino sniped at Naruto as she was once again caught rifling around in her new, much more modest (and sand resistant), outfit for the remaining granules of itchy sand trapped in her designated 'for Ino only' zones. The other blonde girl gave her a kicked puppy look, then glared at the smirking redhead once her girlfriend turned away to the others.

"Okay the appa-henge. Let's discuss that."

"I've never heard of this advanced henge before. Are you sure you are not spilling Konoha secrets?" Ao asked.

"No… The chou-henge or appa-henge is really just a different way of thinking for the jutsu. And it requires a massive amount of chakra to form." Naruto responded sitting on her hands in order to resist scratching. "When I was improperly taught the Henge I had to overpower the issues I had with forming it. They never told me it was am illusion that covered you, not a actual transformation. So thinking that a solid version was the right way I focused on ways to make my body into whatever I needed it to be. Since I didn't have anyone telling me I was doing it wrong…" Iruka and Naruto looked sad as the older woman wrapped her arm around her former student. "I just kept going with trying to make the Henge solid. I ended up using… how much was it hime?"

"We estimated the same requirement as an A class defense jutsu." Just about everyone started. Jutsu's had power ratings much like ninja, and everyone knew defense was more energy consuming than attack as it had to be held up for however long to provide protection. A defensive jutsu rating was given by how much power and protection it gave in a ten second interval. An A class defensive jutsu could only be used by a Jounin or a high reserve Chunin.

"And you were using this jutsu before you left the academy Naruto?" Iruka apprehensively asked. Ino had the same reaction last night when they calculated out the various parts of the Oiroke. Shape manipulation and chakra conversion aside, a clone jutsu tended to be about ten percent of the person who creates it leaving 90 in reserve for the real shinobi. It varied from type to type, but the average was 10%. They had spent an hour trying to find out Naruto's limit from when he was a Genin before training with Jiraiya. What they found was that straight out of the academy, Naruto had just about the level as was rumored to be contained in one Hiruzen Sarutobi. Only he had the control of one Konohamaru Sarutobi, at age 8.

By the time of the Pein battle, which changed so very much, he had more chakra in his pinky toe than she did in her entire body now and her reserve was rather high compared to her fellow kunoichi.

Now, five years of his chakra grinding and growing against the Kyuubi's, absorbing a good chunk of the foxes potent chakra, and access to Natural Chakra, his body was literally humming with power. It had left her breathless to think her man's name was so apt. He was a swirling maelstrom, no force could stop him if he wanted. And all she had to do was ask. She wasn't for being dominant, actually him being so in control while they had made love had turned her on just as well as his fingers, but the power she had been so trustingly given by probably the most powerful man the world had seen since the Sage of Six Paths was making her grind against the log trying to stop the desire to take him right then. Gaara, Kirabi, and Naruto's noses twitched and looked to her. And they could tell she was aroused. Stupid containers and their sensitive noses. Iruka, Konohamaru, and Ao thank god were clueless. She'd die if all the men around her knew she was soaking her pants thinking about her man's… manliness. Stupid Konohamaru. She should be home feeling her man's manliness. She bit her fingernail, mindlessly running her tongue over it's tip as she tried to ignore looks.

"Um." Naruto warbled, his thoughts a bit distracted (Good -Ino). "Anyway I found I could make a chakra shell. At first it wasn't all that great, everything felt fuzzy indistinct but the shell was solid. But I learned the harder I 'believed' what I was doing the easier it was to create something that did what I wanted.. And felt." She blushed. Oh yes Ino had fun 'talking' (Read: teasing) about that. Apparently there was a reason for him knowing how good certain things felt. Not that she could, or would ever dare, complain, wiggling again. "It's about intent, like Ino said. If you think hard enough, and push the right amount of chakra your body follows the path of least resistance and you take up space in the shell no matter the size and you feel everything like you always did.

"Bi, I've never done it partially before but maybe this is a way for your brother to regain his arm. If only for a little bit every few once and a while." Ino was shocked by Naruto brining up something they knew the Raikage had been too proud to admit affected his abilities. It was a much sore subject of much worthless research, A had lost his arm in combat with Sasuke, the limb A severed off to keep the rest of him from burning and to remove the now useless body part. So for the last five years he had tried many prosthesis or healings to regain function or regrow his left hand and forearm. None came to an acceptable replacement for him though Ninja throughout the world benefited from their work. "So I'll train you so you can teach him this okay?"

"So he'd be able to use it like his original?" Ino had rarely heard Kirabi sound so normal. Naruto nodded. "For how long?"

"In time he could use it like he never lost his arm. As for how long he could hold it… Ino?" Ino started then ran through a few numbers using a stick in the dirt.

"On our Kage Bushin ratio, a Kage level ninja would be able to use it for a days without using other jutsu. Though like any jutsu…"

"The moment he releases the chakra it will drop." Bi finished. "Please teach me." He bowed lightly.

"You only have to do one thing for me." Naruto remarked as Bi looked at him with an unreadable expression. "For all that is good and holy will you please remove that goatee, your seriously the creepiest looking woman I have ever seen."

So silly was the request Ino couldn't help but break down laughing.

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The group of wanna-be women had disbanded, each knowing all the two Oiroke masters and Ino could teach them. Iruka was the only one who really hadn't gotten the advanced transformation, but only due to his average reserves, something he need to personally work on. Ao's looks would get him noticed a little too much but his reason for doing the rather humiliating training was now possible for him. Chojiro would be insanely jealous when he learned of it. Kirabi, having FINALLY removed the facial hair looked rather like his twin sister than a sexy woman, but it would be enough to fool someone chasing him for enough seconds to take them out or escape. Konohamaru headed off to have another 'long night' with his fiancée leaving Gaara and Ino latched onto the arms of one Konoha Jounin nick named 'The Stud'.

Actually it was Ino's idea to see if anyone could recognize the Kazekage in his Oiroke mode, and to make Naruto a little uncomfortable the two had snuggled up to him. A flustered Naruto was an adorable one, Ino had realized, and she couldn't resist seeing it every chance she got. Thankfully for her and despite his normally aloof nature, the Kazekage had a prankster heart and it was doing Naruto's no good. Ino was great, sexy, and wonderful, if only a little too teasing to him, having her near him was the greatest thing. However, Gaara-chan was really pretty, if one forgot for a moment that she was actually a once blood thirsty Kage bent of feeling said blood splatter across HIS body in a way only one Mitarashi Anko found desirable.

So it was no wonder having 'her' head rest on his upper arm as they walked, that even the feel of Ino's hand in his right wasn't helping him deal with his 'sister's in his left. People were starting to talk about the pretty redhead 'The Stud' had bagged, jealous stares from women as they looked at her and who she was with. The most blush inducing where the loud threesome comments that thankfully were sparsely spoken as they walked. Had either of his pervy teachers been alive, he would never have heard the end of this.

"Gaara-chan!" Matsuri was ahead of them waving. Gaara slipped from his grasp to stand before them. Shyly playing with a lock of her hair, the 'girl' thanked them.

"Mmm, Naruto-kun, Ino-chan, I had a wonderful day. Thank you again." That cute teasing smile appeared and she bowed, making Ino and Naruto blush despite knowing full well there was a laughing male Kage under that sweet demeanor. As she brushed her right bangs out of her eyes past her ear the girl gave a 'blush' then walked to her wife. The two blondes stood woodenly long after the red head and her lover had walked out of their vision.

"I've created a monster." He remarked finally.

"Yes you have." She agreed. He sighed looking at the sky's waning light then to his lover.

"Let's go home." Taking in her appearance in the orange glow of the setting sun, he couldn't help but admire her. "I'm ready for a nice 'long night' with you."

"Good because I played with my girlfriend all day long with her weird friends. I'm more than wanting my man." He pulled her close kissing her deeply, holding her against him, as he kissed her with a ferocious need.

"Your man wants you too." He replied that sent a thrill down her body.

"Race you home lover." She started running and he waited a moment to admire the sleekness of her legs as they moved. Oh yeah, he loved those legs.

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AN:

All these she and hers were killing me! Argh. This didn't flow out as well as I hoped. I dunno I had like four good jokes then the rest was crap. Bah. I sounded like a technical manual though one piece. Bah! Oh well. I'll try and just go with the flow more next time. I just need something to really make me laugh and find humorous to throw in this. Driving helps and be doing a lot of it Monday. So bear with me, I finally tripped a little in this story. Looks like I might brush the dust off Memories and see if this fic helped get some juices flowing.

Next Chapter: Trials


	19. Trials

There had been no word from patrolling Anbu and Chunin on team seven since they left gate 28 into the forest of death, he was watching for a messenger hawk or fidgeting with the seal on his wrist nearly constantly. She knew he trusted them completely. Having seen his team in action once or twice she knew they were efficient and quick but like any father who let their children stay over at a friends for the first time he couldn't help but worry about them. His hair blew in the evening air as he looked distantly towards where his girls could be fighting and dying, it was a heartbreaking scene, but she knew when he needed her, she would be there. Until then, this was his burden. His trial.

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Fakers!

Chapter Nineteen: Trials

By

Hibiki

"The characters ain't mine. I don't know kung fu, and I have an obsession with a singing computer program. I'm an otaku. Sue me and I'll make Miku yell cutely at you while I try and find two pennies to scrape together as a beat." -Hibiki

AN: A little more 'Memories' like this chapter, but after the insanity that was 18, I can't help it. 18 was just too weird even for me.

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The first day of the second exam was filled with the fiasco that had become known in the village simply as 'The Stud-en-ing'. It wasn't even a damn word but everyone was saying it. He had went with five men to a far flung training field, some of these men had been there during the 'Great Naruto Glomp' a few days back, one was even the husband of one woman who joined into said hunt that followed the GNG. It must have been some epic battle, the village was in a flurry. Ten hours later only he left (Apparently the four ladies were better disguised than she thought or people were truly retarded in this village), and in the company of two beautiful women! It CONFIRMED their beliefs, that Naruto's abilities were a true legend. For his member could only be 'The One'. Ino could already see the new name adding to the already long list for Naruto in the bingo book. For Naruto and her, it was simply the Oiroke training day. So chaotic it was, that when they arrived home, their 'long night' melded into the second day.

And what a second day it was. She decided she would use all that excess energy he had and keep him… 'occupied'. Her hope was he would be so exhausted by the end of it he wouldn't be able to move let alone think about what could be happening out at TG-44. It was selfish, it was unfair to the girls risking themselves, but she could honestly she needed it almost as much as him. The past week had been one of the most terrifying and every moment she had with him made her feel alive and thankful for it. So she made the day for her and him alone, clothing very optional. What she learned from that day was most, if not all, of this bingo book entry… was entirely true, though she could admit she was very biased on that point. He wore HER out, and then some. One minute her man would be so forceful he had her a slave to the pleasures he was giving her, then the next minute he would turn around and make love to her so tenderly she cried from the intensity of his worship to her body. He'd run his hands and mouth over her body pleasing her only for her to do the same, dueling one another in the sexual arts till they lay unable to find the strength to move in the evening. She doubted she could handle another day of this, let alone take the chance the Haru triplets wouldn't get to the tower while they were caught up in their own pleasure. One moment screaming his name, the next naked on the floor before his girls. One day was risky enough and how far she was gone that day, there was no way for her to be careful if an all day sex fest happened again. So, like any time she needed help, she turned to the one woman always there for her. If for nothing more than a day to sleep in. Her man's stamina would be the death of her, but lordy what a way to go.

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"Wow, Chigusa-okaachan! I didn't know you knew any jutsu! That was cool!" Chigusa blushed a little at the attention her pseudo son-in-law was giving her as she ran her fingers under the flowers. To Naruto's amazement the petals began to slide open and the aroma of the blooms ushered from the plants to fill the shop with their pleasant fragrance.

"Well, it's not all that known anymore but, in the early days of the second shinobi war a former Kusa nin married into the Yamanaka line. Because of his former allegiance he was forever banned from active duty. Back then the Yamanaka clan were rather poor and small, so when the Kunoichi became pregnant with Ino's grandmother, they worried about how they would support themselves. Using techniques he had developed in Kusa, they started the store you stand in today. Those techniques are passed down in the Yamanakas as part of the clan. Even for those who never gain the bloodline, or married into the clan like I did."

"Oh…" He looked intrigued but his face tempered now. She didn't live with mind readers for the last twenty five years and not learn a thing or two, and right now the man before her was looking very indecisive.

"Have you given any thought about what we talked about that night?" When Naruto had set up that crib in Ino's old room Ino had stayed down talking to her dad about things while Chigusa had followed him up cradling Hotaru's things. As he cleaned up the crib Chigusa brought up a question that had remained with him since.

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Running his polish soaked rag over the wood of the crib he smiled as it's original gleam came to bear.

"So Naruto-kun, does this mean you and Ino have something you want to tell us?" Ino's mother watched as the young man, despite the pain he had shown earlier, now smiled as he worked on the crib before him.

"Umm. No, we… haven't had se… I mean I'm sorry, that's not proper… I know how Yamanaka-san might feel about that." He trailed off when Chigusa began laughing. When she calmed down enough, though the smirk never left her face, she answered his unasked question.

"You do know me and Ino's father were in each other's pants long before we even started dating, right?"

"Eh?" Naruto couldn't picture straight lace Yamanaka Inoichi jumping the gun and having relationships before marriage. Given how the man acted at times, he thought him more traditional than Hyuuga Hiashi.

"Yup, you see as the male heir in a clan, Inoichi was to find someone of lower nobility to have her marry into the clan, but high enough to keep the prestige of clan up. He was all set to marry some prudish daughter of a noble low in the daimyo's succession, despite having never met her before. Then one day after a bad mission he came into a bar where I worked. He was rude, so of course I treated him like a prick until his team left. I thought I had seen the last of him, but there he was the next night, and the one after that. Over and over, we bickered and argued whenever I passed by. I began to wonder what was it he hated about me so much to keep coming back. It was as if he had come in every day just to piss me off it seemed. After a month I was so angry with him, so tired of fighting, that I was ready to just quit or have my boss kick him out… When it happened."

Naruto was watching her intently as she sat down on the bed beside him.

"One day I was there waiting for him to come in so we could get into it like always, when he just didn't show up. At first I was so happy, he had given up his little grudge or whatever he had, but as the night rolled on I just couldn't concentrate. It made me think about how gotten use to him just being there, and then when he wasn't, how much I missed him." She shook her head in thought. "It pissed me off so much, that he would miss our fight like that. So like an idiot, after work, I tracked his ass down. When I did I was shocked to find him looking so sad. I wasn't certain if I wanted to even mess with him, but that temper I am sure you've seen in my Ino came out and I started into him. So stunned by the fact I had found him just to bitch at him he let me yell myself out.

When I finally ran out of steam he just sat there looking like I had grown a new head before he asked me two questions. 'Why are you even here and why spend all that time looking for me?' I blurted out the first thing in my head. 'I missed you.' I couldn't believe it, for a month I had wanted him to leave me alone and the moment he does I couldn't stop thinking about him. But his face, I'll remember that look till the day I die. That was the first time he gave me _that_ smile. His whole face lit up, and before I knew it the moron kissed me. I actually punched him so hard I had him flat on his back from shock. I thought I was in so much trouble, a civilian hitting a clan heir like that, but he just started laughing. Something about it struck me and before I knew it I was kissing him, one thing led to another and well. That was our first night together. After a few months he demanded they let him date me instead, the other woman be dammed, well the rest is history. So, no, I 'deflowered' your girlfriend's father long before he got close to marriage. Good thing too he sucked at sex until we got a bunch of times under his belt."

"ah." Naruto shook his head, some things were best not to think about.

"Hmm, sorry I'm sure hearing about two people going at it like…" and you could see the words in Naruto's head just blaring 'lalalalalala' to keep any more thoughts of the two elder Yamanakas sexual moments out. "Hmm. Where was I, oh yes. It seems to me you have something planned for my daughter, if this crib is any indication." He was silent for a moment then smiled softly

"To be honest, I would like to. I could see her as my… wife. I like the thought. To BE her husband, for real not those stupid rumors. I love her, Chigusa-okaachan. I can't fight how much I've grown to love her since that night. I'm can't help but want her, but are we rushing things? After how messed up things were for us before, I don't want to do anything that might hurt her."

"That's a very sweet and noble thing, but in love, it's not about being noble. Not really. I wanted Inoichi, all of him, to make him no one else's. That's a very selfish desire. I know about Shizune, Naruto, so I don't know if I can be any help here, but I think you have a shot. Just think it over. We've been through so much in the last few days, it could be so easy to either want to rush things like this or hold off."

"Shizune and I… we knew it was never going to happen. The few things that did happen, are as far as it would ever go. She could have gone on with her life never once looking back at any time. Before Ino, she was really the only one I would be willing to talk to about it all. I'll always love her, but it's changed. Ino gave me something more, and it grows every day. When she said yes to buying this crib, it made me think of what we could have, of what we could make together. Just imagining putting our little girl or boy into this bed, where their big sister can watch over them, the feeling I get is… I can't even think of a way to SAY it! It would be… my greatest wish." Chigusa smiled softly at his words.

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"Yeah." He looked at the flowers he was fiddling with, not wishing to look at her. "Did.. Did you mean the things you said two days ago? About not letting me…" Before he could finish Chigusa swept him up into a motherly hug, her hands rubbing his back softly.

"Not a single word of it. I'm so sorry, honey. I didn't mean to upset you." She felt horrible. "I tease… It's… It's just how I say, I love you… I guess I'm still good at making men worried about how I feel about them." She mumbled more to herself than him but to her surprise his arms came up around her and he hugged her back.

"Thank you… Mom." Her eyes welled with tears as his voice spoke that three letter word.

"No, thank you." She hugged him tighter. "Son." After a few moments she let him go, carefully wiping her eye free of any signs of her happy distress. It wouldn't do for him to see it and worry about her. He had enough on his plate as it was. "So, it's a little early, but I think it's safe to let you learn these jutsu. Would you like to? Their pretty harmless in combat but it will help if you want to make an arrangement one day. Perhaps for a special lady when you ask for her hand?" His face broke into a smile much like the one she had fallen for all those years ago as he nodded. Her Ino was lucky. This man was definitely a keeper.

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Despite how happy he was when he came home to her, and how passionate he had been during their lovemaking, she soon found herself laying alone in their bed, with him watching the forests off to the north, waiting hoping for a sign from his girls.

She slid out of bed, and waited at the sliding door watching him. After many minutes he turned and held out his hand. She took it letting him pull her into his lap.

"Should I be this worried about them? Was Kakashi or Asuma ever this worried about us? Am I even cut out for this? I'm scared Ino. What if I failed. What if they weren't ready for this? How can I be this way when one day I'll be sending people I know out to missions they will easily be killed on."

"When that day comes, remember this day Naruto. I want my baka to remember that he has every right to be worried and scared. Because even when you are the Hokage, you will have to let the people you love take these risks. Like me. There might be a mission where my expertise is needed and you'll have to let me go. Even if I am your wif-lover, this nation will depend on you to do what is best for it. That is the why Tsunade had you take on a squad before she continued your training."

"I know. When I realized that I would be sending the girls there a few months back I realized why Baa-chan did what she did. It doesn't change the fact I am worried about them."

"That is something you should never change. Ninja are not tools. I doubt you could think that if you tried, my loveable ba… Naruto your seal." His eyes darted down as hope filled him. The seal was blinking red. They had made it in.

"You want to come?"

"I wouldn't mind, I'll be there anyway for the elimination rounds tomorrow." There was a tug.

"Hold on, thank god we decided to keep our clothes on."

"He thanks god, I feel ugly now."

"Ino…" He kissed her softly then gathered his chakra.

[POOF!]

191919191919

The scene they found was not encouraging. The three girls, two supporting one, were covered in cuts and bruises. Their outfits were torn showing shallow cuts all over them but what worried the two Jounin the most was the amount of blood flowing from the side of the center sister.

"HARUKA!" Naruto captured her as the other girl's collapsed in exhaustion. Ino rushed over to him, her hands instantly covered in the classic medic suture/scan jutsu.

"Sen…sei. How'd… you know it was… me?" The injured girl remarked as she smiled through the pain as Ino began probing the wound for slivers of metal. His words caught the scratchy lump in his throat as he held her against him, his eyes moving between his panting tired girls.

"Because… you are all my darling students who their sensei knows very well. And is very proud of."

1919191919

They had rushed to team seven's designated room, laying Haruka upon the bed as the now unconscious girl was worked on diligently by Ino. Though harsh, what Ino was doing was against the Chunin Exam regulations, all injuries sustained in battle must either be treated by someone in the team or the team must withdraw from competition. They are suppose to be rendered no aid until the end of the elimination round. It was why Sasuke and Naruto were allowed to complete their fights despite both being under seals sustained by their battle against Orochimaru.

However it was easily seen Haruka would not survive if left un attended in that manner though her sisters had done their best to stop the bleeding. Harumi had ever had a transfusion going when they made it to the tower. Ino refused to let the girl die, as a former medic nin, the urge to heal was still ingrained into her, and this girl was a special case.

It would take them long into the night to make certain she would survive it, but Futowari Haruka was apparently a fighter, and despite all the trauma and still tenuous repair work, she followed her sisters as they made their way to the main hall, where Tsunade and the rest were waiting for the Eliminations.

1919191919

**Futowari Haruka**

The computer finished randomizing the first name and Naruto's hand clenched. His face grew taut as he realized his still heavily injured Genin was going in with the worst odds. The other girls all seemed pale too as they looked to their sister.

**VS**

Ino's frown deepened as she watched the girls and their Jounin sensei. With 15 other genin, and that wound in her side would limit the girl far too much, if she pushed even a little, she could easily rip open her side and that would kill her. She had already gone above the approved limit in healing her as she did, but she doubted anyone here would be upset, and frankly neither she nor Naruto would care if they were punished. Haruka's life was more important than some stupid exam. She only hoped the opponent would give the girl a chance to surrender.

**Futowari Haruna**

"What?" Naruto's stunned whisper echoed in the silent room.

1919191919

So. Chigusa accepts Naruto. Naruto gets the bleep fucked out of him, and Haruka is injured badly. With just a day left Ino and Naruto work on healing them, despite rules, they keep Haruka alive. Forcing herself to the elimination round Haruka is picked first… to face her sister.

Yeah this was a odd one, not too funny, but I had fun writing it because of the fluffy Mother Son scene. And it really makes me want to write a Inoichi: Chronicles chapter about Inoichi and Chigusa's first month of knowing one another. Me and my gal met like this. Only I was Chigusa and she was Inoichi. I dunno if I can ninja it up or not.

Speculation For Fakers!: Marriage in Naruto and Naruto: Fakers!

Some of you might ask, will Naruto join the Yamanaka clan since Chigusa taught him the jutsus? Some have asked for Naruto to reveal he is a Namikaze. I'll let those who asked that know now, I've always been more of a stickler of the older traditional Japanese method of marrying into the wife's family if she is the last of her line, like Kushina was (I assume). In Naruto I've never seen anything to support either the more traditional or more western adaptations, and that's really the only reason I can tolerate Naruto Namikaze, because he is an Uzumaki to me and it would be beyond rude to me to forget his mother, and her family by just up and changing that suddenly like I have seen in a few. Since Ino is the heiress to the main line, should she wish to remain so Naruto would thus marry into her family and take her surname. Yamanaka Naruto. If they wished to consider Naruto as part of a clan and is the heir to the Uzumaki of Uzu no Kuni/Namikaze-Senju of Hi no Kuni lines since there are other Yamanaka's she would marry into Naruto's family and someone, like Sanko or a closer blood relative, would become the next heir. Ino would become Uzumaki Ino. That is to say any child Naruto and Ino might have could take any name under them, and continue that line, even be a Yamanaka though now of a much lower branch. As in, while ½ Yamanaka the child's blood would be less pure than that of a second branch Yamanaka. Odd semantics and many things I assume I understand. It's a rich culture and hard to truly get the little bits but I try. I've probably beaten this out of proportion by fitting my naïve American ideals upon it. But it's how I swing. Left and low…. Wow that sounded bad. never mind

Anyway this was postponed by some things happening in RL like the fact next week I will be in Vegas at a business convention so updates though I will try and keep writing will not happen until I get back next Friday. I'll try and get out as much as I can before then. I don't really have much in the way of path for this story… kind of why it has flown so well, I don't try and divert it onto something else.

Next Chapter: JANKEN


	20. JanKenPo

Two pairs of violet eyes stared at one another as Kotetsu waited a moment to begin the match. One set, a mixture calm and pain. The other, worried. Two sisters, teammates, now against one another.

"It's not fair Ruka-chan. I don't want to fight you."

"It's not our place to choose, if you don't want to fight then give up, like a weakling." Haruka's words echoed loudly in the room, making her sisters flinch. "You are the more skilled and less injured, Haruna, you have the advantage. If you don't take it you're a coward, and a fool who doesn't deserve the title Chunin. You'd just be too weak."

"...I know." Shame filled Haruna as she looked down.

"Even if I die, I will fight you." Haruna's face rocked back up in shock as horror filled eyes took in Haruka sliding into a stance. Slowly, hesitantly, Haruna took a matching one.

"BEGIN!"

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Fakers!

Chapter Twenty: Jan-Ken-Po

By

Hibiki

"Kishimoto owns Naruto. I own a Cat. He makes a fortune and I get hairballs. However we both deal with a bunch of shit." -Hibiki

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"…As you embark upon this path, as Ninja of the leaf." Iruka finished to a mostly bored class. On the third row on the right of the walkway, three identical girls sat listening. Well one was, the other was drawing something in a notebook, while the other… "FUTOWARI HARUMI!" Snapped to attention saluting Iruka as she looked about bewilderedly from her nap.

"Yes Iruka-sensei?"

"If you had been paying attention you'd know we are about to pick teams." Blushing at being the center of attention she laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of her head, as she sat down.

[bonk]

"Ow!" She winced looking at the fist that had rapped her cranium.

"Baka-neechan." Her always calm, studious, 'older', sister; Haruka remarked. The shaking, ebony, hair of her 'middle' sister caught her eyes as she looked to find Haruna laughing. The second oldest never seemed to be too far from a smile, no matter how serious the moment was.

"I wonder why Rumi-chan has to sleep so much here when she is always very energetic everywhere else?" Haruna giggled out while huffing a stray hair out of her face, Harumi propped her chin as she watched the Chunin below her begin to call out names.

"Iruka-sensei's rather boring. He brings out the need for sleep when he talks." Yawned the youngest of the triplets.

"… and Yamanaka Sanko." Iruka's eyes cut to them. "Team Seven will be Futowari's Haruka, Haruna, and Harumi. Your Jounin sensei is-!" The door slammed open and a figure stumbled through as if he had run from somewhere. In a flash of yellow and orange the man slammed head first into the ground. As laughter broke out, including from Iruka, the scarred man pointed to the figure groaning before his feet. "Him."

_'We get some clumsy idiot?'_ Echoed through their minds as the blonde haired man sat up rubbing his nose.

"Ne, Iruka, am I late?" Iruka shook his head, sighing.

"Your early, Naruto." The man's eyes glanced over the room then onto them, and the triplets found themselves looking into the clearest blue eyes they had ever seen.

"Wow, their prettier than their photos." Laughter rang out again as Iruka pinched his nose and the girls blushed.

_'A clumsy, perverted, idiot!'_

"Team Seven with me!" He rose, showing off just how tall he was compared to them and made for the door. Uncertain how they felt about their sensei, the three girls slipped out, trying to ignore the laughter and yelling of Iruka behind them.

202020202020

"Sorry about that, I forgot I set my alarm early after I turned my clock back as well. I didn't want to be late like my sensei was." The man was rather handsome, with unique markings on the side of his face. The girls knew his face, but they couldn't place it. "Since we are all here and it's only proper to get to know one another, I'll introduce myself and tell you a little about me. My name is Uzumaki Naruto, Heir to Tsunade for the title of Hokage, Gama Sennin, and container of the Kyuubi no Kitsune." The girls faces dropped. The perverted clumsy idiot was THE Uzumaki Naruto who had saved them all during the Pein invasion! The Hero of Konoha and the 4th Shinobi war! "My likes are Ramen, my precious people, and toads. My dislikes are the three minutes it takes for Ramen to get ready, those who would do harm to my precious people, and Ma toad's cooking. My goals, are to become the Nanadaime Hokage… and something a little more… Personal." He blushed at that and the girls eye's narrowed.

_'Probably something perverted.'_ Again the trio thought.

He pointed at Haruka.

"Your turn." and Haruka began.

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"You all ate, didn't you?" The girls nodded agitatedly as the man finally appeared. "When I did this my sensei told us not to, then didn't appear for another two hours." Dumbfounded, they were upset he had not appeared for almost ten minutes after they had arrived, and couldn't imagine waiting so long for him.

"Why did you not do what he did, Sensei?" Haruka finally asked as he set down his items.

"Well, he did it to try and weaken us, make us work the way he wanted us. So I thought that it would only be fair to let you try at full strength, the way you would like to work. After all, you wanted this, it's why you are here, you should have the best shot at it…" He laughed and smiled at them in a way that made their faces red. "… And besides I can't help but be nice to such pretty girls."

"Perverted idiot." They mumbled.

"So! Here's the test you have to pass…" He began.

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"Well done ladies." He remarked, the bruise on his cheek a sign that despite his experience the triplets had proven their mettle along with the bells in the panting girls hands. "You certainly have a good teamwork." He paused, as if considering something. "Like janken."

The trio looked at one another to see if the others had understood the meaning of his bizarre words. What did they do that reminded him of a child's game? Thankfully he saw it and explained.

"You each have your strengths and weaknesses. Everyone does, but you all compliment each other's strengths and make up for your weaknesses. Haruka, you are like paper. Smart, but not forceful. Haruna, your like scissors, you have the skills, but your not tough. Harumi…"

"I'm tough and forceful?" She asked eagerly.

" And she's dumb like a rock!" The two other girls remarked, giggling as their sister turned red with anger, then shrieked as she began chasing them angrily.

"A bit of both actually…" Naruto remarked to, thankfully, no one.

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"Jan here, target sighted."

Their first mission. The true bane of all Genin of the leaf, some said it was the reason for Konoha's abnormally strong ninjas. Legends spoke of it being immortal, a demon. From the earliest days of the Konoha ninja first crawled from the recesses of the forest, it preyed. Stronger than any Jounin, faster than any jutsu, able to out maneuver a squad of ANBU, these legends of this beast were told all throughout the elemental countries.

"This is Ken! I just missed the little bastar-!" Static erupted from the radio.

[wham.] A distant sound. Huh?

"OW… Stupid nee-chan."

"Poo here! I got him. What a sweety!" He sighed and activated his radio.

"Haruna, It's Po. Po. Not Poo."

"I like saying Poo!" He rubbed his forehead to keep away the coming headache.

"Nevermind. Did you get him for real?"

"Yup Me and Ruka-chan got him. He likes chicken!" This he had to see. Within minutes he came across the three girls cuddling with the most powerful animal since the Kyuubi. Despite the graying hair, the old red ribbon on his ear was a dead give away.

The Ichibi no Tora.

"We'll I'll be." He remarked as the cat purred in the lap of Haruna as it ate from Haruka and was petted by Harumi. Never had a team caught the furball from hell so quickly. As he leaned in, Tora apparently recognized him.

[SLASH SLASH SLASH!]

As blood began dripping out of the irritatingly deep claw marks on his face Naruto tried to remain impassive.

"Yup. Target confirmed. Jan, Ken.. Sigh.. Poo" Haruna gave him a pinball smile that had him grinning despite the pain. "Good work." The smirk fell into a proud smile when the girls cheered.

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"Okay girls gather round, we're going to read this section on the tree climbing exercise before we try it. It helped my old teammate Sakura before she tried." He sat against the tree, the girls on either side of him as he began reading it to them. As they asked questions he began pointing it out to them, and them leaning in see what he was looking at. As the lesson came to a close he found himself surrounded by girls on every direction. Blinking he looked down to Haruka, who was sitting against his chest. "Um."

"This was the most productive place to gather information." It didn't stop her from blushing though.

"Yup, your definitely Paper-chan. So let's begin the exercise, alright ladies."

"Hai Sensei!" They remarked and the three began as he watched them all, a small smile on his face.

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His girls rested up against him as he talked to them about the water walking exercise. Ever since the tree climbing lesson, when they had a discussion, this was the end result. Him reading to them lessons, them leaning against him as he talked, him even ruffling their hair when they answered a question right. They said they hated it but the smile they got when he did it always warmed his heart. They trusted him, respected him and wanted the same in return. Something he gladly gave, as in the weeks since they had started together as a team, they had grown into his darling students.

"And so you turn your chakra rotation in time with the cur… hey you all awake?" He wasn't that surprised. They had worked hard to complete their tree walking today they had pushed their limits. He smiled softly picking up Haruka as two clones picked up the other girls. "I know I pushed you girls, but I'm very proud how you all did."

"Mmm… thank you… sensei" Harumi mumbled then hugged her clone and drifted back asleep. The three men smiled at one another before they began their trip to drop off their students.

20202020

The girls tensed as Kotetsu slashed his hand between them, yet neither moved. Haruna took a deep breath then smiled. Haruka smirked in reply.

"You thinking what I'm thinking Jan-chan?"

"Apparently so Po-chan." Haruna pouted at the missing 'o' but couldn't keep the smile off her face. "Ready?" She nodded.

Their right fist swung in time with each other as a might cry of "JAN KEN PO(O)!" broke forth ending in a massive pall of smoke. When the smoke cleared both girls were breathing heavy, their right hands extended while their lefts held different half hand signs.

Haruka looked stunned as she held out scissors, Haruka was breathing hard while she held out paper.

"Why… why am I still in this spot… why did you make yourself loose, Haruka-neechan… why… Why did you block the Kawarimi? I was going to let you win!" Haruna cried out.

"Because… I love my sister, and I want her to succeed. Because I know she isn't weak… or a coward." Haruka gave her a weak smile as she held her side. Haruna nodded sadly, accepting Haruka's wish.

"WINNER! Futowari Haruna!" Kotetsu called forth as Haruna ran over to hug her sister as Medic nins came for Haruka.

"Well done ladies." Naruto's soft voice broke over them as he landed beside his girls, ruffling their hair gently. Both girls made half hearted motions to stop him but both couldn't deny the happy smiles he received in return.

"Arigato Sensei." Haruka was guided away, as her sisters and Naruto watched on.

And thus ended the weirdest match since the Naruto Fart of '68.

202020202020

"Tsunade-sama." One of the medic nins who had examined Haruka approached. She leaned over and listened as he whispered into her ear. Tsunade's eyes narrowed and she looked to Ino for a moment then to Naruto. Ino sighed as she realized what that meant. Her healing had been noticed. She expected it though.

After all, only four people in the world healed wounds like that.

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I had a Kishimoto moment. Where he goes into tangent/flashbacks about sub characters, giving them back-story on how they fit into the main storyline. Haha! Careful what I wish for when I think about writing. Oh and it's The great Naruto Fart of the 168th year of Shinobi, if you count backward using my hundred and some odd since the start of the Shinobi age thing i use. not 1968. God that would be weird, 60's Naruto. Though his jumpsuit wouldn't change. Very psychedelic.

Next Chapter is undecided, either: "The Inoichi Chronicles: The Moron and the Nag" or "Daddy's girl"

Either one will probably be the last for a week. Man that's gonna drive me nuts, not being able to see how well the chapter did for an entire WEEK! It's you folks that keep me writing! Thanks to all my fans! Dattebate! ... meh still looking for the right ending for that. It'll be important for this fic later on.


	21. The Punishment

"EHHH?" Two voices shouted over the peaceful village of Konoha, sending birds into flight, sending a horde of ninja onto the floor from there beds in alert, and releasing the Ichibi no Tora from his mistress' arms to terrorize another hapless Genin team. Standing before the Hokage, a tall woman with flaxen hair and a chest that made women jealous everywhere, were another pair of blonde persons. Even taller than the Hokage, the sun kissed man looked on weakly to his platinum haired lover as she panted from her emotional outburst.

"What's with this a 'ehh?' stuff, honestly?" Tsunade questioned as she wiggled a slender digit in her ear to remove the ringing from it. "It's perfectly legitimate. While everyone who knows understands and applauds you both, the fact remains you two broke the rules… again I might add. Since you two… well you Yamanaka have had an almost perfect record,-"

"Oi." The man remarked but was ignored.

"-the council and I can only summarize that this is the brat's doing, guess he's filling you full of other things too than just his-!" Tsunade's cheeky grin was lost as two voices a hundred times louder than before broke over her.

"TSUNADE-SAMA!/BAA-CHAN!" When she climbed back up into the room from the resulting shockwave, the grin and her good humor was wiped from her face.

"… As I was saying… The council wants to revoke your license Naruto, and suspend Ino's indefinitely. Their reasoning is that if another village had found out that Haruka had been healed and given the unfair advantage then it would put Konoha out of favor with many villages, perhaps even our own daimyo. The council wants you both to be punished severely."

"Why does the civilian council hold that much sway over Ninja affairs?" Ino rebutted. Tsunade sighed.

"We've been at peace for nearly six years and the world wants to forget that fourth war ever happened, so as the formal treaties were signed every village allowed a civilian council to gain a percentage of control of it's shinobi forces to prevent more people like Orochimaru, Madara and the Akatsuki from being created. With a partial civilian government it allows a breaker if a Kage decides to suddenly go to war without prior ratifying it without any warning." Tsunade sat down crossing her hands before her mouth, resting her nose upon it as she continued. "It's not a fool proof method by any means, and it slows important decisions down some, but at the moment it seems to be working. So when two upstart Jounin break a century old rule that everyone followed in front of almost the entire world, the council wants blood." Tsunade's posture changed as she softly spoke out. "Though this course of action is a little extreme… But you know who all is on the council, Naruto."

"Un." He nodded, his face was rather hollow, and reminded Ino of his days in the academy. "Most of the people on it… still think of me as… Kyuubi."

"Naruto…" Ino's heart hurt seeing the expression and knowing that even after all he had done for the Village and the world, some people couldn't see past that monster in his gut.

"You should be lucky I was able to lower your sentences as I did."

" I am… But still… Why does Naruto have to go to Suna NOW? His team needs him here. Haruna needs to be trained for her finals, but more importantly the girls will need him. All of them! (Her included) Damn the council if he misses our baby's day!" Ino's palms slammed home on the desk again. The room look stunned.

"Ino…" Naruto blushed at the vehemence of her words as she spat them out without care at her Hokage. Tsunade's stunned countenance changed to a warm smile as she shook her head.

"I knew I liked you for a reason, Yamanaka. This is really all a formality." Tsunade relaxed as she sat back into her chair. "The Suna nin who beat Harumi, had Harumi been the one healed, would have been at an unjust disadvantage had she won. After a stupid long winded speech that ran in circles for hours (You could tell she enjoyed it) a vote was cast and ergo they say he was wronged and to keep the hidden Sand's council from starting a long and costly legal dispute that will drag our face in the mud we have made a compromise." The Hokage held up her hand to avoid another Ino outburst. "However the training Naruto will give him is only to help build his connection to the wind, and Naruto is required to return to Konoha before the 14th. Under no other circumstances is he to remain in Suna, bar an attack."

"Baa-chan." Naruto's voice was laced with thankfulness but Tsunade once again cut him off.

"You will be escorting The Suna team, Temari no Sabaku, Matsuri-sama, and the Kazekage back, they leave in two hours. You're dismissed. Stay safe, Naruto, and hurry back."

"Un." He nodded, taking the scroll. "I'll see you at home, hopefully Hime." With that he hopped out the window.

"OI! How many times must I say use the damn door you brat!" She sighed as it was a hopeless gesture to try and scold the man before turning to Ino. "Yamanaka Ino, Your suspension has been reduced to a week, from at which time you may begin training Team Seven in their Jounin sensei's absence. Oh and I'll look the other way for a moment if you want to get to him as fast as possible." Tsunade smiled in a way the other woman understood. "Two hours isn't a whole lot of time to say goodbye." Ino blushed, bowed.

"Arigato Tsunade-sama!" With chakra powered jump she raced after the blonde man.

"Hey wait!" Tsunade huffed, hands folded under her impressive chest, eyes closed, and smirked. "I can't believe it. He's got another one using the damn window now. Not bad, Boya."

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Fakers!

Chapter Twenty One: The Punishment

By

Hibiki

"Haha here, plot mine here, haha here, Kishimoto characters here. Haha hehe hoohoo." -Hibiki

212121212121

As Tsunade had predicted Ino found herself desperate to hold onto him, and two hours flew by in an instant.

"I need to go." He remarked into her hair as they lay in their bed. "Gaara and them are waiting on me by know."

"I know." She kissed him again. "Come back soon."

"I'll do my best." He brushed his lips against her forehead then rose up to get ready as she watched him. He paused a moment, watching her intently till she began to fidget under his stare.

"W-what is it?" She questioned, fiddling with a lock of her undone hair.

"I just want to remember how you look right now." He smiled. "Because it's what's going to get me through this week and a half from you." He kneeled down beside her, taking her hand in hers, as he leaned over her form and gave a long kiss. "I love you, Ino. With all my heart."

"I love you too, Naruto." She tried to ignore the tears that began to pull in the sides of her eyes as he rose back up and headed for the door.

"Be safe."

"Hai. See you later."

Within moments the door closed in the small apartment. Silence ruled the dwelling until a soft voice called out.

"Stay safe."

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"Your late, Uzumaki Naruto." Well it was obvious who mentioned that. Only..

"WHY ARE YOU STILL A GIRL?" Twin beams of aqua peered up at him thick lashes fluttered as his angry yell broke over her gentle curves. A slender pair of arms wrapped around the Yondaime Kazekage's supple form.

"I wanted to… talk, hehehe, with my wife this morning. And we made a bet." Her wife smiled up at Naruto, a small blush on her rather satisfied looking features. Ooookay that was a little too much to know. TMI TMFuckingGodDamnedI. However, this bet thing sounded promising.

"A bet?"

"Sure I'll tell you on the way."

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"You are correct, Dear. This is most annoying. There is sand in my vag-"

"GAH GAARA I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!" Really he didn't. Hell, he was already halfway through developing a sound proofing seal after last night… because… no matter how hot two girls going at it sounded (only thing better sounding than a girl moaning in pleasure is more girls moaning in pleasure), knowing **who **was going at it freaked him out to no end. "I did make a monster… only..." He had picked the wrong one.

Matsuri was a freaky little nympho… that had to be distinctly known by half of the elemental countries by now. Naruto shivered as he remembered her last offer… Yeah last offer. As in more than one. In fact one or all of the Sabaku in the traveling group had come on to him in one way shape or … form. He shivered again. While the idea of the Kage Bushin used in such a manner was sort of something he and Ino had done that one day, however using it on the Kage and her wife was… No. No no nono. There was one place his thing was not going. … Though Matsuri had mentioned her as-ah... No! Bad Naruto Ignore. Resist. Wait... was she shaking it at him now? God dammed, no wonder he was thinking about it.

While his Ino had some kink and boy he liked that about her, Matsuri was really corrupting Gaara with hers. Sure he was more open, friendly, and less likely to wrap you up in sand and squish you, but seriously there was a level you just have to say no to. And knowing your best friend didn't mind experimenting and wanted you to help him explore his feminine side really put a damper on an already craptacular mission.

Stupid Baa-chan and her bingo book entry.

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Well I am back. Just a short one, as I spent most of my time doing my convention duties (Forgot about those) and I decided to wait on Daddy's girl and Inoichi Cronicles (Mostly due to there being gaps where I have no idea how to go to one idea to another) and go on this new tangent. Daddy's girl (Should be obvious what it is) and The Chronicles are still being worked on and should appear after the Suna arc.

Anyway, got a few awards in the convention's contest, lost some money on slot machines (DAMN YOU VEGAS!), got sick on good food and will probably end up being shown driving by half of next season's 'Cops: Las Vegas' arrests. I dunno I have odd luck. Or the Cop with the camera guy followed me about. I'm such a hardcore manga dealer. Snort that Naruto. Heh. Sounds like something Matsuri would try. (I dunno why I made her so… interesting but I just picture Hild from Ah Megami-sama as her base in this.)

Next Chapter: Suna Arc 2: Name Undecided.


	22. I Miss the Rains down in Konoha

Sand pelted the side of his tent with a steady lulling rhythm in the morning's surprise sand storm. Desert nights were cold yet for some reason his body was surrounded by warmth. Soft firm warmth that latched onto him.

To his left, Blonde

His right, Brunette

On his chest, Redhead.

Wait what?

"Good morning lover." The three whispered, satisfied smiles on their faces as they leaned in to give him a kiss.

"GAH!" Naruto jerked awake sitting up alone in his tent panting. The dim morning light was more prone to the sandstorm that had plagued his dream than the early hours meaning he would have to get going if they were to make it to Suna soon. The sooner in Suna the sooner he could return to his beloved, the only woman he wanted in his dreams.

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Fakers!

Chapter Twenty Two: I miss the rains down in Konoha.

By

Hibiki

Naruto is owned by Kishimoto Masashi. I own some Naruto manga I bought. I think that still might be owned by Kishimoto Masashi though. So yeah Naruto isn't mine.

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3rd of July, Kaze no Kuni.

"Uzumaki-san, can you create a barrier long enough for us to pack up?" Baki asked as Naruto rose from his tent into the flat nothingness that gave Suna it's name. The dryness of the air seemed unnatural to the man whose life was spent in the humid climate hidden in the leaves, and the lack of color made him uneasy. He shook it off like he had before and nodded. Making a trio of Kage Bushin to bring down his own tent he walked towards the western side of the encampment towards his temporary student who was using the moment to try and increase his skill, as Naruto had directed him last night.

"Good morning… Kojiro." He thought that was right.

"It's Jiro. Yamada Jiro." The rather unremarkable kid with the unremarkable name replied, rather… unremarkably. In fact he was so plain it was unnatural. If Konoha's average ninja was somewhat tall, black haired, and black eyed, then Suna's was someone short, brown haired and brown eyed. Yamada Jiro was average in every sense. So average, Naruto was having issues even remembering his name.

"Okay Kunta Kinte, I'll support you as we expand this, get ready."

"It's Jiro. Yamada Jiro."

"Now, Heero!" Naruto cried throwing his hands up to shield the entire camp sight from the blowing wind.

"Sigh." 'Heero' sighed.

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8th of July, Konoha, Training ground three:

Ino's weeklong suspension was over, and she and Naruto's girls were in the thick of training. The week had allowed the Futowari girls to heal up nicely and while they were depressed by their Sensei's punishment, Haruna and Harumi especially. Knowing that he was having to train the person Haruna would face first, knowing he would refuse to give half ass training, left them worried about the time they would have to train with their sensei. Despite that, Ino was pushing them hard. The amount they had already learned was better than what she and Naruto had gained under their adequate but mediocre sensei's. And let it be said that she loved Asuma-sensei like a second father, she knew his training of her team before their first Chunin exam was sub par, and only after the invasion had it been stepped up.

Of course all of them, Asuma especially, had something worth training for then. Looking at the sisters as they sparred against one another using what she liked to call their weakness points, she wondered if Naruto was their reason for being so strong. Not his training, but him especially, like Asuma was for her, that made them push.

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"So troublesome, I am heading out, I have a B mission ahead of me. Chouji, Ino, Asuma. I'll see you later." Shikamaru waved, having gotten use calling Asuma by his name not as a sensei in the year or so since his promotion to Chunin. Chouji also moved aside.

"I promised my family I would help them repair from my cousin's first attempt of the Baika no Jutsu. So I need to leave as well. Ino, Asuma-sensei, I'll see you later." Waving goodbye the large teen headed out after his friend. That left the smoking adult and his platinum haired student.

"I suppose you and Sakura want to hang out?" While he didn't show it, Asuma was definitely a little put off at the fact his two male students had left so abruptly. Given Ino's usual drive it was only a matter of time before she left as well. Yet to his surprise Ino continued her kata.

"Nope. I want to get stronger, sensei. I'm not letting forehead beat me. When that idiot get's back and team seven starts going after Sasuke I'm going to be strong enough to help them! I'm not letting Sakura win without a fight! Not as a ninja and not in love! So get off your butt and let's train Asuma-sensei!" The son of the Third looked at his student as she panted out her demand, his cigarette hung loose in his lips before he nodded, steeling himself.

"In that case, get ready Ino, we're going to work you hard." He rose, popping his knuckles and neck before dropping into a stance. Ino blushed as she realized he was finally taking her seriously. She nodded and took a stance as well.

'Thank you, Asuma-sensei.' She thought warmly as they raced forward towards one another. 'I'll make you proud of me.'

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Sakura had still beaten her in medical jutsu, so her final promise to Asuma couldn't be reached on that end. So when that avenue reached it's peak for her, she switched over to her father's career field. T&I was definitely up a Yamanaka's alley more than a medical field. She learned more jutsu and had gained more strength as a trainee interrogator than she had as a high level medic. Not that being a medic-interrogator didn't have it's bonuses, she could heal and torture the same victim over and over again, she could heal teammates injured, and generally be a great use to the village. She felt vindicated in the respect that her initial reason to get stronger she had beaten Sakura as an overall ninja, not just Asuma's medical jutsu promise. It felt a little hollow to her but it was the best she could do. As for her and Asuma's promise in love, both at his death and when he met them on the field during the 4th shinobi war. She knew she had won hands down. Naruto was all she wanted in a man.

And there she was thinking about him again. Dammit. It pissed her off, that Suna brat had taken her man away from her and put him in the arms of the 'Green eyed sandy backstabber' as her jealous mind had dubbed Temari. Had Ino known of Temari's kinky step sister and her outgoing Kazekage brother she would have refused to let him out of her sight, but for plot's sake she didn't. It was bad enough there had been two 'fox' hunts since he had disappeared that night Shizune had given him up, all of whom had been instigated by that pink eyed harlot Kurotuschi or that sluttish Mizukage Mei. Thankfully it turned out to be a benefit that he was gone because they scoured the village on a massive scale during the second one. The girls who knew of Ino being his had turned out to be a godsend. Sakura, Shizune, Ami, Moegi, and Tsunade had helped her stay out of harms way, and finally and abruptly stopped it. Ami squishing the Mizukage between her massive bosoms and talking in a cute cuddly voice about calling her a bubbly pet was probably more the cause as Mei had kept her distance from the giantess since and Ino was keeping close to her dear friend for it.

"Hey hey girls! How are we doing today! Working hard for Boss?" Moegi, age nineteen, had been proceeded onto the field almost a full two seconds by her bountiful breasts. Ami, also a stacked knockout, had issues making it through the fence that kept TG-3 apart from Konoha. The Futowari's slim petite forms jerked to a halt as they eyed the two rather hefty girls and their… monumental mammaries.

"Haha! You three cuties sure are putting in a lot of effort, trying to get that little sexy's attention away from Ino-chan?" The big gal laughed good naturedly. Ino pouted and walked up to her tall friend and her boyfriend's underling. Getting chest to chest (or stomach… stupid Ami) with them she gave a glare and a thrust of her rather impressive rack to show her tata'd dominance. You could say it was just something women did every now and then. Kinda like guys who piss at urinals, and check out the 'competition'. Not really understanding it, the author realized it fell in amongst that meaning of going to some hot spring and compared how 'soft' skined (Bust wise) girls were, but this wasn't that sort of fiction.

"You two are disrupting my student's training, so either shut up, help, or leave." Unbeknownst to the trio of ladies, three rather plainly endowed girls all looked to one another, patted their rather normal sized bounties and wondered jealously if they would ever gain such impressive cleavage.

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Futowari Haruko sneezed. So strong was the sniffle that she nearly fell over as she stumbled in the center of the market. When she arose she noticed most of the shop keepers had fallen over, and more curiously they seemed to have all bled from the nose. Though they all bounced back quickly from their mass faint, they all seemed rather excitable afterwards, and to her surprise the men gave rather shocking discounts. Such sweet people, though she worried about their health, hers included. It just wouldn't do any good to catch an illness. Perhaps it was too cold to wear her favorite spaghetti strap blouse so early in spring after all. But it made her feel good to be able to fit in something so tight, it had been her favorite since before she had her girls.

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11th of July, Suna:

The orange sun rose, bathing the land in dark yet matching colors. A sandstorm in the west was all that could be seen from the top of the Kazekage tower were two blonds sat.

"It certainly is beautiful." Naruto remarked softly.

"I love when the sun peaks over the wall at this time of day. Shikamaru liked it too because any clouds that would form here during the night would still be hanging around."

"This place is too dry for them to stay during the day huh."

"Yeah." Temari remarked proudly as his wind training had definitely helped him understand the dynamics why, something she had taught him after the war. She tried not to sigh as she knew he was about to leave. "You sure you need to go?"

"Yeah. Thanks for letting me see this before I head home."

"We are only going to be two or so hours behind you, it doesn't make sense to me why you would leave earlier than us. I bet… whatever his name is would miss you too, so why not stay and go with us?"

"I doubt…. Kiro? Kuro? Whatever his name is will miss me… and Well… I have someone waiting for me. Someone I cannot be late for."

"Ino." The woman remarked, a little jealously.

"Her too. But Ino would understand. No, I need to be there formy Hotaru, like I am every year. Because, I don't want her to think her daddy forgot her." He smiled, a strong, honest smile, at Termari's stunned look. "I lost my little girl on the 14th. So I make sure she has me there every time, because I made a promise."

"I… I never knew." Temari looked back to the clouds uncertainly. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be." She turned to catch a rather poignant smile slip over the strong one. "I feel horrible. I only had her two years, but my precious people don't know her at all. They should. Yet, I was scared, so I didn't tell anyone about her. Like I was ashamed to tell anyone, as if she didn't exist. It's not fair to her, I'm a horrible father."

"I very much doubt that." She sat her chin upon a knee as she looked out at the rising sun. "I bet you loved her so much you wanted to never loose how much she meant to you. The village is different, but you didn't want to loose her if someone decided the 'demon' shouldn't have a child. It's something Gaara has mentioned once, when Matsuri had a pregnancy scare, that our village would reject their child. Hurt it."

"He never mentioned this to me…"

"He must have known how you felt, and didn't want bother you… It was around Sasuke's attack. I'll tell you what I told them.

"To hell what anyone else thinks. Love your child like you want, be proud when they do well, be sad when they are hurt or make a mistake, but never hide them away. Because Aunty Temari will be there to kick anyone's ass who dares hurt my little niece or nephew."

"I bet Hotaru would have loved to play with her 'Aunty Temari'. She's rather outgoing, a little crude, but very sweet." She laughed softly at his soft barb.

"I would love to have met her. I can tell she was really something special by that smile." Naruto's smile was once again that warm open one he reserved for his two ladies, not that he would have known it.

"I love her, very much. I'm so proud how she fought what the doctors said and so happy she was my baby girl. Adopted or not, she was mine. My precious daughter, no matter how short I got to be with her." Temari blushed at his words and complexion in the dawn light. He was very attractive, for so many reasons.

"I wish you could stay here, I'd love to be able to make you smile like they do." Naruto laughed, not so much at her words or anything and given how carefree the sound was, Temari could find no urge to be angry by it.

"As tempting and nice as that offer is, Ino would be upset, and I don't like being a rebound off Shikamaru." Temari flinched. "Besides. It's been bothering me more and more… But I miss the rain. I don't think I could stay." The blonde female sighed remembering a certain pony tailed man's words.

"'I miss the clouds over head. It would be too troublesome to leave them.' Or something of the like he said. I haven't spoken with him since. He probably hates me by now."

"Not at all, I'm sure of it. Hey Temari. You know the easiest way to get him back?"

"What?"

"Get his mind off those clouds and onto yours. He'll be so focused on you could do anything you want to him."

"Damn Ino for taking you. Your pretty damn good at making a girl feel sexy. So you like my breasts huh? Wanna try my 'clouds' before Ino takes you for good?"

"Urk." Naruto's form began inching away from the woman as she cupped her cups and hefted them in his direction.

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13th of July, Konohagakure:

"Uzumaki Naruto, reporting mission successful. Kazekage Sabaku no Gaara will be arriving tomorrow morning however has mentioned will be occupied with family matters until the 15th." it was all really formal, but they weren't going to take any chances the damnable council would use a sloppy report to bust Naruto back to Genin or worse.

"Mission results accepted, well done Uzumaki. Now drop the formalities and go see your girls. They're at training ground three, Ino and the a few others there helping."

"Hai, Tsunade-baa-chan!" With a salute he was gone.

"Hey use the DOOR DAMN YOU! NARUTO!" All she received was a cackle of laughter. "Idiot."

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It was raining softly as he made it to Training ground three, and what he found was utterly bizarre.

"What the hell kind of training is this?" Naruto remarked as Ino and Moegi were found laughing as the giant form of his friend rocked his three adorable students like teddy bears smashed against and between her mountains. Much to their utter humiliation.

"MY WIDDLE BABIES!" Ami remarked in a baby voice.

"This is most distressing."

"I wub you too, BUT LET ME DOWN!"

"I HATE YOU ALL! I WILL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"

"Even me girls?" Naruto finally called out catching everyone's attention. The violet eyed genin turned and shouted as one.

"SENSEI!" Ami dropped the girls with a smile as they all ran to Naruto's open arms hugging him as he pulled them close.

"I missed you girls, how are you. Haruna, you feeling okay? Ino and them treating you right? Your training going well Harumi?"

"Hai, we're doing alright." Before they could say more Naruto was grabbed by the nape of his neck and smooshed between mammoth mounds.

"Look at da keute widdle Jounin! Just what I always wanted! I will hug him and squeeze him and call him Ruto!" Naruto gasped as he was rocked back and forth like a small child. But all he could see was twin cornflower blue eyes lancing into him.

"ha ha Ami, now I think someone needs to be said hello too before she kills me. Then you won't have a Ruto to hug and squeeze." Naruto was set down before Ino, who waited only until he opened his mouth to glomp onto him, knocking him over latching onto his mouth with hers as she ground her body against him, heedless of those around them.

"Wow, Boss nice!"

"Oh my, you two get a room."

"Ino-Sensei is very glad to see Naruto-sensei."

"Haruna-chan wants a man like that too!"

"Sniff sniff… Senseiiiiii… I wanna kiss and be with sensei toooo. Please Onee-sama let Harumi join in! She can have Sensei's horse co-"

[Smack!]

As Ino's tongue dueled his, Naruto could only enjoy the rain as it fell onto the back he was caressing. Even the usual smattering of words by his friends and students melded into feeling he had then.

That he was home.

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AN:

The dryness of a desert after leaving a hot humid place like where I live throws one for a loop and truly makes you wish for the rains one gets here. That is why this popped up in my head during my trip to vegas. I hated the desert and it's dryness.

Yeah sort of late but getting past the first moment took more effort than I had, so I turned to others. It seems like I can start a fiction, but as I near those last few chapters I hit road blocks. I think it's the part in me that wants to keep getting positive reviews and praise for my work that does it. Despite me knowing people like the story I always worry about possible negative reviews, or worse yet, no reviews. A problem as I know for a fact that's not a good mentality to have, but I've always had it so I doubt that will change.

Just three or so more chapters in this story. Not that I really planned it out but I can't see myself going further with it, I'm hitting road blocks as it's getting harder to keep the massive flow that was going on coming. My muse must be dying or worn out from me using her like I have this last month or so.

And no one of those is NOT the Inoichi chronicles. That will be the last thing I put up. Much like Kakashi Chronicles being between Naruto and Naruto Shippuden. Anyway hope you liked it. Review and let me know what you all think, the more reviews the more energy my muse gets it seems.

Next Chapter: Daddy's Girl

Till then, see ya.

PS: If anyone asked why Haruko got what she did, even Naruto was impressed with her chest. So think about that in a noodle strapped top and you'll understand why she got discounts after bending over from a sneeze. Haruko is a milf boooy~!


	23. Daddy's Girl

"Good morning, love." Ino softly called out as she rose from their bed. Her Naruto stood upon the small porch looking out at the village they had saved countless times with an unreadable expression on his face, though it softened as her arms wrapped him up against her as she rested her chin upon his shoulder.

"It's a beautiful day." He remarked softly.

"Just perfect to go see our light bulb." Naruto's hands slid down her arms and cupped Ino's in his, squeezing softly.

"Yes." He slid her bang aside to kiss her forehead tenderly. "Let's get ready."

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Fakers!

Chapter Twenty Three: Daddy's Girl

By

Hibiki

Ami, Hotaru, the Harus and a few others.. Like whatever his name is… are mine. Naruto and Ino and the others like them are Kishimoto's. We can trade… but I have a feeling no one would want to see Yamaguchi in Naruto for real.

AN: This one ain't so funny or happy, so ye be warned.

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Black civilian clothes, rather formal but still simple, clothed their forms. While Naruto's pants went to his feet, mimicking the first Shinobi who walked the path they did, Ino's fit the classic Kunoichi with shorts, though their tops were matching. Little was said between then two, as nothing was really to be said, and soon the two began walking down the stairs. Yamaguchi merely gave a subdued good morning as he saw their garb, and watched as they made their way down past him. Standing in the street, waiting, was Naruto's 'family' of Konoha. All dressed in their mourning clothes it made people pause and whisper.

Ino would have questioned why, but she had learned that this was the first time Naruto had walked to the cemetery.

"_I don't want to hide her away any longer, so I'm not hiding away on this day either."_

Naruto said, and it made her smile remembering Shizune's words to her. That he was getting better.

Tsunade, Shizune, Iruka, nodded as Keiichi ran up and was taken into the arms of his Uncle Ruto. They slowly made their way down the road a short ways until they stood in front of the closed Yamanaka Flower Shop and the two figures who where awaiting them. Yamanaka Inoichi and Chigusa joined into the precession, but only after Chigusa had hugged her 'son' and handed him a bouquet he had requested. Whispers and pointing followed the entourage as they moved through the village. Standing at the entrance of burial grounds were the Sabaku. For once it wasn't just The Kazekage and his wife, but all the Sabaku. Temari's customary black dress was more somber lacking it's more cheerful ornamentation, and even Kankuro was out of his face paint. They nodded or shook hands with Naruto, the girls giving him hugs.

Naruto's mask, one of indifference, fell as he looked into vast field of white markers that made up the civilian section of the cemetery. Turning to look at Ino he gave a slightly watery smile.

"Can you… give me a few minutes alone with her before you all come?" Ino nodded, choking back the tearful lump that threatened her seeing his face right then. "And let Sakura know she can join in. She's in the tree behind us." With that he turned and began walking into the marble strewn grounds. Ino turned to Tsunade and nodded.

"Sakura." The Hokage remarked and the pinkette landed before then, also garbed in black like the others.

"H-hai Shisho." She looked over at Ino, then down at the ground ashamed at following them.

"When Naruto broke that night, he was mumbling under his breath wasn't he?" Tsunade, it seemed, had figured out why. Inoichi hid his eyes remembering his baby girl's eyes looking at nothing with that death smile.

"H-hai. He said he couldn't loose Ino too. Not like his Hotaru." She frowned. "I was curious, so I looked into the archives. I found only two female Uzumaki in the city. One was his mother. The other…"

"Was his adopted daughter." Ino remarked, she felt a little upset her best friend would snoop like that, but she couldn't blame her for it. Had she been in Sakura's shoes she would have done the same. Sakura flinched at Ino's words. "She passed away today, three years ago."

"I realized, right before Sasuke's attack, Naruto just disappeared. When he reappeared again, that… dammed smile was back up. He wouldn't talk to me, and shied away whenever I asked. I was so upset, but now all I can do is feel horrible for cursing whatever had pushed him away. I wanted to make amends. I was going to ask for f-forgiveness when I saw you all. I'm sorry to have intruded on something so p-personal." She bowed and turned.

"Come on forehead." Sakura stopped and looked at Ino stunned as the blonde woman smiled and held out her hand. "I know your idiot teammate wouldn't mind you seeing our girl."

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The only sound other than the wind was the soft grind of gravel as he kneeled before a small marker, brushing the remains of a few lily petals from it that had fallen from an adjacent monument, before looking at the name upon it.

Uzumaki Hotaru

A whirlwind of memories, and emotions filled him.

"_Thank you Uzumaki-san" A small brunette smiled happily from her bed as he brought her, her favorite dish. "I really appreciate it."_

"_I'm glad! And stop calling me Uzumaki-san, I'm starting to feel like Sandaime-Jiji! Eat up, so you can get strong and we'll have you our of here soon! Dattebayo!" She looked a little sad then nodded bringing her hand up and clenched it._

"_Right! Naruto-san!" He smiled as she grinned, a fire finally lit on them again._

…

"_I'm afraid Kirukio-san, that your condition will only diminish from here on out. The chances of you living are incredibly low. At this point we can offer a painless release, to allow you to sleep away the pain." Naruto's hand paused at door handle as the two doctors that stood inside told that sweet little girl she was going to die. He grew angry, that they would just give up on her._

"_I don't care! I'll keep trying! I'm not giving up! Because as long as I try I have a chance!" He smiled, though that pain she was giving up, and slammed open the door._

"_OI! What kind of doctor are you to just tell Hotaru-chan that she's not able to get better? A load of crap!" Hotaru's angry face fell to a happy one._

"_Naruto!" She cried as the tall rather imposing man pushed up his glasses to get a view of the intruder._

"_Hmm, Uzumaki-san… You must be the one filling this poor girls head with false hope, somehow I am not surprised."_

"_Shut UP! She's not poor and it isn't false hope! If Hotaru-chan thinks she can do it, then who are you to stop her! I know Tsunade-baa-chan is working on a way, so just shut up and leave if you're going to do nothing but hurt my precious person." The doctor and his assistant frowned at the boy._

"_I think you are the disruption in this place, so unless you are a family member then I will demand you to leave and not return here." Naruto's anger only increased knowing Hotaru didn't have anyone else so like he always did, made a rash decision that would change his life._

"_FINE! I'm march right up to Baa-chan and demand to adopt Hotaru! I'll be her Papa and get rid of you! Just you wait! I'll be right back Hotaru-chan, I swear it!" The teary eyed girl in the bed smiled and nodded forcefully._

"_Hai, Naruto-papa!"_

…

"_I love you Papa! This is great!" Hotaru exclaimed as she enjoyed her eighth birthday. Tsunade, Gaara, Iruka and Shizune were there with smiled on their faces, as the little girl played with all their presents. "Ne! Papa! Come feel!" The man walked over and his daughter put his hand upon Shizune's bare and swollen belly, much to his hidden desire and embarrassment. "He's really kicking! Koff koff I can't wait till I meet him!" She coughed out as her ribs twitched. Shizune quickly hit a few buttons on the device next to Hotaru's bed, increasing the already ample dose feeding into the little girl's upper arm. Unbeknownst to the young Uzumaki, Shizune's worried countenance turned to her master and the two medics shared a guilty look while Iruka turned away unable to look at his former student in the eye as Naruto glared for a moment then turned his smile, a true one, to his baby girl who he loved. Gaara watched on, dispassionately._

…

_His breathing hitched and his words were cut short as his little girl writhed in pain, her cries hurt him almost as much as what he was going to have to do. His hands were shaking almost as bad as the ones he held, waiting for the pain to pass. But it wasn't passing. Fresh tears began running down his face as he realized he couldn't do anything._

"_It hurts so much daddy. Please make it stop." The tears in her eyes, the sharpness of her breathing did little to hide the resigned look in her eyes, the pleading. He took a shuddering breath as he tried to find the courage to let her go. She couldn't hurt like this anymore, not for any selfish reasoning he had. He finally nodded._

"_O-okay Hotaru, Daddy will make it s-stop." He took her hand in his kissing it softly rubbing it to his tear stained cheek softly. "Daddy's so proud of you for trying as long as you did, and he loves you so very much."_

"_I'm s-sorry d-daddy."_

"_Oh god b-baby, you have nothing to be s-sorry for. You don't realize how h-happy you make me. D-don't worry, where…" He forced the words past the clamp that had grabbed hold of his throat. "Where you're going, your other family will be waiting. I-it's not going to hurt there. You'll be able to run and jump just like everyone else."_

"_A-are you g-going to be there d-daddy?" He desperately wished he could be, to say goodbye to this godforsaken place that would hurt her like it had. But they needed him. He shook his head, hating himself for disappointing her._

"_No, honey, I can't go there just y-yet. I need to make certain no other little girl is hurt like my b-baby has been." She struggled against the pain, unable to move truly, but he knew his girl nodded._

"_I'll m-miss you daddy." Shaking his head against the urge to scream, his sobs were forced down to keep her calm. He had to be strong for her, like he always had been._

"_I'll miss you too baby, so much. I love you. I love you so much." He stood up, brushing her bangs from her forehead to give her a kiss as his other hand hit the button for the machine. She's jerked a little and he cried out with her before he slid back, his hand running though her hair as he watched her slowly drift away. Her eyes found his, and she gave him a smile he would remember forever, then just as quickly as she entered his life, Uzumaki Hotaru left it. The tears, the pain, the love for his little girl came to a head, and Naruto kneeled over her again, holding her head against his as he screamed to the world for taking her away from him._

…

"Hello baby." He called out, half expecting to hear her voice, yet all that remained was the stone. Every time he visited, he always hoped for some sign that she was here, but only for a moment, because he would realize that where ever she was, so long as she was happy, he was glad. "I've missed you. So very much, Hotaru. Maybe more than I have ever in the three years since I last saw you. Daddy's… very sorry he was selfish, and kept you all to himself. Ino, you met her… when daddy was so scared he lost her too, your mommy, has been helping me. It's still hard, to talk about you, but please don't hate daddy." He was trying so hard not to cry, ashamed of himself for treating her like he had, and guilty for hiding her away. "Please forgive me. Your new Aunty Temari finally kicked the sense your mommy was giving me into my head finally. I'm not going to be selfish anymore. I want the world to know about Uzumaki Hotaru, and how strong she was, even until the end."

He put the flowers across the base and gave a kiss to the top of the monument.

"I'm still keeping my promise. So don't worry. I'm also… I'm happy, so don't worry. You're mommy Ino has been making me so very happy. I hope one day soon we can make her your mommy for real."

"Mommy would like that a lot. Hey light bulb." Ino kneeled beside him also giving a small kiss to the monument. Sakura kneeled on the other side and bowed softly.

"Hello, Hotaru. T-this is your aunty Sakura. I'm so sorry for blaming you on making your daddy sad. He loves you very much. I'll make certain he's okay, so when you meet again one day, he'll have nothing but happy stories for you."

"Hey squirt." Tsunade put her hand on the monument and wiggled it, as if she was ruffling Hotaru's head in her standard greeting they did when Hotaru was alive. "I know I know you hate it, but I can't help doing that, I miss you."

"It's Shi-chan, Hotaru-chan. I'm doing okay."

"Hotaru-onee-chan! Hi again!" Keiichi waved, but at his age didn't really understand what was going on.

"Hi Haru-chan. It's big brother Iruka. I'm still keeping Keiichi and his mommy safe, don't worry I've been keeping my promise."

"Hotaru. These are my brother and sister. Temari and Kankuro." [bonk] "urk"

"He still forgets me, Hotaru-chan, it's Aunty Matsuri, hope your doing okay!"

"Hey Hotaru, if anyone ever messes with you just let Aunty Temari know, she'll even kick the shinigami's ass."

"Temari language… Hey squirt, nice to meet you, ditto what my sister said."

"Hello Hotaru, this is your mommy's mother and father, even though we didn't get to know you, you are our grandbaby, and we love you, for making our boy so happy. And for loving our baby girl." Chigusa put a comforting hand on the trembling man before the stone. "Be happy, little one."

Naruto couldn't help it. Hearing everyone and their words to his little girl, he broke. Tears and

"T-thank you, m-mina. Thank you for taking care of my baby girl!" Ino's arms pulled him close as Sakura rubbed his back. Chigusa squeezed his shoulder. "Thank you… for loving her too. Thank you… thank you…"

Done-232323-Done

Yeah this one really made me feel like I did in 'His Firefly' and not just because the final flashback was the scene Naruto talked about in 07, but I brought out a lot of things that pulled at me like they did in that one.

Not funny was this, but then again 'Daddy's girl' was never going to be. It was a chapter about Naruto accepting he doesn't need to hide away his feelings for Hotaru anymore, and that his family, though odd, would be there for both of them. As I wrote this more people were added. And Sakura's placement was from before the monument to a tree outside the cemetery. The last bit is cheezy, but I stopped and though about it. People are cheezy anyway so why the hell not. Uzumaki never seem to do traditional, like come to a cemetery and pray for happiness to their ancestors and lost loved ones. So it fit.

Read and review, let me know what you think.

Next chapter: His Home, Her Home, Arguments

Till then, ja ne.


	24. His Home, Her Home, Our Home

Life went on, much as it always did in the Hidden leaf village, after the 14th of July. The Chunin Exams came and went, with Haruka not advancing so she could with her sisters. Naruto and occasionally Ino training them to make the next one, in which they passed with flying colors, and Naruto watched proudly as they accepted the flak jackets like any father seeing his daughters graduating would. Ino was promoted to head lead interrogator temporarily due to Anko returning to the village a little excited. And apparently an excited Anko make Ibiki's disappear for a week straight before ending up in a hospital for a month due to rather… interesting wounds adding to his already scarred person. Naruto, frankly, didn't want to know.

With the girls promotion, Naruto's ascension date was set, and with all the added duties on both had put some considerable stress on the two lovers and their chances of seeing one another outside a few rushed minutes. They talked about plans, but nothing concrete, and it was from this, our story ends.

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Fakers!

Chapter Twenty Four: His Home, Her Home, Our Home

By

Hibiki

"I could have bought the rights to Naruto… but my lawyer would have charged me 3 million in legal fees. It's what I get for trusting a tow truck to do my legalese." -Hibiki

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"Hey were is Yamanaka? I thought she was on shift?" One of the newbies asked, only to be bombarded by notebooks from the other interrogators.

"Shut up! She took the next three days off to unwind! Don't jinx us by accidentally summoning her! I think it's a blessing in disguise! She was getting as crazy as Anko was!"

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It had taken almost an act of divine fortune and insurmountable luck but they had three days to be together, plenty of time to get all those pesky urges out of the way and just cuddle and be around one another.

"It's just you and me for the next three days love." Ino whispered huskily. Naruto smiled admiring her lithe figure as she slid up against his lower torso, those wonderful breasts teasing his stomach with their hard points.

"Nothing is going to take me away from you." She smiled devilishly, feeling his arousal against her own belly, the action causing him to moan. Oh yes she loved the fact he couldn't resist her body, and that merely her stomach could cause such a reaction in him. It made her bite her lip, resisting the urge to grind against him so she could slide up and take his mouth in a hard forceful needy embrace. Nothing could keep her aw-!

"SQRAAAAK!" Their eyes widened and they both turned to see an all to familiar bird sitting upon the window seal.

"SHIT/FUCK!" They both remarked. "YOU!"

"Skrawk…" Akabijou and Naruto's eyes narrowed.

"So we meet again…" Naruto began, stroking Ino's hair. '…My arch nemesis.'

'Stupid hairless monkey.' Holding up his leg, a small note was attached.

"I see you… have something for me…" Taking it he opened it. And immediately started cussing.

"God dammed bird. Emergency summons for me. Must be some S ranked mission." Naruto snidely remarked. He apparently forgot about the last time he insulted The Great Akabijou!

[PFT] His kunai missed the hawk by mere inches as it few out of the window, holding his crap stained arm out as he shook his fist at the retreating avian.

"YOU FUCKING BIRD! YOU WILL RUE THE DAY I BECOME HOKAGE! I'LL HAVE YOU ON MESSENGER PIGEON DUTY FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE EXISTANCE! YOU HEAR ME, YOU FUCKING BIRD?" If hawks could laugh, Akabijou master of the skies, would be cracking up at the hairless monkey's threats.

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"Uzumaki… reporting in… Mission complete…" He was tired, dead tired. But he had made it home before his Hime's vacation was over.

"Wow, an S rank in under two days. If you keep that up you could buy a house in a week!"

"Hn…" He remarked, a house was out of his league, but that reminded him… wait… Hold on a second. Didn't Ino say… "Say that again?"

"With the amount of money you make on an S rank if you got a few more in you would have enough to pay for a house?" Kotetsu questioningly explained.

"THAT'S IT!" The two Chunin blinked as the loud shout caused their eats to ring.

"What's it-URK!" Wrapped up into a questionably close hug Kotetsu winced at the force Naruto was causing on his ribs.

"You've solved all my problems! I can't ever repay you! I'll name my fourth son after you!" Naruto shouted as he ran off towards the Hokage tower.

"His… Fourth son?" Izumo merely shrugged at Kotetsu's question and returned to reading. "Uzumaki Kotetsu… Interesting ring. Hey, that means I would be the Godfather, right? Awesome!" Izumo merely shrugged at Kotetsu's question, continuing to read.

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"Wait wait wait, you want me to do WHAT?" Tsunade couldn't figure out the man before her. She knew he was impulsive but to be honest this one was almost as bad as him running willy nilly with Bi all over the battlefield during the fourth shinobi war. "There is a limit on how far someone can go doing missions of that sort Naruto! The heir of the Hokage or not your still mortal, all it would take is one slip up and then either we go to war or your killed!"

"I know Tsunade. But it's time I made my choice clear. I'm doing this for Ino. I'll make up for it and show her what I really mean for us." He smiled remembering a certain mother's words.

"And this is also for myself too." The tone of his voice coupled with the look in his eye made it clear she only had one choice.

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"So he's on ANOTHER mission already?" Ino sighed as for the third time this week, her Naruto was not in the village. Missions she could understand but to come and go like that without even making the smallest amount of effort to see her was incredibly hurtful.

"I know what your thinking." Tsunade remarked as she sat back with a small Sake decanter. "But I'll let you in on this. Every mission he is on right now he is doing for you so he can give you something to make up for everything… or so he said to me. Actually I have to say this one he is on is more for Ami, since he took her with him on this. Given the circumstances I can see why too."

"Huh, Ami?" She had wondered where her big girlfriend went.

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"I shouldn't even be in this country, Naruto!" Ami hissed at him, trying to hide her large frame in the tall grass that gave the country the name Kusa.

"Yeah I know, but apparently that prick who kicked you out has gotten so bad even Kusa wants him gone. I was given the mission because they know I am your friend and would take this personal, but I thought since you saved Ino-hime I would let you have a crack at him first."

Ami grinned as she watched the paraplegic daimyo who had banished her turned down a deserted path, wheeling his small chair bound frame with obvious distain. If Konoha was connected to killing the daimyo, even one hated as he was, war was inevitable. Who better than the missing nin who was banished to kill him. Even better.

"Thank you Ruto-kun. I appreciate this." The big girl was quick on her feet and already to the man who almost ruined her life. However had he not, she never would have meet the wonderful people in Konoha either, especially that Chouji stud.

So she would give him a _break_ and make it nice and quick.

242424

Assassinations of high ranking officials, back alley deals with other nations, hit and run tactics…?

"He's doing all S rank!" Ino blurted out… "IS HE INSANE?" Damn lung capacity on them Yamanaka.

Once Tsunade had yanked her top heavy frame back up by the rope she had used to attach herself to her chair, she glared at Ino.

"I asked him the same. But all he said was 'I'm doing it for Ino, because I want to be selfish.' Whatever the hell that means."

242424

Chigusa sneezed.

242424

Nearly a week later Ino finally cornered him.

"NARUTO!" The man whose given name was Naruto turned, his worn out, nearly falling apart appearance almost put her righteous feminine anger into the ground.

"Ino… hime…" He smiled. So softly she thought he was dreaming… maybe he was. He looked more than ready to fall over. Anger, and any feelings of depression faded when his surprisingly firm grip pulled her into his arms, dipped her over and gave her a kiss that made her toes dig into the ground with the force of it.

She was almost as gone as he was when he stood her back up. Her eyes hazed over and indistinct.

"I finally did it. Gimme a few days, and I'll have it ready for you."

With that he left her, and there she stood watching him somewhat dazed and confused. Whispers and pointing began all around her as the town got into the next big gossip about her and her man, and she sighed wistfully.

"I don't care about what your doing I just want you, you fool." She remarked, still hurt by him running off again. "I don't want to wait a few more days."

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But wait she did, in fact when Ibiki returned, she was given a few days off because her prisoners were begging to transferred to Anko when he finally stepped into his domain. She had to relive her stress somehow, but having Anko cling to you because she wanted notes was kinda creepy. So with little to do other than read and help out around the Yamanaka compound she remained waiting for her man to finish whatever it was that was both for her and selfish for him.

Then one day a very interesting bouquet sat on the end of her bed when she awoke. It was a mixture of rusty gold almost orange mass of flowers intermixed with lavender spray. To her critical and florist eye it was rather odd looking, but it all changed as soon as she touched it. At once the easily recognizable action of a family jutsu, the petals slid away revealing a the very flower she read about nearly at the start of her relationship.

Hana no Naruto.

It's vivacious scent poured into the air as a small note and key fell from the bouquet on the bed.

An address. Then a hastily written love you and a spiral.

She stared blankly at the key.

24

"_When you become Hokage you'll have your own quarters on the premises so I don't see how looking for a place for both of us is needed, baka. It'll just be a waste of money." Ino remarked after a brief but frenzied lovemaking. It was usually the only time they had to talk to one another given their hasty schedule. If she was right he was already late to meet Tsunade, but to her selfish desire he was making no move to rush away from her._

"_But what about when… I-if that is, you want to, we want to have children. It's roomy but I'd want somewhere… Like a house or something. Something just for us and later on, our kids?" He was oddly serious but she could only bask in the remains of their previous activities and let the haze take her away from rational thought._

"_A house? It'd be nice. Yeah when we get married I'd like to have a house. It'd be perfect."_

24

She grasped the key tightly. Had he done it?

'Only that fool would take my sex high ramblings seriously.' Her heart thundered in her chest. With a hurried fixing she quickly changed into her now favorite dress, the same white one all those months previously when he first mentioned being with her home. "But if it's true…" She remarked out loud looking at her reflection in the mirror, trying to calm her suddenly giddy and hopeful look on her face.

242424

The whispering pointing masses that had brought about the introduction of Naruto so deep into her life was ablaze as she strode through the morning light looking at the directions in her hand, and did little to ease her fraying nerves as she turned towards a more residential street.

Before she knew it she was stopping before a quaint little house, a one and a quarter storied home, that seemed the everyday run of the mill house. The only difference she could see was upon the mail slot as she walked up, was two symbols. Uzumaki and Yamanaka side by side. The key slide into the lock with a whisper of metal.

It unlocked.

Pushing the door in she found a home devoid of furniture, only a few candles resting on a few miss matched plates and the morning sun gave any illumination inside the dwelling, following the candles she soon found her darling boyfriend waiting for her in the living room, an unreadable expression.

"Hello Ino."

"You bought this house?" She asked in an awed whisper.

"Yes." She looked about in wonder again. It wasn't large by any means, and no where near perfect but it was Naruto's made it amazing. "It's ours, I'm sorry it took me longer than I thought to gather the money for it, but I thought it was perfect… to start a family in." She flushed as his gaze never left hers. He hadn't been this bold in a while, rather letting her take the steps, waiting till she felt comfortable in all their moments together. She found herself smiling so she turned away to look at the lone picture on the mantle, of their little girl. She ran her hand down Hotaru's cheek, trying not to control herself from running into his arms.

"Why, why did you risk yourself doing all those missions? Just for this? Why?" It had been her question for days, she thought she knew the answer but still, that part of her wanted to hear it.

"Because I wanted to give you something worth giving, even though it pales in comparison to what my Hime has given me in return." Confusion took reign and she turned back to him, her language that of incredulity.

"W-what are you talking about I haven't given any-" His finger on her lips stopped any protest.

"You gave me you." His voice, and look alone proved he meant every word. "My Hime, now and forever." Once again words weren't needed as love, pure hard and unyielding poured forth and they soon found themselves pinning one another against the walls in passionate necking and groping.

"Take me to bed lover, I want to give more."

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A bed was waiting for them in the master bedroom, and it wasn't soon enough for Ino before she could make love to her fiancée.

She gasped as she slipped down upon him, shuddering as he gripped her hips and pushed her down against him holding her there as they lay connected, trying to out tongue one another in French. It was then an urge struck her, something she wasn't certain she was ready for, but before she knew it she was pulling back to kneel above him, letting his hands run up and down her body. Then she took a hand up to her lips, suckling upon it that had him groaning and throbbing beneath her. Panting a little at the feeling gave one more hard suck.

Then bit his thumb, just hard enough to cause a few small drops of blood appear at the tip. Naruto started but relaxed when she took his palm, kissing it lovingly. Trusting her implicitly he remained unresisting as she took his thumb and placed it above a small nearly invisible seal upon her abdomen. It was only then she felt resistance in his grasp. It was a seal that disallowed foreign DNA past a certain point, a fuujinjutsu version of a diaphragm.

"Hime, are you sure?"

Her response was to swipe the mark with the blood, canceling it and then a furious kiss removing any doubt he had about her not wanting this.

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"It's hard to imagine all that has happened since that night." Naruto murmured into her hair. She murmered

"I can't tell you how happy I am though it did."

"Mmm. Me too." He gave her a squeeze. "So I heard from Sakura-chan this was caused by a joke? Was it a good one?"

"I thought so, Mom said it geez almost a year ago now. Wanna hear it?"

"Sure."

"So this guy walks up to this beautiful woman he had been eyeing all night. He offers her a drink but she isn't certain what she wants. So he asks her, have you ever had a 'Screaming Orgasm'? and she replies, no, but if you give me a few notes I can fake it."

"… God that's horrible." [Smack] "It IS!" He was laughing all the same, more from her weak punch to his shoulder than the joke she mentioned. He looked so happy. Probably so did she.

"Jerk." God she loved him.

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The End.

It's OVER! Well not really there is one or two more scenes for me to write at this moment but I got the final one the ONLY one I had thought up almost 2+ months ago at the start when I realized that this, fakers was going to be a BIG project. But still this is amazing and yet kinda sad. I liked this universe where it's funny, and happy but still has the sad and bad things that can happen that make all those fun and happy things better.

This isn't the last in the Fakers! Universe either. There will be a few bonus chapters but with the story completed I can just use moments of inspiration instead of leading to a point already pre planned.

So While I am not really happy with my final chapter, I'm not disappointed with it. It's probably more along the lines of me ending my favorite story I have written so far. We had our ups and our downs, but this story held together well. I am happy for all my long time readers, those who just joined in and those who I gained and lost along the way. Onwards to maybe not better things, but interesting things none the less. Fakers has left me happy and sad and at times crying then others laughing like a fool. I hope it has for all of you as well.

Until next time. See ya. ~Hibiki.

Next Chapter: Bonus Story One: Epilogue 1

Release date: Undetermined.


	25. Side Story A Autumn Daydream

Fakers!

Chapter Twenty Five: An Autumn Daydream

By

Hibiki

Just playing in Kishimoto's World. I'm just a poor guy with an urge to write.~Hibiki

* * *

The oppressive summer heat that many claimed gave the Land of Fire it's name had been soothed by the dwindling and occasionally cold, stormy days. All around the village that was hidden in them, the leaves began their yearly change. From green and vibrant the world around Konoha had turned to a mixture of reds, golds, and browns. It was a sign that summer had left and Autumn had finally arrived. Autumn probably was his favorite time of year, despite the youth spent hating his birthday. His wonderful fiance had changed that for him.

He paused a moment to wipe his brow free of the chilled sweat he had gained from raking the back yard of their home as he enjoyed the brisk feel of the cool air across his face. It was almost too cold, and he was sure his nose and ears looked red from the sting, but he couldn't imagine wasting the chill in the air by bundling up. But few, he imagined, would comment given the large smile on his face as he went from one end of his yard to the other pushing the leaves into a small pile beneath the tall but average sized tree, the source of his current toil. He didn't mind in the least. In fact, it would come as a surprise to quite a number of people that he found working on his home more satisfying than missions. A mission might give you food on your plate, a home over your head, but to him, every nail, every replaced roof tile, even every sweep of his rake, meant he made a better home for his family, and for him that was the greatest feeling in the world.

He took a deep breath savoring the smell of smoke, that particular scent of twangy leaves that filled the neighborhood. His eyes closed and imagined the thought of a child running through the very yard he worked in now, laughing playing in the pile of leaves he had just made. The thought was nice, and he indulged himself with it. Sitting on the small wooden patio sipping her tea was Ino, by then his wife, she was older, and an sense of something amazing had filled her, something he was just beginning to see in his fiance's eyes now. It made him smile softly, and the dream Ino smiled back warmly. Turning back to the yard for a moment he glimpsed a brunette haired teenager, hazel eyes laughing with delight as she swung her little sibling around. Their giggles made him chuckle and he turned to find another small one, playing in the leaves, so small he couldn't stand up but was content to sit there and be amazed as more leaves fell around him, the surprise the toddler gave as one landed on his head made Naruto fill with warmth. The future Ino issued a warning as the small one tried to eat one of his leafy toys but before anyone could get to him the boy found leaves weren't tasty at all and soon forgot about eating them to stare amazed at his world once more. Naruto shook his head.

At once the warm scene faded away, the smiles and giggled returned to the cool brisk breeze blowing against his wind frozen ear as he gave a contented sigh and returned to work. The rasp of leaves once again filled the air and echoed off the house. Noisy though it was he enjoyed the sound. A good honest sound. However so loud was it he was caught off guard by a pair of hands wrapping around him and pulling him into his pile. With a squawk he landed with an explosion of colors. Blinking through the mass floating down around them he found his Ino smirking down at him with victorious grin.

"Now what would people say if they knew the future Hokage could be taken down that easily?" But Naruto wasn't hearing her, he was dazed by her features haloed by the light through the canopy above, the colors slipping past her making her appear radiant. Her cheeks were flushed form the chill, and despite her jacket she was so very sexy. Whatever she was talking about was lost as he cut her off by covering her lips with his own. That almost too cold autumn day dimmed away to nothing, only her against him. Despite the heavy clothes between them, her heat melted into his as he held her against him. Minutes later, when he allowed her up she nuzzled up against him, making a small noise of contentment as they shared the view from their makeshift seat.

"Welcome home, Hime."

"Mm, if you greet me like so all the time I may keep sneaking up on you." He laughed at her response. "So what got you in a good mood? I saw you smiling before... You were..." She trailed off for a moment. "So happy, I've never seen you smile like that before except when talking about..." She trailed off, knowing he would not need her to finish to understand.

"I had this... thought. About you and me, and... kids in this yard." He paused, gauging her reaction. To his own amazement that same look the future Ino carried rose to his' face. Without a moment's notice she pulled to him and kissed him deeply. He was puzzled a little when she pulled away with a pure contented smile. "What... what was that for?" He asked softly, playing with a stand of her hair as she laid her head upon his arm.

"For being so happy about that dream. I've been dreaming about it too." She bit her lip as a small amount of insecurity appeared but her eyes spoke of intensity. "I know we're not ready yet but soon..." She curled up in his arms and he rested his head against hers. "We'll be living that dream." Naruto smiled, and they rested together for a few minutes before a thought crossed his mind.

"Just don't be too angry if one tries to eat leaves, okay?" He murmured to the almost dozing figure on top of him.

"Mmka... wait. **What**?"

* * *

Just a small one to try and get back into the swing of writing. I've been muse-less for the last two months. Only the changing weather has been making me feel any motivation for writing. And it's nice to write back in the Fakers Universe again. The real side stories are taking a colossal effort in wrenching out though as is everything else it seems.

Same old Same old. Read review, tell me what you think. I'll take those reviews for funding my muse hunt.

Next Chapter: Fakers Side Story 2

Release Date Unkown.


	26. Side Story Thoughts in the wind

Fakers! Side Story 2

Thoughts in the wind

By

Hibiki

* * *

With his eyes closed, only the faint wafts of scents, the dwindling warmth of the setting sun, and the calming bubble of noise from the city reached him as he sat upon his small patio behind his and Ino's house. The breeze was not cold, but in the increasing shade made it grow more brisk with every gust that issued from between the tall building's that made up the busy heart of Konoha just north of their home. A dog barked in the distance, not one of the Inuzuka's intelligent breeds but a common civilian dog barking at a cat or perhaps just to bark. The growing evening was one of his favorite times of day, perfect to meditate and focus his thoughts. Even with his eyes closed he could see in his mind's eye the colors that made everything and everyone different was fading away into the grays of night. Though hot and humid the days were in the early spring of the fire country, the nights brought a seasonable cool that made walking at this time especially comfortable. Just the other day, Ino and himself had walked for hours in the evening, and while conversation was sparse the most enjoyable part had been the easy silence that had come with her next to him, her soft breathing and little hums as she took in the sights of the city she often had taken for granted when she hurried to and from their house to the T&I facility. Her bright sapphires glancing about and to him as he took in her growing beauty. The silence had not been awkward at all as they finally ended up at the head of his father, watching down at the city he would in just a matter of days become leader of. Soon, all too soon he realized, she would be restricted from moving about as such for fear of hurting the proof of his love for her.

Naruto's smile, both truly happy and yet scared beyond belief, broke through his newest failure to meditate. Ino, only a month into their marriage brought it to his attention that someone new would be meeting them in a few months time. His eyes opened to the last glimpses of the sun as it slid behind the faces of the Hokage. His eyes drifted onto the edifice of his father visage. It was now, more than ever, that he wished for his father's guidance. While it was true, Minato had only been a father an incredibly short time before he passed, he still had more experience than anyone Naruto outside of Iruka. Due to this he felt rather bad, as Iruka had brought him in and sat him down when the Umino family learned of the Uzumaki's pregnancy. While he learned a great deal on how he would need to react with Ino, Iruka often using Shizune as an example due to both her previous and her current pregnancies, it didn't give him the stability of a father's talk should, or so he felt. It was more like an older brother trying to fill in the shoes of their father than what he would have wanted. Deep down, and it pained him to realize it, he was still that little boy who wanted his dad to reassure him that everything was alright.

He worried, as any new(ish) father would, that he didn't have the knowledge on how to handle a baby of his own. Sure he had watched over Keiichi when the boy was very little. But he knew, that any time he was going to screw up or might, Shizune and Iruka would step in and take the boy back. Hotaru was a child not a baby when he adopted her, along with her hospitalization had left him little outside of taking care of her needs as they came. It was easy as he had done the same for himself when he was her age. Then the Haru triplets, teens and ninjas, were accountable for nearly most of their actions save few, to which their mother supplied responsibility. He had had safety nets for all of them. But Ino and his child, was wholly his and Ino's, there was no backup and his time in the wars and with Hotaru had tempered his full out impulsive behaviorism. While Chigusa and Inoichi were close, and Inoichi had done his best in Minato's stead, the fear of the unknown both worried him and excited him.

Everyone had said, this was natural and overall he accepted this, but at times like this, when his mind wandered, the thoughts would begin to pile up. He sighed and closed his eyes again. He needed clarity, for if not for his village then his own sanity.

* * *

Ino's first view of her husband was that of his shoulder's slumped and his hand running though his hair uneasily. She sighed as she realized he was letting his insecurities out again, but not in a good way. While she loved him dearly he had a few issues with letting people in, and by far tried to work through all of them either with sheer stubbornness or brute force. But it didn't work for everything. He could walk up to Madara and Obito and fight them openly and without hesitation, even get Obito to change his mind about the world, but if he didn't have a reference to go by he would flounder until something forced his hand. The countless dead and Neji during the fourth shinobi war, Hotaru just months after, and Sasuke mere weeks later. Their deaths were what galvanized and allowed him to do things he never would have thought to do before. What made him the man she loved, while also allowing him to be the man required to lead. However it made him uncertain in regard to many smaller aspects of life, leaving him thinking of any and all possibilities with little headway in solving the issues. Some of those issues waiting in the sidelines until he got his act together. However this one, she herself knew the answer for, and wasn't going to allow him to stew about this any longer. She wanted... no she NEEDED her husband back.

"Naruto." He sat up and turned back to her, his smile was true, but lessened by his thoughts. "You need to stop worrying over everything so much." His smile grew but only because he found it humorous that his wife could read him that well, even without her mind jutsus.

"I just wish I knew if I was going to be an alright father and leader. I thought I was ready but now with all of it before me, every hope and dream about to happen. I'm terrified I am going to screw it up and loose it all." She knew his fears, she had known them since their third week together, back during their fake relationship.

"You have all but been formally announced as the Seventh for months. Tsunade only signs things because it isn't all official yet. Everyone knows YOU are the one who is giving the missions and taking care of them all. And you know what? Outside of Shizune complaining that you are forcing her to stay home more than she wants, not a single one of them has an issue. As Hokage, it's all in your head."

"Shi-chan's complaining I'm keeping her home when she is at eight months pregnant?!"

"That isn't the important thing right now, Naruto." She chuckled ruefully as her husband's usual worrying mannerisms broke through the cloud of angst he had been forcing himself into. "You already mentioned that despite it being your dream job you were going to be a father first and a Hokage second. That doesn't scream bad parent to me, love."

"I meant it but... what if I'm no good at it. I don't want to let you or our child down, Hime. For years I thought I hated my parents, until I finally met them. I'm scared our child may grow up to hate me for something too."

"Have you ever thought, that maybe because of all of this worrying, you are going to be a great father to our baby? Not just this one, either." Naruto's head came up sharply. Clearly, Ino remarked in her head, he had not given much thought beyond this child in terms of their family. "I don't plan on stopping when we have this one, I want a big family. And you know why?"

"N-no." He looked alarmed but a smile was coming up on his face then, Ino's lips caressed his ear.

"Because I know my husband will love each and every one of our children to the fullest." His hands took one of hers, squeezing slightly.

"You'll be there for me? Even when I screw up?" She squeezed his hands back.

"Especially when you screw up. 'Cause I know you'd do the same for me. No one is perfect Naruto. You're not. I'm not. No one is. But I know we'll do just fine." She kissed him softly, letting her love for him move him past his worries. Apparently it worked too well as her body was pulled against his with a fervor.

"I love you." She was kissed again, this time with a fire that she knew all too well. 'I want you, Hime. To show you how much I love you." Nodding her acquiescence, Ino allowed her man to pull her to the bed.

"Mmmm ...Be gentle." Tsunade would remark that she glowed for days afterward.

Apparently her husband loved her VERY much.

* * *

AN:

No I am not dead. At least in the physical sense. The written word has escaped me lately. Just not inspired by the canon material lately for anything. That and I have been going through tonnes of Fanfiction looking for gems. It almost feels like most are stuck like me. Kinda worrisome.

To be honest I do not know where this came from. I was writing a few words in other stories from time to time when this thought popped in my head. It was to start as the hearing chapter in the sense series but then I thought about Ino and the Fakers!'s rendition of Naruto's reaction to an approaching pregnancy. It wouldn't ever be about love, Naruto has always had a surplus of love, but the jumping into the unknown that his canon self has that the Fakers! Version does not do had to be explained I felt. In a way show that this Naruto has grown up, just not all the way there.

Then I realized Ino would be too damn stubborn to allow Naruto to wallow in self angst long enough to get far in any sort of emo like behavior.

As for sex during pregnancy, there are a lot of beliefs. Most say so long as no risks are apparent then it is safe. Having done something like this before many years back, with a friend who was single due to her baby's daddy running out on her, and was sexually frustrated (and with many other reasons) to the point of being majorly stressed, which would have been bad for her baby, I helped her relax if you will. *Blush* I would agree, it was safe for her now almost nine year old. She was one of few who helped me figure out my tummy fixation. That all embarrassingly said, to each their own and would not recommend said activity unless so agreed by both parties and perhaps even a doctor's okay. Pregnancies just like menstruation changes relationships when one or both parties realize everything going on. Bah. I'm rambling again. Been a while I suppose.

Hope that despite it's small size and little angst flows it held up to be another small piece in the Fakers! Universe. With hopes that more happier extras pop up. Because I can only see happier perhaps more funnier ones when the mood strikes me to write in this story again.

~Hibiki


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